If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't!
If you'd like to win, but you think you can't,
It's almost certain you won't..
If you think you'll lose, you're lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind..
If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself
Before you 'll ever win the prize..
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the person who thinks he can . . .
Apr 29, 2007
As I Mature
I've learned u cannot make some1 love you.
All u can do is stalk them and hope they panic n give in.
I've learned no matter how much i care,
somepeople are just assholes.
I've learned tht it takes years to build up trust,
and it takes only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned u shud not comapare urself to others -
They are more screwed up than u think.
I've learned tht we are responsible for wht we do,
Unless we r celebrities.
I've learned regardless how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
and passion fades, and there had better be
a lot of materialistic pleasures to take its place.
I've learned tht 99% of times when somethings isnt working in your house,
one of ur kids did it.
I've learned tht the people u care most about in life,
are taken awaya from u too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.
All u can do is stalk them and hope they panic n give in.
I've learned no matter how much i care,
somepeople are just assholes.
I've learned tht it takes years to build up trust,
and it takes only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned u shud not comapare urself to others -
They are more screwed up than u think.
I've learned tht we are responsible for wht we do,
Unless we r celebrities.
I've learned regardless how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
and passion fades, and there had better be
a lot of materialistic pleasures to take its place.
I've learned tht 99% of times when somethings isnt working in your house,
one of ur kids did it.
I've learned tht the people u care most about in life,
are taken awaya from u too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.
Love You in Silence
You came into my life
Quietly, simply, tenderly...
The world stood stillI could not say a word
Nor a single gestured showed.
The feeling kept in my heart
So I've loved you in silence
Worshipped you from a distance
And dreamt of you so often.
I want to say I Love You,
But I'm afraid...Afraid that you'll just take it for granted.
In silence then, I'll just love you.
In silence I'll find...The fulfillment of my dreams.
Quietly, simply, tenderly...
The world stood stillI could not say a word
Nor a single gestured showed.
The feeling kept in my heart
So I've loved you in silence
Worshipped you from a distance
And dreamt of you so often.
I want to say I Love You,
But I'm afraid...Afraid that you'll just take it for granted.
In silence then, I'll just love you.
In silence I'll find...The fulfillment of my dreams.
Apr 24, 2007
Terrible 10 Days
Pst 10 days been not so good. Everything was turning on the wrong side with only bad news coming from everywhere.
My Canada visa got delayed for a month coz when I went to the VFS centre I learnt tht I can’t put in my Visa papers for study permit. It can be done only in the 90 day period from the date of commencement of the course. Now all the bank statements which was quite painful work to hv got them done will hv to be made again,a ll afresh. The reason is I hv been quite hyper with my visa stuff coz if thts not happening I need to move ahead with other things.
To add more to the misery I realized tht with the offer from UC Berkeley, behind it my counselor had sent me offer letter from UCLA which I didn’t see. I was so busy with exams n stuff tht I cudnt even speak to my counselor. Now when I go to meet him and he asked me why didn’t I accept the offer from both of them coz by now I wud hv got my i20’s. Its only then I realize tht I had 2 offer letters but I was so disappointed with the program module offered at UC Berkeley tht I didn’t go thru all the papers n wht I had got at UCLA was exactly I was looking for. Now the thing is the deadline is over to accept the offer so makes me left with a feeling OH GOD WHY !!!! I always thought I cudnt get thru UCLA n UC Berkeley and was expecting a rejection from them and having got offers makes me feel in mess cuz I cudnt accept them.. tht was all I wanted all this while….
To add more I was with Momsi (Kay’s mum aka Sheela aunty) and 2 days with her n her senti talks made me feel worse. To add more I met with an accident at churchgate I got 20 stiches, feel like killing tht bastard on the bike or rather ask god if he was planning to call me to meet him. This is the second time in pst 2 months tht I was saved from death’s call. Last time while we were in cab at colaba suddenly the door opened n I was going to fall out of the cab where other cars wud hv passed over me if Janavi wudnt hv had good reflexes and hold my hand n pulled me inside I wud hv been dead, I still get goose bums when I think bout it. Seen death so close !!!
