I am lying on my bed with candles lit, looking outside my beautiful french window with a view of lit high-rise buildings giving a definition to the skyline. Very calm and serene just missing a clear sky and the full moon.
I just finish talking o mom, its her wedding aniversary and I totally forgot about it. Damn!! good I did not get caught with the fact that I had totally forgotten about it but she called asked for a gift herself so atleast I wished her. And in all the conversations where she contradicted herself in all she was talking about her marriage and her husband... "Dad" :) Feels good to know that all it takes is love to hang in there.
Everyday I think that I should start writing again. I missed writing but that spirit was missing. That one reason to bring me back was missing. I guess I found it just a few minutes back.
You know how it is when you have accepted within your head to let go of something and to move on, but deep down inside there is that one last thing that you wish should happen just to make yourself feel that it was a justice done to you. Something like that just happen, I got a news and it made me so happy, it was deep down within me that I never told anyone about it, nor even complained or asked God to do so (I have a tendency to talk to god in my head and while I am praying... I fight, complain - I am a weirdo but for sure dont need any psychiatric help for it :D)
I have to admit I can never complain to God that he never listens to me. He has always given me everything I wanted, I mean it... EVERYTHING!!!! and the things I did not get, I never wanted it badly because I always had doubts about it. I know I am always heard by Him, even things that I dont say or ask for which are deep down inside which I think I am not worthy of.
I really have to thank god for making me feel worth it all over again!!!! there was thing one thing that came to my mind when I was hurt, broken and shattered and it was my grief that I wished for this day, it was heard and granted.... I just dont want it to be true any further of what I wished since`it leads to being hurt and to someone who in no ways is responsible for my hurt feelings.... I would not want to anyone to go through a heartache... it really hurts a lot and takes a big part of you before it can leave you!!
Change is necessary with time and with time I have changed too. Somethings I wished for and somethings time and life brought... but when I look back, I feel blessed, I feel loved and taken care of!!!!
Hope this night leads to a beautiful morning and fills my life all over again with sunshine, bright days. I know I can never be who I was, but this one is better in someways, all it needs to learn is to trust herself again!!!
Burying the hardships, bad times and hurt feelings from the past, taking the strength of love, blessings and moments of happiness I would like to start a new chapter saying thank you to all who were a part and left and taking along and moving forward with all who stood and stuck by me and all entered my life to create more beautiful memories that would bring smile on my face when I think about them another beautiful night sometime in future!!!!
Thank you GOD for everything... Like I used to say I`m a part of everything that I`ve met
May 16, 2011
Jan 25, 2011
Its about time when......
Every single day I think that I should start writing again and should come back to my blog, but I believe I have lost that inner spirit. I wanted it to come back so I thought if nothing I should atleast write what I feel about writing.....
I want things to be like before where I was in control of atleast certain things. Other were never a reason for my happiness or my satisfaction..... I was self inflicted, i used to compete with myself and used to do things for myself, what made me happy and thinking about I, me and myself.... I had never needed a materialistic or other people to make me happy or who I was.
But since the day I put someone before myself, things started getting out of my control and life took a 360 degree turn. But as it said life does comes to a full circle, I hope I can come back to the same point where everything around me was mine.
Hope this brings back the time :)
I want things to be like before where I was in control of atleast certain things. Other were never a reason for my happiness or my satisfaction..... I was self inflicted, i used to compete with myself and used to do things for myself, what made me happy and thinking about I, me and myself.... I had never needed a materialistic or other people to make me happy or who I was.
But since the day I put someone before myself, things started getting out of my control and life took a 360 degree turn. But as it said life does comes to a full circle, I hope I can come back to the same point where everything around me was mine.
Hope this brings back the time :)
Apr 3, 2010
"SOMEDAY....."
Recently I have been using this word so often; like 'Someday I will be in that position doing tht thing', 'at somepoint that person will realize my importence how much helpful i was', 'Someday I will have a house in this area'.... and so on and so forth... hundreds of things, I've been using this word so often that I have started thinking when will this someday/at some point actually be a day in the present, why can't that someday/some point be today!
These thoughts of someday, although has helped me to learn about what I really wish deep down inside and my aspirations, probably it has led to me to find a way, work towards actually accomplishing them.
