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Jun 29, 2007

June – coming to an end…

There’s nothing great to be spoken about this month except it has been the worst period of my entire life so far. A time when my mind was wandering all over, though things were right in front of me but I couldn’t grab them. I had so many questions rather still have them but no answers. Something which is not me and the last thing that I would want to do in life is to WAIT & WATCH – and I did that all this month and in all respect, whether it was work, my career or my personal life. Everything on a hold.

I don’t expect things neither from life nor from people because expecting things have always led me to disappointments and that’s what happened even this time. So I always want to move on making things work – whtever it is.

Finally Kay is back home after his long work trip to Moscow and has a long weekend to spend at home. It feels so nice to spill my head on him and he does the same (I don’t think that ne other frnd in my life would be able to take his place). In eight years of our friendship I don’t remember if we’ve spoken over the phone for so long as much as we did today… 3 hrs n 25 mins.. oo gosh !!

We spoke bout ourselves, our lives, our priorities, work, career n god knows wht not, we did bitch about a few people. I feel that we strike the same chord as far as our thoughts go on certain matters. Btwn all three of us, I’ve realized that me n Niki have had a parallel life as far as academic or professional front was concerned & for me and Kay its been our personal lives. I have started believing that Nikki is right to a certain extend to the fact that ‘moving on’ is not difficult to me n Kay but we just don’t let things go and love to hold on to them (yea but that’s the way we like, 2 poor souls).

Kay is badly stuck btwn his past and his future and I hv nothing interesting in the past to look back and really am not bothered what’s there for future. Kay’s questions are too complicated for me to give him any kind of answers because both the sides of his coin r equal in their own respect. As far as my questions go, I guess very soon I am going to have answers to them (most of them…) n thts for sure, so I am not much worried. And Niki – wht to say bout her, shez just hving the perfect life, done with her MS, having a good vacation here in India, get back to England, get onto a job, take a look at the guys her parents hv found, give them a try, pick one and get married. So by coming Feb we are definitely attending Niki’s wedding.

I really wonder for how long me n Kay r going to stay like lost souls. As far as I am concerned I guess I have 2 roads with different lanes on each of them. In like another couple of days I will come to know wht road life has chosen for me and then will walk ahead through them. Things don’t look that bad, n hoping that they won’t be. In another 25 hrs its will be a start of my b’day month - JULY and it has always been good for me all these years.

Hope all the WAIT & WATCH mode comes to an end soon and I get moving towards things I want them to be a part of my life.

Lastly Nik’s for wht you’ve been saying since past couple of days tht u can never catch water and harder u hold on to the sand in your palms its slips of… But Darling therz another side to it n even thts a fact – agreed u can never catch water but every attempt to hold it or catch it leaves your hand wet and it happens every time u try to do it. And secondly harder you hold onto the sand its definitely slips of but more n more sand particles stick to your hand, so every time u hold a handful of sand tightly u have lot of sand particles stuck to your palm, you collect those particles and in some time you will definitely have a handful of sand… its bout looking at the half glass full…in both the cases you are definitely gaining something… isn’t tht worth or sufficient reason for trying or giving it a shot…

Jun 23, 2007

Within Me

Scarlet lips as red as a rose,
perfect hips in a seductive pose.
On the outside this is what people want me to be,
but what about looking at the heart within me.

Long black hair, surrounding my face,
baby blue eyes and full of grace.
This is what most men chase,
but my soul and feelings cannot be erased.

Long, untouched legs with a snug fitting skirt,
a short and sexy tube top shirt,
I would take my looks with little pride,
for what I care about is what's inside.

They say that these looks are a sensation,
that I am one of God's best creations,
But all I really want is for you to see,
all the good that is within me.

Jun 21, 2007

I’m just a Woman…

A woman needs to be assured
In each and every way,
She needs the warmth of loving words
That only you can say.

She needs a lot of understanding …
When she’s feeling somewhat down.
She needs for you to make her smile,
And take away her frown.

A woman’s heart is fragile
Her feelings are that way too,
Times she feels so sad inside,
Not knowing what to do.

It’s hard to be a woman,
Misunderstood in many ways,
Sometimes all it takes to help,
Is a loving word, to make her day.

She needs to know that she’s the one,
That fills your heart with desire,
She needs to be told often,
That she sets your soul on fire.