With busy fri n sat at KC with TY practicals exams and working there as an internal biochemistry expert for the uni exams, was completely exhausted. Sunday morning while I was trying to relax with the painful stiches as I cudnt sleep night before I get a call bringing more bad news tht Anish lost his father, almost entire day went with him. With the absolute silence between us, we hv never been so quite whenever we hv met. The fun, pranks n lots of talking, but this was so different. We knew nothing n wht to say n wht cud hv been done. Getting back home from there, I got lost in thoughts, the situation got over me. I really started thinking a few things n they are still on my mind.. don’t know how to get out of it… ewwwwww
My Canada visa got delayed for a month coz when I went to the VFS centre I learnt tht I can’t put in my Visa papers for study permit. It can be done only in the 90 day period from the date of commencement of the course. Now all the bank statements which was quite painful work to hv got them done will hv to be made again,a ll afresh. The reason is I hv been quite hyper with my visa stuff coz if thts not happening I need to move ahead with other things.
To add more to the misery I realized tht with the offer from UC Berkeley, behind it my counselor had sent me offer letter from UCLA which I didn’t see. I was so busy with exams n stuff tht I cudnt even speak to my counselor. Now when I go to meet him and he asked me why didn’t I accept the offer from both of them coz by now I wud hv got my i20’s. Its only then I realize tht I had 2 offer letters but I was so disappointed with the program module offered at UC Berkeley tht I didn’t go thru all the papers n wht I had got at UCLA was exactly I was looking for. Now the thing is the deadline is over to accept the offer so makes me left with a feeling OH GOD WHY !!!! I always thought I cudnt get thru UCLA n UC Berkeley and was expecting a rejection from them and having got offers makes me feel in mess cuz I cudnt accept them.. tht was all I wanted all this while….
To add more I was with Momsi (Kay’s mum aka Sheela aunty) and 2 days with her n her senti talks made me feel worse. To add more I met with an accident at churchgate I got 20 stiches, feel like killing tht bastard on the bike or rather ask god if he was planning to call me to meet him. This is the second time in pst 2 months tht I was saved from death’s call. Last time while we were in cab at colaba suddenly the door opened n I was going to fall out of the cab where other cars wud hv passed over me if Janavi wudnt hv had good reflexes and hold my hand n pulled me inside I wud hv been dead, I still get goose bums when I think bout it. Seen death so close !!!
With busy fri n sat at KC with TY practicals exams and working there as an internal biochemistry expert for the uni exams, was completely exhausted. Sunday morning while I was trying to relax with the painful stiches as I cudnt sleep night before I get a call bringing more bad news tht Anish lost his father, almost entire day went with him. With the absolute silence between us, we hv never been so quite whenever we hv met. The fun, pranks n lots of talking, but this was so different. We knew nothing n wht to say n wht cud hv been done. Getting back home from there, I got lost in thoughts, the situation got over me. I really started thinking a few things n they are still on my mind.. don’t know how to get out of it… ewwwwww
Apr 8, 2007
Damn...
Its 9.30 pm n hv an exam tomo at 11.. n the best thing is i had 3 days off n i hvnt studied a word with 5 units on i.e. 15 chapters.... n the best part is i still dont feel like studying yet...
i guess this time i m seriously not interested in giving exmas n dont care with the outcome as far as i pass... hehe with most of the people who know me are with words like... 'bhanva bes', 'padhne jao', cant u study for the last remaining days, just finish it off... plzzz plzz will u study...
All this has been said by my loving friends... i only thank tht they care for me so much and appreciate it but i genuinely am not interested giving exams this time... okie whtever it is wid one gone tomo will be left with one on wed... n then i will be free from this mess... hehehe... plz dont worry people i wont let u guys down... will definately pass the exams, at this point cant afford to fail in exams... hehehe hahaha
i guess this time i m seriously not interested in giving exmas n dont care with the outcome as far as i pass... hehe with most of the people who know me are with words like... 'bhanva bes', 'padhne jao', cant u study for the last remaining days, just finish it off... plzzz plzz will u study...
All this has been said by my loving friends... i only thank tht they care for me so much and appreciate it but i genuinely am not interested giving exams this time... okie whtever it is wid one gone tomo will be left with one on wed... n then i will be free from this mess... hehehe... plz dont worry people i wont let u guys down... will definately pass the exams, at this point cant afford to fail in exams... hehehe hahaha
Moral Policing for making out in the city..
This summer of love, as Mumbai’s promenades, dwindling parks and gritty beaches are transformed to enchanted Xanadus and young couples whisper sweet nothings in the din of traffic, it will require a great deal of magic to keep those heart-shaped red ballons flying.
For, there is trouble in paradise. Among the complaints about canoodling couples that were scattered in the papers this week, was this particularly strange one. A Bandra woman grumbled tht entwined lovers on the seafront gave voyeuristic – and therefore, perverse – pleasure to men from rural areas, whose partners were in far-off hinterlands. This voyeurism raised a law n order issue, the daily inferred, as the “perverts” passed lewd comments at women.