The word “Someday” is too ambiguous. It’s just not REAL, not a goal, a deadline, or an estimation — it’s an unspecified time in the future so indefinite that it’s borderline fantasy. As a result, it tends to promote inaction rather than action. Telling yourself that you want to do something someday doesn’t accomplish much — yet it’s human nature to think this way. People commonly proclaim “I want to get married someday,” or “I want to be rich someday.”
They have good reason for being so unspecific: It’s comforting to make goals that lack a due date. There’s no pressure to get it done immediately because there’s always tomorrow. In other words:There’s always the rest of your life for your perfect “Someday” to arrive, but unfortunately, it never comes because, we have to do ours actions for it to happen.
The truth is, you won’t experience that “Someday” you’re looking forward to unless you take action today. When you convince yourself that you have the rest of your life to do something, you’ll experience day after day of inaction until you’ve lost your chance to actually do it.
I learned this, learned it the hard way. That’s why you can’t make plans for someday. One of my favorite authors writes how “folks who have one foot in the future and the other in the past and spend their time pissin all over today because of it.” (Stephen King, from Four Past Midnight) — I agree wholeheartedly.
If you find yourself saying “I wish I had (done something differently),” the thing to do is let it go. Don’t live in your past.If you find yourself saying “I want to (do something) someday,” the thing to do is change your outlook, act to make it happen for the future.
"The past is gone... you cant change it, future is not yet here.... you dont know anything about it... what you have is your present, you can control it and work with it, on it; so that when the present becomes the becomes the past, you would not feel "I wish I had..." while you are in your future"
These thoughts of someday, although has helped me to learn about what I really wish deep down inside and my aspirations, probably it has led to me to find a way, work towards actually accomplishing them.
The word “Someday” is too ambiguous. It’s just not REAL, not a goal, a deadline, or an estimation — it’s an unspecified time in the future so indefinite that it’s borderline fantasy. As a result, it tends to promote inaction rather than action. Telling yourself that you want to do something someday doesn’t accomplish much — yet it’s human nature to think this way. People commonly proclaim “I want to get married someday,” or “I want to be rich someday.”
They have good reason for being so unspecific: It’s comforting to make goals that lack a due date. There’s no pressure to get it done immediately because there’s always tomorrow. In other words:There’s always the rest of your life for your perfect “Someday” to arrive, but unfortunately, it never comes because, we have to do ours actions for it to happen.
The truth is, you won’t experience that “Someday” you’re looking forward to unless you take action today. When you convince yourself that you have the rest of your life to do something, you’ll experience day after day of inaction until you’ve lost your chance to actually do it.
I learned this, learned it the hard way. That’s why you can’t make plans for someday. One of my favorite authors writes how “folks who have one foot in the future and the other in the past and spend their time pissin all over today because of it.” (Stephen King, from Four Past Midnight) — I agree wholeheartedly.
If you find yourself saying “I wish I had (done something differently),” the thing to do is let it go. Don’t live in your past.If you find yourself saying “I want to (do something) someday,” the thing to do is change your outlook, act to make it happen for the future.
"The past is gone... you cant change it, future is not yet here.... you dont know anything about it... what you have is your present, you can control it and work with it, on it; so that when the present becomes the becomes the past, you would not feel "I wish I had..." while you are in your future"
Apr 1, 2010
Random Quotes
Three quotes that I came across, randomly, during the day and it got me into DEEP THINKING!!! I haven't done that in a while... Looking deep inside!
'There comes a point in your life that you have to realize and accept that you'll never be good enough for some people even if you give up yourself to live life for them, just their way they would want you to, So you need to let go of it!'
'The reason why some people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, present worse than it is and future less resolved than it will be.'
'In life you can absolutely count on one thing – Everything can turn around in a Day, In a minute, In a moment – this defines HOPE and LEAP of FAITH.'
'There comes a point in your life that you have to realize and accept that you'll never be good enough for some people even if you give up yourself to live life for them, just their way they would want you to, So you need to let go of it!'
'The reason why some people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, present worse than it is and future less resolved than it will be.'
'In life you can absolutely count on one thing – Everything can turn around in a Day, In a minute, In a moment – this defines HOPE and LEAP of FAITH.'
Dec 8, 2009
Mindfulness
After reading - A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
Mindfullness is simply bringing our awareness into the present moment, noticing what is happening right NOW!!! All we have is this very moment. The past is in the past. The future will always remain in future, because once it arrives it becomes present. The future becomes the "NOW". All we can know for certain is what is happening right now. The freedom from worries of what might or might not happen is in the present moment. Relief from the regrets of the past is in the present moment. Peace comes from letting go of the past and the future, learning from our experiences and accepting who we are right now.