She needs that soft and tender touch
As if she were a fragile rose,
And feel that she’s so special.
From all others, you could have chose.

She needs to hear, “I Love you”,
Whether close or miles apart,
She needs to know… she’s the one,
That’s the center of your heart.

So, please listen when I need to talk,
Please kiss away my tears,
Let me share my worries with you,
And help me face my fears.

You see, I’m just a woman.

Jun 19, 2007

Three Things...

Three things in life that, once gone,
NEVER come back
Time
Words
Opportunity

Three things in life that may never be lost
Peace
Hope
Honesty


Three things in life those are most valuable
Love
Self - Confidence
Friends


Three things in life those are never certain
Dreams
Success
Fortune


Three things that make a man/woman
Hardwork
Sincerity
Commitment


Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman
Alcohol
Pride
Anger


Three things in life that, once lost, hard to build-up
Respect
Trust
Friends


Three things in life that never fail
True Love
Determination
Belief

Silence Speaks a Thousand Words

When I asked you,
You said nothing was wrong.
But when I listened to your magical song,
All its notes were gone.
You sang it… I heard,
Silence speaks a thousand words.

You keep telling me, I’ll pay the price
For asking you once and telling you twice.
But I paid heavily,
The day your emotions turned cold,
Silence speaks a thousand words.

Where do I turn when you turn away?
Its never just the things you say.
You never put me down,
But when I speak you turn around,
And not saying much is saying a lot.

If you spoke the truth, there’d be no doubt,
But your only words are, “we’ll work it out.”
Well, that’s not saying much,
You just don’t give your time,
And that’s where I draw the line.

You’re sending signals,
First of hope, then of insecurity.
Signals of doubt are everywhere and
Subconsciously….
You know you wanna break the ties,
But you use silence, you use lies,
Don’t worry, I’ll return your song of silence,
For silence speaks a thousand words.

Finally Nikki is in Mumbai… she gave me a nice surprise when I reached lonavala and now we are together after 6 months.

I really don’t know how many people actually believe and can read n understand silence but as far as we are concerned we talk the language of silence… I know people who know us wud laugh coz we both are extremely talkative.. Total chatter box.

But another side to us tht most of them don’t know…our silence… for us silence is a state when eyes speak more n heart starts listening and life seems to be more exciting when some1 start reading ur eyes silently. A person, who truly knows u, is some1 who sees pain in ur eyes, while everyone else still believes in the on ur face. It’s been two days tht we are together but lot of things hv been said with silence.

Though lonavala was not much fun coz it was really warm n no rains so we decided to get back today itself and are Nikki’s place. Mumbai’s weather is just perfect. We hv been sitting on the terrace getting wet in the rain…. The dialogue really fits in well “main aur meri tanhai aksar baat kiya karte hain”… hehe

For us, Silence has lot to it, it’s the only expression which has wht some people called emotions, feelings, actions, words rather most of the abstract nouns. I consider silence to be really strong coz only in its presence u get to discover urself, gives u answers to lotta question, is the best answer when u don’t want to answer questions. It depicts strong emotions like anger, love, hatred, jealously, fear, grief. It’s in silence tht ur head n heart are most active, give u ur space to reach out to urself.

Silence definitely speaks a thousand words and silence is more powerful then words who understand the silence!!!!
I just heard Nikki saying to this word silence – “Toofan aane se pehle aksar khamoshi aur shanti hoti hain” – we gals are too filmy naa

Jun 15, 2007

Awesome weather

Since morning the weather is just beautiful, awesome… alternative spans of cloudy weather and rains.. The smell of the wet mud from the garden.. bhini bhini, saundhi saundhi khusboo.. It’s just a peaceful feeling… just gives a feeling of content…

Which just reminds me to wht Parag said about the mud fragrance yest morning. Lemme quote him – “Aaaahhh... this fragrance of wet earth gives an orgasmic sensation!!!” hehe haha – The funny n naughty boy he is.

Awesome weather, listening to Bryan Adams, sitting beside the window with the rain drops sprinkling on my face with a cool breeze, trying to protect my dad’s work laptop from the rain.. Suddenly life is so complete, beautiful, peaceful and a feeling of content.

