It wasn’t like every yr, coz I wud be all geared up for my bday a week b4 n this time a day b4 i didnt even realize where my day went. Though I guess this yr ppl were all charged up to wish me at midnight, they landed up calling me b4 12 so technically I was attending calls of ppl wishing me happy bday to be precise from 18th July 11.45 pm till 19th July 2.35am. Like every year the war btwn Nikita, Janavi n Karan (though hez never the one competing) as on who wishes me the first Janavi called 10 mins b4 n didn’t hung up the call till 12, Kay called on the landline sharp at 12 n Nikki trying to call on either lines cudnt make it at 12.. hehe haha (she never won in this in pst 8 yrs, though makes a genuine effort every year). The other smarties i.e. Kunal, Vaibhav, Shreyang, Shruti, Vanshika, Tapan jiju n Sheetal Di all on a conference call wished me all together, tht was good fun.
I was damn tired, tht really was not in the mood to attend calls but since every1 had put in an effort to stay up late atleast who were in India to wish me so half in sleep I attended the calls. Then comes the morning n mum wakes me up at like 6.30 am don’t even remem y did she wake me n then I don’t get sleep once I m up so again by 7, I was on calls and opening the door n flowers n cakes kept flowing in..
I hv to thank all those guys sitting in the USA & Australia and its been years tht I get my gifts (they were quite interesting this yr), bunch of roses(they are my fav, brings a smile on my face ne time I get them frm whoever) n my fav cake delivered to me n made it so special every year… this time cudnt plunge on the cake coz it was a Thursday n my fast so cudnt eat the cake yest, n the dark devil dutch chocolate cake n black forest both had the common tag line like every yr “ Happy birthday to D = DEVIL = Darshita”. I hv 3 kgs of cake at my place n I m going to eat it all n I don’t mind the calories because it was sent with lots of love !!!
All my frnds they are quite in good number were disappointed coz I cudnt meet ne1 coz I had promised my family ppl tht will spend my day with them n being a grl of my word did the same. But all in all not a happening n rocking day but was filled with lotta good wishes n blessing from elders n lot of love frm yonger ones, a very contending day..
N yea for being from a gujrati family 23 = 25, so wid it came in lotta advices n suggestions n do’d n don’t’s hehehe hahaha.. some interesting things and very appealing n out of the box kinda advice were given… I hv rocking ppl in my family.. cheers to them.
Jul 20, 2007
Jul 4, 2007
Again its JULY…
Since Friday I was feeling really sad n low. I just had this strange thing that I was missing something in life and didn’t know y was I feeling so. I told this to few of my frnds, and they got worried and kept pestering me to tell them wht was wrong, but I kept telling them I really didn’t know wht was wrong. They kept asking me so many times tht I switched off my phone n told them the phone stopped working coz it got wet in the rain. I still hvnt spoken to ne1 and its now 5 days n my phone is still switched off…
Did I tell them the truth????
Nopes…. I really knew wht was wrong wid me n wht I was missing so much…. Y am I always in a self-denial mode????
Today reminds of July ’02 – for the first time when I decided to move towards something I badly wanted in my life. This feeling spontaneously awakened the so called writer/poet withing me. I started writing small thoughtful articles n poems in hindi which eventually led me to write everyday… God knows how much I used to write, the moment I had even like 5 mins of free time I used to sit wid my dairy and keep writing. I have a collection of 8 diaries all filled with writings in HINDI (one is with nikki which she stole, so total 9). Something I was really possessive about n till today no1 is allowed to neither read them nor even touch them.
Then came Dec ’02, in just 6 months reality struck me really hard and there I was all scattered around in lil pieces which were so difficult to gather. I was still gathering the scattered pieces even after 5 years until today. I remem tht nite when I controlled my tears till every1 went to sleep n then I locked myself in the kitchen n cried all thru the nite. When I woke up in the morning my eyes were really badly swollen with puffiness n my mum dad thought tht I had got an eye infection unaware of the nite tht passed by was a really long n a bad one.