Protest against street sexual harassment we certainly should, but the not on tht only rural migrants are voyeurs reflects our blinkered – and biased – urban view. It over looks the definition of voyeurism, which states tht ne1 observing, an act without knowledge of the actors is a voyeur. When intimacy is forced into open as it is in our city, isn’t every1 who glances at public displays of affection a voyeur, even without willing it?
I hv seen romance travelled to the shore in search of these brave but vulnerable twosomes, lovers who didn’t hv their private nook. Searching for the flattest rock, the least crowded and least shitty corner of the places like Juhu, Versova, Silver beach and Bandstand. I’ve seen the backs of men n women, huddled on to their interlocked fingers; his arms slung around her neck helped build their cocoon. They hv withstood invading glances, defined tradition and acted ‘improperly’ in public, but only in a neighborhood where no one knew them,
The Thought Police, the Moral Brigade and Neighbourhood Aunty have, in collusion, decided to put a stop to this burgeoning meance. Space is at premium and not to be trifled with by misguiding young couples looking for a bit of nookie. But, its not just space tht lovers want, away from the eyes of magisterial parents and state authorities. Space must also mutate in tandem with the dynamics of love. For those who are fortunate, the move is easy, from Barista to one’s apartment. For those with shallow pockets, this is time of change. The free salt water spray of Marine Drive gives way to the challenges of negotiating with sordid with rat-faced men over a soiled bedsheet, a room with a cracked water jar and a constant dipping into the pockets. Welcome to the world of Madh and Gorai shacks and Hotels called Red Rose.
This is the end of romance for such people. From this moment onwards all space is to be negotiated, fought for and horded. He police books and fine’s the lovers under the sections 110 and 117 of the Bombay Police Act(1951) its tht old n hvnt been revived since then. This ambiguous section dosnt define wht constitutes indecency and is thus open to interpretation. Our men in uniform hv interpreted cuddling – not defecating in public or kissing on celluloid – obscene. They reported lovers “indecent” behaviour to their parents, hoping perhaps, to shame the lovers into hiding.
But despite this moralistic finger-waving, lovers hvnt been deterred from seeking their perfectly paradoxical privacy in public. The raids might hv tried to make the public space heavily controlled, but like hawkers who return after the BMC demolitions their streetside shops, like commuters who got back on the train after 7/11, the lovers are here to stay in their transient asylums of invisibility.
But love like corruption, finds a way. And no matter wht lies at the end of the road, whether marigolds, a hurried sms, or a greasy outstretched palm, one is still reminded of Vyjanthimala and Raj Kapoor in Sangam: ‘”Tere man ki Ganga aur mere man ki jamuna ka bol Radha bol Sangam hoga ki nahi???”
And oh yes ,”hoga hoga HOGA”
For, there is trouble in paradise. Among the complaints about canoodling couples that were scattered in the papers this week, was this particularly strange one. A Bandra woman grumbled tht entwined lovers on the seafront gave voyeuristic – and therefore, perverse – pleasure to men from rural areas, whose partners were in far-off hinterlands. This voyeurism raised a law n order issue, the daily inferred, as the “perverts” passed lewd comments at women.
Protest against street sexual harassment we certainly should, but the not on tht only rural migrants are voyeurs reflects our blinkered – and biased – urban view. It over looks the definition of voyeurism, which states tht ne1 observing, an act without knowledge of the actors is a voyeur. When intimacy is forced into open as it is in our city, isn’t every1 who glances at public displays of affection a voyeur, even without willing it?
I hv seen romance travelled to the shore in search of these brave but vulnerable twosomes, lovers who didn’t hv their private nook. Searching for the flattest rock, the least crowded and least shitty corner of the places like Juhu, Versova, Silver beach and Bandstand. I’ve seen the backs of men n women, huddled on to their interlocked fingers; his arms slung around her neck helped build their cocoon. They hv withstood invading glances, defined tradition and acted ‘improperly’ in public, but only in a neighborhood where no one knew them,
The Thought Police, the Moral Brigade and Neighbourhood Aunty have, in collusion, decided to put a stop to this burgeoning meance. Space is at premium and not to be trifled with by misguiding young couples looking for a bit of nookie. But, its not just space tht lovers want, away from the eyes of magisterial parents and state authorities. Space must also mutate in tandem with the dynamics of love. For those who are fortunate, the move is easy, from Barista to one’s apartment. For those with shallow pockets, this is time of change. The free salt water spray of Marine Drive gives way to the challenges of negotiating with sordid with rat-faced men over a soiled bedsheet, a room with a cracked water jar and a constant dipping into the pockets. Welcome to the world of Madh and Gorai shacks and Hotels called Red Rose.