Through my own personal life experience, I've come to realize how challenging it is to stay in the present moment when what we desire always seems to be in the next step. We become so consumed with the next step that we miss out on what is happening right now. It is easy to get caught up in what isn't working and what isn't happening. If we continue to past or the future, we are missing out on life, because life is happening right NOW!!!
For some of us, focussing on the past or future is a way of avoiding the present. By focusing on the future we can avoid any pain, anxiety and loss we are feeling in this moment. But avoiding those feelings won't make them go away; infact it will eventually negatively impact our health.
Practising the 3 A's
1. Awarness - noticing our thoughts and checking how we feel and getting a sense how those feelings show up in our physical body
2. Acceptance - Acceptance is such an important thing and its the most important wich most of us skip it. They end up holding negative emotions like anger and guilt in the physical body. Then they turn into self judgement and the self defeating cycle continues...
3. Action - Sometimes acceptance is the Action. There will be times that the process of making peace with our thoughts and feelings is enough to soften the negative emotions. Other times we will need to take action. It is important to choose the action steps that work best for us.
We can begin practising mindfullness using everyday tasks such as eating, walking, listening, working etc. When we focus on what we are doing, seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting or feeling, we are being mindful
Ask ourselves frequently throught out the day "what is happening right now". Noticing everything around us and begin looking around the world as if we were looking at the world for the very first time..Looking closely, listening intently, and allowing all our senses to guide us to explore the world in every moment.Savouring all the details and cherishing each moment sd it arrives. For each moment is a "present". It is a Gift!
As we receieve the gift or present moment we will be able to find peace, a deep sense of peace that will help us guide through our journey. We have the ability to transform our expereince of life and life is occuring now!!!
Mindfullness is simply bringing our awareness into the present moment, noticing what is happening right NOW!!! All we have is this very moment. The past is in the past. The future will always remain in future, because once it arrives it becomes present. The future becomes the "NOW". All we can know for certain is what is happening right now. The freedom from worries of what might or might not happen is in the present moment. Relief from the regrets of the past is in the present moment. Peace comes from letting go of the past and the future, learning from our experiences and accepting who we are right now.
Through my own personal life experience, I've come to realize how challenging it is to stay in the present moment when what we desire always seems to be in the next step. We become so consumed with the next step that we miss out on what is happening right now. It is easy to get caught up in what isn't working and what isn't happening. If we continue to past or the future, we are missing out on life, because life is happening right NOW!!!
For some of us, focussing on the past or future is a way of avoiding the present. By focusing on the future we can avoid any pain, anxiety and loss we are feeling in this moment. But avoiding those feelings won't make them go away; infact it will eventually negatively impact our health.
Practising the 3 A's
1. Awarness - noticing our thoughts and checking how we feel and getting a sense how those feelings show up in our physical body
2. Acceptance - Acceptance is such an important thing and its the most important wich most of us skip it. They end up holding negative emotions like anger and guilt in the physical body. Then they turn into self judgement and the self defeating cycle continues...
3. Action - Sometimes acceptance is the Action. There will be times that the process of making peace with our thoughts and feelings is enough to soften the negative emotions. Other times we will need to take action. It is important to choose the action steps that work best for us.
We can begin practising mindfullness using everyday tasks such as eating, walking, listening, working etc. When we focus on what we are doing, seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting or feeling, we are being mindful
Ask ourselves frequently throught out the day "what is happening right now". Noticing everything around us and begin looking around the world as if we were looking at the world for the very first time..Looking closely, listening intently, and allowing all our senses to guide us to explore the world in every moment.Savouring all the details and cherishing each moment sd it arrives. For each moment is a "present". It is a Gift!
As we receieve the gift or present moment we will be able to find peace, a deep sense of peace that will help us guide through our journey. We have the ability to transform our expereince of life and life is occuring now!!!
Apr 23, 2009
All you need is a Good Companionship!!!!
Let me take the most common of the Wedding Vows – “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part” – Honestly how many of us actually practice it in real life. Be it the Man or the Wife – you always land up saying – “You don’t understand me”.