It was a big challenge for me to gather myself at tht point of time widout letting my family know wht I had been thru. I had none of my frnds around, I had to do it all by myself. At so many times I felt tht I wanted to hug them n cry myself out but was unable to do tht. It took really really long for me to recover. The biggest thing tht I feared and I still fear is myself n my emotions. I dint realize tht I stopped accepting my feeling. Thts y I say I was in a self denial mode. I had locked myself somewhere deep within my heart.
I lost myself being DARSHITA – the arrogant, shrud, sarcastic, bitchy, fussy, strict, selfish gal & TASHI – the stupid, idiot emotional fool who used to move one with a simple kind gesture. I was totally lost being one of the two and forgot tht ME was a good and right mix of both of them.
Today after 5 yrs, mnth of JULY – while I was solving my sis’s math’s problems, AGAIN a few words came to my mind and I penned them down till I finished it. To what I read tht I had written – don’t know, but it sounded a kind of a message to me. I just went in a sound silent thought. Again I cried locking myself in the room after reading wht I had written. But this time it was for good. I just felt I found all the scattered lil pieces n I was once again the same old gal.
The next thing I did was removed all those diaries and even without opening them once I went n threw them in guttar. Aaahhhh but it dint hurt me at all while doing this n it surprised me in it itself. My mum, dad n my sis were shocked to see tht I actually threw them off. Hehehe hahaha
Today I’m so much relaxed, gathered and all collected very much open in my mind. I have set new goals for myself and will move ahead with them. Wow.. after so long I m feeling so light at heart and head….
It’s been like Lost and Found… Yippee.. cheers
Did I tell them the truth????
Nopes…. I really knew wht was wrong wid me n wht I was missing so much…. Y am I always in a self-denial mode????
Today reminds of July ’02 – for the first time when I decided to move towards something I badly wanted in my life. This feeling spontaneously awakened the so called writer/poet withing me. I started writing small thoughtful articles n poems in hindi which eventually led me to write everyday… God knows how much I used to write, the moment I had even like 5 mins of free time I used to sit wid my dairy and keep writing. I have a collection of 8 diaries all filled with writings in HINDI (one is with nikki which she stole, so total 9). Something I was really possessive about n till today no1 is allowed to neither read them nor even touch them.
Then came Dec ’02, in just 6 months reality struck me really hard and there I was all scattered around in lil pieces which were so difficult to gather. I was still gathering the scattered pieces even after 5 years until today. I remem tht nite when I controlled my tears till every1 went to sleep n then I locked myself in the kitchen n cried all thru the nite. When I woke up in the morning my eyes were really badly swollen with puffiness n my mum dad thought tht I had got an eye infection unaware of the nite tht passed by was a really long n a bad one.
It was a big challenge for me to gather myself at tht point of time widout letting my family know wht I had been thru. I had none of my frnds around, I had to do it all by myself. At so many times I felt tht I wanted to hug them n cry myself out but was unable to do tht. It took really really long for me to recover. The biggest thing tht I feared and I still fear is myself n my emotions. I dint realize tht I stopped accepting my feeling. Thts y I say I was in a self denial mode. I had locked myself somewhere deep within my heart.
I lost myself being DARSHITA – the arrogant, shrud, sarcastic, bitchy, fussy, strict, selfish gal & TASHI – the stupid, idiot emotional fool who used to move one with a simple kind gesture. I was totally lost being one of the two and forgot tht ME was a good and right mix of both of them.
Today after 5 yrs, mnth of JULY – while I was solving my sis’s math’s problems, AGAIN a few words came to my mind and I penned them down till I finished it. To what I read tht I had written – don’t know, but it sounded a kind of a message to me. I just went in a sound silent thought. Again I cried locking myself in the room after reading wht I had written. But this time it was for good. I just felt I found all the scattered lil pieces n I was once again the same old gal.
The next thing I did was removed all those diaries and even without opening them once I went n threw them in guttar. Aaahhhh but it dint hurt me at all while doing this n it surprised me in it itself. My mum, dad n my sis were shocked to see tht I actually threw them off. Hehehe hahaha
Today I’m so much relaxed, gathered and all collected very much open in my mind. I have set new goals for myself and will move ahead with them. Wow.. after so long I m feeling so light at heart and head….
It’s been like Lost and Found… Yippee.. cheers
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)