Jun 13, 2007

Wait till 12th July 2007 -

Finally after all the trouble I get a visa interview date on 12th July. When I was at the VFS n the lady told me the earliest date available is 12th July which I heard it as June so I go like no book the date for 15th June.
So she goes like, “No madam, its 12th July 9.00 am and the next dates available are 17th, 19th , 27th July and 4th August. So should I book for 12th July?”
I was like, “you kidding me, no date before tht?”
“No madam”
“Okies go ahead and book it”

I am still surprised n find it funny that Canadian High Comission is calling so many people for interviews. So if they hv such a high strength of people coming in that people have to wait for a month or more to get a date then they shud hv more than one centers operating. This is damn funny. I really guess the American Embassy works well and is quite faster because they operate at many centers.

Now tht the appointment is fixed, me n dad had been discussing how to get to Delhi, by train or by flight?? Dad was like while going we shud go by train n while coming back we can get back by flight. We both argued a lot on this matter because the tickets had to be booked.

Today morning – newspaper headlines – Indian airlines go an undecided strike. This local airline has been a matter of trouble for quite some time. So many flights get cancelled or are delayed. So with the possibility of such a thing happening on the day of the interview will be a big problem, coz u never know these Indian unions when they can go strike again. So I finally book train tickets.

After I book the tickets my mom goes, “next day ni return ticket kem book kari. Apde tya gaya hoi toh fari ne avte” - which means if we going all the way till Delhi then we should hv gone around traveling. My mom has been traveling n going places every month but yet she isn’t contended. But we will definitely have time to go for shopping there so wil be fun.

Life cant get funnier and stupid thn whts happening now. I planned to be in Toronto by last week of July but now even if I get a permit I wont be able to reach there before mid August. I hv my orientation on 27th August, so everything is going to be neck to neck.

And if I don’t get the permit then I am going to Goa and will celebrate my bday there. Get back and join Quintiles Pharmaceuticals by 25th July. All thngs will now slowly and steadily fall in place whtever will the outcome of the much awaited day – 12th JULY 2007.

Jun 12, 2007

The School of Life – Learning

This life of the ego in his own world, which is so glorious and so fully satisfying for the developed man, plays but a very small part in the life of the ordinary person, for in his stage of development to be awake in his casual body. In obedience to the law of Nature he has lost the sensation of vivid life, and his restless desire to feel this once more pushes him in the direction of another descent into the matter.

This is the scheme of evolution appointed for man at the present stage – that he shall develop by descending into grosser matter, and ascend to carry back into himself the result of the experiences so obtained. His real life, therefore, covers millions of years, and what we are in the habit of calling life is only one day of this greater existence. Indeed, it is in reality only a small part of one day; for a life of seventy years in the physical world is often succeeded by a period of 20 times that length spent in higher spheres.

Every one of us has a long line of these physical lives behind him, and the ordinary man has a fairly long line still in front of him. Each if such lives are a day at school. The ego puts upon himself his garment of flesh and goes forth into the school of the physical world to learn certain lessons. He learns them, or does not learn them, or partially learns them, as the case may be, during his school day of earth-life; then he lays aside the vesture of the flesh and returns home to his own level for rest and refreshment. In the morning of each new life he takes up again his lesson at the point he left it the night before. Some lessons he may be able to learn in one day, while others may take him many days.

If he is an apt pupil and learn quickly what is needed, if he obtains an intelligent grasp of the rules of the school, and takes the trouble to adapt his conduct to them, his school-life is comparatively short, and when it is over he goes forth fully equipped into the real life of the higher worlds for which all this is only a preparation. Other egos are duller boys who do not learn so quickly; some of them do not understand the rules of the school and through that ignorance are constantly breaking them; others are way ward, and even when they see the rules they cannot at once bring themselves to act in harmony with them. All of these have a longer school-life, and by their own actions they delay their entry upon the real life of the higher worlds.

For this is a school in which no pupil ever fails; everyone must go on to the end. The wise pupil, seeing that school-life is not a thing in itself, but only a preparation for a more glorious and far wider life, endeavors to comprehend as fully as possible the rules of his school, and shapes his life in accordance with them as closely as he can, so that no time may be lost in the learning of whatever lessons are necessary.

A Textbook of Theosophy by CW Leadbeater

Jun 9, 2007

Visa Visa Visa

I guess its been really long tht I hv been wasting time behind getting a study permit for canada… I had lot of trouble here getting all the required documents in place on time. When every thing was ready they tell me I can put in an application only in the 90 day period from the start date of course… finally new set of documents n papers were made.
Felt so nice tht finally the application reached the Canadian High Commission. My visa counselor saw no problem in getting a study permit.