Just like rest of the zillions of people in the world, neither do I know what works for me & what doesn’t... nor do I know what I would like and I wouldn’t like because it depends from person to person and situation to situation I would be with.
As per for me, I am different with different people, sometimes I am so predictable while there are times when you will fail to figure me out. I do live different lives - I am different when I am home, with my close ones, I differ as a person with my different sets of friends, you would refuse that you hv known me if you catch me at work. There are only a handful of people who have seen me in all the different shades of my personality, so much to say that even my parents and some of my bestest friends will be taken by surprise at some point.
This brings me to the point how people have perceived me – just to mention a few - some people thought I was – “Arrogant, proudy, bold, bitchy, full of Attitude, Strict and the best one my manager told me “NO NONSENSE PERSON” to the other side – Shy, hesitant, introvert, Calm, Respecting” when they met me for the first time, which does not make me either good nor bad.
My Companion, My partner - I want to be with someone where I can be myself where I'm my mum n dad’s girl, didi to my younger ones. I come with all my beliefs, value system and relationships and would want to add his to mine in my pot filled with loving people.
I want to be corrected when I am wrong, I don’t know everything, I’m not perfect. But; tell me “this is a better option, it’s done this way” and not shouting “don’t u know such a simple thing, I’m telling you its a bad idea/choice/option”. I can deal with hot and short tempered, highly impatient person but not some who has violent streak in his anger and throws things around and has no control over his anger.
Where we have conversations from stupidest stuff to being able to share deep down heart secrets and feel at comfort sharing those moments, where you don’t have to worry about being judged on your every action – it’s only then you can be yourself, mutually being able to share what certain things and people mean to you and being able to respect that. Talks to me about his friends and family, even work; so what if I don’t understand a shit of what he is talking about, the girls he has liked, LOVED and hated.
He who knows to live life in small moments that we share every day, has kindness, want to help people where he can, volunteer for needy, can share his happiness and richness, stay humble irrespective of his status and success, respecting elders, who wants to stay with his parents and siblings and have a family. If given a chance at some point I want to adopt a child, and can be supportive of a selfless act like that. Who want to have kids not because you have to have kids but want to enjoy parenthood, want to have a daughter so that he can have his “Daddy’s princess” and a son where he can cheer him in his game and be a proud dad saying "That's my boy".
Fights happen everywhere, disagreements are there. I want to have disagreements, want to fight prolly for something as mere as the remote control and TV shows, where both of us want to win while we are selecting something like dishes, furniture, blinds, curtains, kitchen appliances, wall color – why not??? This is life!!!! Fight, disagree with each other for protecting one another’s family, near and dear ones, go out walking hands in hands, share ice creams - rather in my way, “Let me try yours” and give urs to him, go cycling, short run, beating one another to the door – In doing all these whoever wins, I’m sure makes both of them happy. Doing such things does make you look stupid, BUT it’s COMPANIONSHIP, a strong Partnership!!!
One who enjoys backpack traveling, goin to zoo’s – looking at the monkey’s and chimpanzee’s trying to match each others face, long drives with windows, sunroof open and not worrying about the car and the gas just enjoying the view with the music and a comfortable silence between us, who makes faces while I pick up candles and agarbatti’s and then smile later on. Likes to sit by the window, enjoys a cup of tea, moves around the house while I am doing up things, goes mad when I want to keep the house clean, splash, sprinkle water while doing dishes, has strong taste buds and flair for food, can enjoy eating pani puri on a street cart without worrying if its hygienic or not but instead agreeing that it would give some immunity to the body, Pillow fights, running around the house. Who says only kids can do that????
When you are upset, stressed, tensed, gives you space to be by yourself. Help each other grow and succeed. Be the light at the end of the tunnel for one another when you losing hope; build up the faith for one another by letting them know that you are going to be there for them. Life is not a bed of roses but you protect each other from the thorns that are lying, if you are hurt help you recover, help you believe in yourself.
All this seems to be a long list, very novelish, filmi for some people but it’s not. These are the small moments of life and there is nothing unreal or something that can’t happen. You just need that other person who believes in all these things equally and understand what such moments mean and represent. No wonder its said that “A good friend will be a good partner but a good partner need not be a good friend”.. May be you might not “LOVE” the person, or may be your partner might not “LOVE” you but you like each other as companions – that is important, you are comfortable being with that person and can be yourself that is what that matters at the end. I call it a TRUE GOOD COMPANIONSHIP
You don’t need lots of money, lavish lifestyle and materialistic luxuries to have a good time; you just need one good companion – its not where we are but with whom we are that makes the difference!!!!