This is the end of romance for such people. From this moment onwards all space is to be negotiated, fought for and horded. He police books and fine’s the lovers under the sections 110 and 117 of the Bombay Police Act(1951) its tht old n hvnt been revived since then. This ambiguous section dosnt define wht constitutes indecency and is thus open to interpretation. Our men in uniform hv interpreted cuddling – not defecating in public or kissing on celluloid – obscene. They reported lovers “indecent” behaviour to their parents, hoping perhaps, to shame the lovers into hiding.
But despite this moralistic finger-waving, lovers hvnt been deterred from seeking their perfectly paradoxical privacy in public. The raids might hv tried to make the public space heavily controlled, but like hawkers who return after the BMC demolitions their streetside shops, like commuters who got back on the train after 7/11, the lovers are here to stay in their transient asylums of invisibility.
But love like corruption, finds a way. And no matter wht lies at the end of the road, whether marigolds, a hurried sms, or a greasy outstretched palm, one is still reminded of Vyjanthimala and Raj Kapoor in Sangam: ‘”Tere man ki Ganga aur mere man ki jamuna ka bol Radha bol Sangam hoga ki nahi???”
And oh yes ,”hoga hoga HOGA”
Apr 7, 2007
Many Times In My Life
God has always been kind to me in his own special way n guided me all this way.... So...
Many times in my life I have disappointed you,
and begun to stray.
But you have pointed me in the right direction,
and sent me on my way.
Many times in my life I've needed a helping hand,
and someone to pull me up.
It was you who gave that helping hand,
and always cheered me up.
Many times I've been sad and down,
and taken it out on you.
But you stood by me and comforted me,
In times that I was bad.
Many times I've needed support,
and to know someone was there.
It was you who held me up,
and showed me how to care.
Many times I've wanted to thank you for this,
But never got a chance.
You have helped me out in life,
and got me where I am.
You were there for me through thick and thin,
You never gave up on me and you taught me how to care.
From the deepest of my heart I want to thank you,
for being there for me in times of good or bad.
Many times in my life I have disappointed you,
and begun to stray.
But you have pointed me in the right direction,
and sent me on my way.
Many times in my life I've needed a helping hand,
and someone to pull me up.
It was you who gave that helping hand,
and always cheered me up.
Many times I've been sad and down,
and taken it out on you.
But you stood by me and comforted me,
In times that I was bad.
Many times I've needed support,
and to know someone was there.
It was you who held me up,
and showed me how to care.
Many times I've wanted to thank you for this,
But never got a chance.
You have helped me out in life,
and got me where I am.
You were there for me through thick and thin,
You never gave up on me and you taught me how to care.
From the deepest of my heart I want to thank you,
for being there for me in times of good or bad.
Apr 3, 2007
Pathetic exam
I guess this is the worst exam i hv ever written. Infact this was for the first time tht i actuallly had studied everything without leaving nething as an option... i thought this time i will definately do well... believe me i never studied so hard n diligently even during my graduating exam but yet i topped. And what was the result of studying so hard where i wonder if i wud score 30 out of 75. Isnt tht pathetic.
But i guess hard work for me is not equal to doing well in papers during exams. So i guess for the remaining 3 papers i stick to my original self, study wht u feel like n leave the things u r not interested. i guess this works for me n i write well in papers n land up scoring well.
Okies whatever happend is fine. It hardly matters to me now. I just want to finish this thing at any cost. i know tht i am not going to fail so it dosnt matter.
But i guess hard work for me is not equal to doing well in papers during exams. So i guess for the remaining 3 papers i stick to my original self, study wht u feel like n leave the things u r not interested. i guess this works for me n i write well in papers n land up scoring well.
Okies whatever happend is fine. It hardly matters to me now. I just want to finish this thing at any cost. i know tht i am not going to fail so it dosnt matter.
Apr 1, 2007
To feel Sunny, use a Shield
While reading bout spirituality in the newspaper and to wht I read, the thing tht came to my mind was tht people keep asking me how do I keep my cool n remain smiling in bad, stressed n tense situations, n the immense amount of peace n content they find on my face… I never had ne answers to their question and the only thing tht I land up answering was – That’s just me…. But I guess this might just answer their question, I hv never put ne efforts on myself but these things hv come naturally to me…
Insulation is critical in life. b4 u touch a hot object u must insulate ur fingers from the heat. Tht’s y dishes hv heat-resistant handles. Similarly, to live life happily, without stress, one needs internal insulation.