Today afternoon, a letter came from the Canadian High Commission stating to further process ur application an interview is required. Damn damn damn, wht the hell are you going to ask me, none of the students are called for an interview then y me..
Now the scene is that I have to get an appointment which I will get for next week so I will spend one more week wondering whts gonna happen. And to add more I will hv to go delhi, not tht I mind but then I will hv to go wid mom coz she going there for some function at 2 big temples, no clue where in delhi. So now I will hv to go with her in the train where I could hv reached delhi in like 2 hrs time by flight n got back home the same evening. Not only that I will hv to stay in those 5 star temples, attend programs but be sweet doll, which I am in no mood for it. So I am going to die in tension biting off my nails n mom is going to hv a vacation. God plz think bout me.

Not that I am going mad to get out of this place but I need to get moving, I am on a halt/wait mode doing nothing in life. Have just been sitting at home doing nothing productive and its hurting me like hell. This is because rght from the day I hv passed my high school I hv been working in all my vacations and I like to keep myself busy. To add more to the fire, I did not take up 3 nice job opportunities, so now if I don’t land up getting a study permit I am sure I will be shattered. And to start from sctrach, god it already hurting me. I hope this trip turns out positive and I get moving.. inshaal allah.. hoping for the best..

Jun 7, 2007

The Business of Prayer

Since yest tht I have put in my visa application, all around me started don’t get tensed n pray to god and ask him to give you the study permit.. so just this my view point so hope everyone who reads it gets the message across..

A famous Sufi story is that a ship is coming back to its home country. It is full of businessmen coming home. Suddenly the ocean goes mad, and the ship is on the verge of sinking. Everybody starts praying. But there was a Sufi who was simply sitting there, not praying.

People became angry; they said, “You are a religious man, wearing the green robe of a Sufi. What kind of a Sufi are you? You should have been the first one to pray. And we are not religious people; we are just businessmen but we are offering God, ‘we will give you this, we will give you that. Just save us.’ why are you not praying?”

He said, “You have already said it: because I am not a businessman. If he wants to finish us all, good. If he wants to save us, good. It is his business. I am in total agreement with him. Why should I pray? Prayer means some disagreement; something is happening which you don’t want to happen. You want God to interfere, to stop it.”

On board was the most wealthy, most famous man of the country and he was coming with millions of diamonds and precious stones. He had a beautiful palace in the town - a most beautiful marble palace. When the ship was almost sunk, the man shouted to God, “Listen, I give that palace to you, just save me!” and as it happened, the winds disappeared, the ocean became calm and the ship was saved. They reached the bank.

Now the rich man was in great difficulty because of what he had said. He said to the Sufi, “Perhaps you were right just to keep quite. If I had followed you, I would not have lost my palace. But I am a businessman and I will find a way.” And he found a way.

The next day he put up his palace for auction. He informed all the nearby kingdoms, whoever interested. Many kings and rich people came; everybody was interested. They were all puzzled to see that just in front of the palace, there was a cat chained to a marble pillar. The rich man came out and said, “This palace and the cat, both are up for auction together. The price of the cat is one million dollars and the price of the palace, one dollar.”

The king of the country said, “Yes, I will give you the price, but please tell me , what is the secret of this cat and the palace?’

And he said, “No secret – I just got into trouble because of a prayer. I have told god that ‘I will give you the palace.’ The cat, one million dollars – I will keep. And the palace: one dollar – that will go to the God’s fund.”

Prayer is just the effort to persuade God to do things according to you. And it is absolutely your imagination. In the first place, you don’t know God. You don’t know his likes and dislikes. This is a poor state of affairs, and this is happening all over the world. But as for me I have known n realized tht I believe in god and I hv got all tht I deserved sometimes n something more thn I deserved… so I just like god n life the way it is !

Jun 5, 2007

Injury Basket

Yea exactly, I think I am carrying an injury basket along with me. Let’s have a count of it.