Just like rest of the zillions of people in the world, neither do I know what works for me & what doesn’t... nor do I know what I would like and I wouldn’t like because it depends from person to person and situation to situation I would be with.
As per for me, I am different with different people, sometimes I am so predictable while there are times when you will fail to figure me out. I do live different lives - I am different when I am home, with my close ones, I differ as a person with my different sets of friends, you would refuse that you hv known me if you catch me at work. There are only a handful of people who have seen me in all the different shades of my personality, so much to say that even my parents and some of my bestest friends will be taken by surprise at some point.
This brings me to the point how people have perceived me – just to mention a few - some people thought I was – “Arrogant, proudy, bold, bitchy, full of Attitude, Strict and the best one my manager told me “NO NONSENSE PERSON” to the other side – Shy, hesitant, introvert, Calm, Respecting” when they met me for the first time, which does not make me either good nor bad.
My Companion, My partner - I want to be with someone where I can be myself where I'm my mum n dad’s girl, didi to my younger ones. I come with all my beliefs, value system and relationships and would want to add his to mine in my pot filled with loving people.
I want to be corrected when I am wrong, I don’t know everything, I’m not perfect. But; tell me “this is a better option, it’s done this way” and not shouting “don’t u know such a simple thing, I’m telling you its a bad idea/choice/option”. I can deal with hot and short tempered, highly impatient person but not some who has violent streak in his anger and throws things around and has no control over his anger.
Where we have conversations from stupidest stuff to being able to share deep down heart secrets and feel at comfort sharing those moments, where you don’t have to worry about being judged on your every action – it’s only then you can be yourself, mutually being able to share what certain things and people mean to you and being able to respect that. Talks to me about his friends and family, even work; so what if I don’t understand a shit of what he is talking about, the girls he has liked, LOVED and hated.
He who knows to live life in small moments that we share every day, has kindness, want to help people where he can, volunteer for needy, can share his happiness and richness, stay humble irrespective of his status and success, respecting elders, who wants to stay with his parents and siblings and have a family. If given a chance at some point I want to adopt a child, and can be supportive of a selfless act like that. Who want to have kids not because you have to have kids but want to enjoy parenthood, want to have a daughter so that he can have his “Daddy’s princess” and a son where he can cheer him in his game and be a proud dad saying "That's my boy".
Fights happen everywhere, disagreements are there. I want to have disagreements, want to fight prolly for something as mere as the remote control and TV shows, where both of us want to win while we are selecting something like dishes, furniture, blinds, curtains, kitchen appliances, wall color – why not??? This is life!!!! Fight, disagree with each other for protecting one another’s family, near and dear ones, go out walking hands in hands, share ice creams - rather in my way, “Let me try yours” and give urs to him, go cycling, short run, beating one another to the door – In doing all these whoever wins, I’m sure makes both of them happy. Doing such things does make you look stupid, BUT it’s COMPANIONSHIP, a strong Partnership!!!
One who enjoys backpack traveling, goin to zoo’s – looking at the monkey’s and chimpanzee’s trying to match each others face, long drives with windows, sunroof open and not worrying about the car and the gas just enjoying the view with the music and a comfortable silence between us, who makes faces while I pick up candles and agarbatti’s and then smile later on. Likes to sit by the window, enjoys a cup of tea, moves around the house while I am doing up things, goes mad when I want to keep the house clean, splash, sprinkle water while doing dishes, has strong taste buds and flair for food, can enjoy eating pani puri on a street cart without worrying if its hygienic or not but instead agreeing that it would give some immunity to the body, Pillow fights, running around the house. Who says only kids can do that????
When you are upset, stressed, tensed, gives you space to be by yourself. Help each other grow and succeed. Be the light at the end of the tunnel for one another when you losing hope; build up the faith for one another by letting them know that you are going to be there for them. Life is not a bed of roses but you protect each other from the thorns that are lying, if you are hurt help you recover, help you believe in yourself.
