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May 16, 2011

A New Chapter......

I am lying on my bed with candles lit, looking outside my beautiful french window with a view of lit high-rise buildings giving a definition to the skyline. Very calm and serene just missing a clear sky and the full moon.

I just finish talking o mom, its her wedding aniversary and I totally forgot about it. Damn!! good I did not get caught with the fact that I had totally forgotten about it but she called asked for a gift herself so atleast I wished her. And in all the conversations where she contradicted herself in all she was talking about her marriage and her husband... "Dad" :) Feels good to know that all it takes is love to hang in there.

Everyday I think that I should start writing again. I missed writing but that spirit was missing. That one reason to bring me back was missing. I guess I found it just a few minutes back.

You know how it is when you have accepted within your head to let go of something and to move on, but deep down inside there is that one last thing that you wish should happen just to make yourself feel that it was a justice done to you. Something like that just happen, I got a news and it made me so happy, it was deep down within me that I never told anyone about it, nor even complained or asked God to do so (I have a tendency to talk to god in my head and while I am praying... I fight, complain - I am a weirdo but for sure dont need any psychiatric help for it :D)

I have to admit I can never complain to God that he never listens to me. He has always given me everything I wanted, I mean it... EVERYTHING!!!! and the things I did not get, I never wanted it badly because I always had doubts about it. I know I am always heard by Him, even things that I dont say or ask for which are deep down inside which I think I am not worthy of.

I really have to thank god for making me feel worth it all over again!!!! there was thing one thing that came to my mind when I was hurt, broken and shattered and it was my grief that I wished for this day, it was heard and granted.... I just dont want it to be true any further of what I wished since`it leads to being hurt and to someone who in no ways is responsible for my hurt feelings.... I would not want to anyone to go through a heartache... it really hurts a lot and takes a big part of you before it can leave you!!

Change is necessary with time and with time I have changed too. Somethings I wished for and somethings time and life brought... but when I look back, I feel blessed, I feel loved and taken care of!!!!

Hope this night leads to a beautiful morning and fills my life all over again with sunshine, bright days. I know I can never be who I was, but this one is better in someways, all it needs to learn is to trust herself again!!!

Burying the hardships, bad times and hurt feelings from the past, taking the strength of love, blessings and moments of happiness I would like to start a new chapter saying thank you to all who were a part and left and taking along and moving forward with all who stood and stuck by me and all entered my life to create more beautiful memories that would bring smile on my face when I think about them another beautiful night sometime in future!!!!

Thank you GOD for everything... Like I used to say I`m a part of everything that I`ve met

1 comment:

malvikaa-always on the move said...

Truly said - I am part of everything I've met.

Like your wandering mind. You might find James Allen's - As a Man thinketh a worthy read....