Each one of us is a free spirit, a free soul; and most of the times we are unaware of our spirits. That is y knowledge of self is ultimate insulation – know urself. That is when you can maintain an unaffected grace and a harmony that is immune to fluctuations in the world. As William Arthur Ward said, “A cloudy sky is no match for a sunny disposition.” Without insulation you get angry when the world does not meet ur expectations and shocked when calamities strike.
Modern technology makes things more difficult. Earlier the only means of communication was snail mail; now email, chats n webcams prolong the misery. You become a torn entity with the body in one place and the mind in another.The intellect is swamped with so much information that it gets confused and bewildered. For every decision, there are so many options to choose from that the intellect breaks down (I swear to god.. sometimes I think I’d better not had choices)
Only a spiritual person who has reinforced the inner personality and has insulated himself from the onslaught of the world can enjoy technological gizmos. Spirituality definitely comes as a great rescue and it makes u feel serene. Give it a try, a few mins in temple sitting n doing nothing, I mean nothing, u’ll enjoy the peace and feel life isn’t tht bad after all. A Nintendo game can only be enjoyed by an adult; the child agonizes over winning or losing. Only a Shoaib Akhtar can enjoy the battling, bowling and fielding skills of players during an India-Australia match. The rest of us are too gripped with the thought: will we win or not.
Believe me the day u accept the life the way it comes to u, u’ll develop this insulation. Once you develop this internal insulation without neither being too much optimistic nor being pessimist but being practical n accept things the way they are, they wont seem to be good, bad or ugly but something tht came with time and will pass away with time. It wud be like a dancer performing on stage. An accomplished dancer presents a picture of grace and charm. The complicated synchrony of song, rhythm and emotion is portrayed effortlessly and she is able to lift her audience to a high.
The world provides you with the musical accompaniment. You are the dancer who has to learn the art of dancing to the beat. Then you become a picture of grace, beauty and charisma. If you’re not tuned in, you can fall out of rhythm with world and lose your balance. The thought of true, pure n free soul within you keeps you in balance. Its lifts you from the world of finitude and takes you to a realm of content, integrity and infinity.
Insulation is critical in life. b4 u touch a hot object u must insulate ur fingers from the heat. Tht’s y dishes hv heat-resistant handles. Similarly, to live life happily, without stress, one needs internal insulation.
Each one of us is a free spirit, a free soul; and most of the times we are unaware of our spirits. That is y knowledge of self is ultimate insulation – know urself. That is when you can maintain an unaffected grace and a harmony that is immune to fluctuations in the world. As William Arthur Ward said, “A cloudy sky is no match for a sunny disposition.” Without insulation you get angry when the world does not meet ur expectations and shocked when calamities strike.
Modern technology makes things more difficult. Earlier the only means of communication was snail mail; now email, chats n webcams prolong the misery. You become a torn entity with the body in one place and the mind in another.The intellect is swamped with so much information that it gets confused and bewildered. For every decision, there are so many options to choose from that the intellect breaks down (I swear to god.. sometimes I think I’d better not had choices)
Only a spiritual person who has reinforced the inner personality and has insulated himself from the onslaught of the world can enjoy technological gizmos. Spirituality definitely comes as a great rescue and it makes u feel serene. Give it a try, a few mins in temple sitting n doing nothing, I mean nothing, u’ll enjoy the peace and feel life isn’t tht bad after all. A Nintendo game can only be enjoyed by an adult; the child agonizes over winning or losing. Only a Shoaib Akhtar can enjoy the battling, bowling and fielding skills of players during an India-Australia match. The rest of us are too gripped with the thought: will we win or not.
Believe me the day u accept the life the way it comes to u, u’ll develop this insulation. Once you develop this internal insulation without neither being too much optimistic nor being pessimist but being practical n accept things the way they are, they wont seem to be good, bad or ugly but something tht came with time and will pass away with time. It wud be like a dancer performing on stage. An accomplished dancer presents a picture of grace and charm. The complicated synchrony of song, rhythm and emotion is portrayed effortlessly and she is able to lift her audience to a high.
The world provides you with the musical accompaniment. You are the dancer who has to learn the art of dancing to the beat. Then you become a picture of grace, beauty and charisma. If you’re not tuned in, you can fall out of rhythm with world and lose your balance. The thought of true, pure n free soul within you keeps you in balance. Its lifts you from the world of finitude and takes you to a realm of content, integrity and infinity.
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