October – that’s the month when it started when we were coming back from Shirdi and our car met with an accident and I had 12 stiches

December – I suddenly from nowhere fell sick. My hemoglobin levels drops to 7 (normal range is from 11 -15)yet there were no symptoms. i realized about it when i went for medicals for a new LIC policy. Secondly I was under weight according to the doc so went thru a lipid profile and was asked to work out n get rid of commonly called baby fat and put on lean body weight i.e. protein n calcium weight. (I still laugh and remember tht I laughed so loud when doc said I was under weight, I am sure people who have seen me will laugh too) I am still on a diet plan n medicines. Not only that I suffered serious bad cold of my life during this period. Ask people who used to call me to check, rather remind me to take my medicines. Though was a nice experience, wonderd so many people cared for me and I am loved by so many people.. hehe haha

April – again I got struck by an accident. Suddenly a biker zoomed in near Eros cinema, god blessed my reflexes and I pulled myself back. My back hit the pole near it making a inch deep cut on my back with a rot iron flag tht was hanging on the pole. Fortunately a frnd saw me n rushed me to the doc. Now the worst thing was there are no clinics or hospital close to churchgate station so he had to take me to JJ hospital which was closest. My parents being out of town during tht time I had to suffer. Again a week later I was hospitalized coz my back was swollen due to the pressure on my stiches while I slept. God cant forget tht day, my tee was completely blotted with blood

Yesterday – I got up in the morning and found that I couldn’t move my head and had severe pain in my back. I had sprained my neck and back , don’t how and from where. Thanks to Dr. Nikhil and my good friend. Mom called him up and the physiotherapist was at my service. Wow its was awesome when he massaged my neck. Sometimes I think I have got some good docs at easy reach thru the time I have spent at KEM hospital. Thanks a ton nikhil.. I definitely make pani puri and pasta for you, now I will have to treat you, I cant escape.

Today – I was n this rickshaw and don’t know what and how it happened tht my rickshaw took a turn in a gulli and there came in 2 rickshaw at speed and I guess mine wud have crashed with those two. And I hear sudden breaks of all the three, gosh I was just saved.

Now looking back at all this, I really think that either I am carrying an injury basket or every time god thinks of inviting me to meet him and then suddenly calls of his plans.. therez definitely something good, blessing or love or whatever u call… coz I hv felt tht I almost was close to death and yet I survived.. a very different feeling which I cant express in words.

Jun 4, 2007

My all time favorite song

This is the first song I listen everyday and don’t know for how many years now… its just too close to my heart. Last night on the terrace - me, the dark clouded sky, the moon and the stars with this song on my ipod.. just touched me more than ever… just felt like like putting it here

Tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi heran hu main
Tere massom sawalon se pareshan hu main.

Jeene ke liye socha hi nahi dard sambhal ne honge
Muskuraye toh muskurane ke karz utarne honge
Muskurau kabhi toh lagta hain
Hooton pe koi karz rakha hain.

Zindagi tere gum ne hame
Rishte naye samjhaye
Mile jo hume dhup me mile
Chav ke thande saaye.

Ankh agar bhar aayi hain boonde baras jayegi
Kal kya pata inke liye ankhe taras jayegi
Jane kab ghum hua, kaha kho gaya
Ek ansu chupa ke rakha tha.

Tujhse naraaz nahi zindagi heran hu main
Tere massom sawalon se pareshan hu main.

The Weekend..

Weekend started with a good note… I couldn’t believe that we were discussing our plan to meet on sat evening on a conference call with 5 people – 4 mad guys and 1 stupid girls (obviously me), as if we were discussing some serious business matter. We decided to go to juhu beach since the weather was nice. When I was ready to leave in the evening the rains poured in n the sad guys cancelled the program n we landed up going to raghuleela, aww but at the end of the day we had good food n a bike ride in the awesome weather. What else could I have asked for??

Sunday morning I went for a 10.15 show at the imax dome for pirates.. wow was fun watching the movie at the dome but the only thing was I had to wake up early coz nikhil drove me from kandivli to mulund for the movie, tht too so early in the morning. Laterz we went to zenzi, I love tht place. After a good, nice wonderful morning n afternoon I had to be at home with mom in the evening because she had been complaining since long tht I don’t stay at home over the weekends. Spent some time wid her and over the phone talking to frnds. Wht a lovely night it was yesterday. At 10.30 I went to the terrace to enjoy the night with the moon n stars, wow it was just so amazing.

Watching the sky at night I something I love the most. It’s so peaceful and there is so much content u feel. Just perfect with cool breeze flowing in, lil drizzle of rain.. wow beautiful.. just plain simply beautiful.