All this seems to be a long list, very novelish, filmi for some people but it’s not. These are the small moments of life and there is nothing unreal or something that can’t happen. You just need that other person who believes in all these things equally and understand what such moments mean and represent. No wonder its said that “A good friend will be a good partner but a good partner need not be a good friend”.. May be you might not “LOVE” the person, or may be your partner might not “LOVE” you but you like each other as companions – that is important, you are comfortable being with that person and can be yourself that is what that matters at the end. I call it a TRUE GOOD COMPANIONSHIP
You don’t need lots of money, lavish lifestyle and materialistic luxuries to have a good time; you just need one good companion – its not where we are but with whom we are that makes the difference!!!!
Jan 30, 2009
About a man.....
What happens to a man when
He spills his heart on a page... and
He watches words flow away then
His feelings lie on the page alone
There waiting
For someone who cares to read them
To open their eyes to see them
To see if they can make his thoughts their own
What happens to a soul when
It's trapped inside his emotions
And all of these words he's spoken
They bind him to the life he's left behind
And every new step he takes
He knows that he might not make it
To all of these dreams that he has yet to find
Maybe your life's not perfect
But maybe it's not worth what he gives away
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Letting you see through me
Now only consumes me
Forget your pain and watch me fall apart
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Yipee!!!! This is my first post of 2009.....
After series of events that happened since August 2008, I was feeling that I never be able to write again in my life... Unexpected, undesired things kept happening and got completely trapped in my life that i was badly looking for freedom, freedom of thoughts, words and time. I'm glad I managed to get out from the trap and back :D
Lots more to come.... every one shud keeping smiling
He spills his heart on a page... and
He watches words flow away then
His feelings lie on the page alone
There waiting
For someone who cares to read them
To open their eyes to see them
To see if they can make his thoughts their own
What happens to a soul when
It's trapped inside his emotions
And all of these words he's spoken
They bind him to the life he's left behind
And every new step he takes
He knows that he might not make it
To all of these dreams that he has yet to find
Maybe your life's not perfect
But maybe it's not worth what he gives away
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Letting you see through me
Now only consumes me
Forget your pain and watch me fall apart
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Yipee!!!! This is my first post of 2009.....
After series of events that happened since August 2008, I was feeling that I never be able to write again in my life... Unexpected, undesired things kept happening and got completely trapped in my life that i was badly looking for freedom, freedom of thoughts, words and time. I'm glad I managed to get out from the trap and back :D
Lots more to come.... every one shud keeping smiling
Aug 27, 2008
Winter's Roads
I read this and just put's my feelings at this moment in words.
by Ron Carnell
I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.
Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.
From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.
This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.
But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.
For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place
by Ron Carnell
I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.
Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.
From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.
This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.
But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.
For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place
May 21, 2008
Now I hv no title for this one!!
A lonely seagull flies the winds
Majestic... soaring...gliding wings
A single screech sounds from the sky
Come fly with me... come here and fly
My spirit floats to be a part
I feel the beating of its heart
My soul, one with this bird of sea
Now knows the meaning to fly free
I feel the winds caress my soul
And soar the streams without a goal
My being trembles of delight
A treasure I received tonight
The seagull's flight of soaring high
The gift of what it means to fly
Majestic... soaring...gliding wings
A single screech sounds from the sky
Come fly with me... come here and fly
My spirit floats to be a part
I feel the beating of its heart
My soul, one with this bird of sea
Now knows the meaning to fly free
I feel the winds caress my soul
And soar the streams without a goal
My being trembles of delight
A treasure I received tonight
The seagull's flight of soaring high
The gift of what it means to fly
Interesting
The Wise Man and The Fool
by John McLeod
Said the wise man to the fool one day:
"I've got a hundred candles,
And lots of copper candlesticks with ornamental handles,
They cost me every cent I had
But I shall be all right,
And in the darkness of the eve I'll have a splendid light."
The fool said: "Yes, you may be wise,
But then again, p'raps not,
Only pence had I to buy, one candle's all I got,
But then, I bought some matches too
And you, the silly goose,
Bought none, and so without a light
Your candles are no use!"
The moral of the story is simplicity's defence,
For even the buffooning clown
May have some common sense!
The wise man and the village fool,
But tell me which is which?
The one with only coppers?
Or the other very rich?
After reading this, did you not start thinking on the question asked.... quite an intellectual question!!!
by John McLeod
Said the wise man to the fool one day:
"I've got a hundred candles,
And lots of copper candlesticks with ornamental handles,
They cost me every cent I had
But I shall be all right,
And in the darkness of the eve I'll have a splendid light."
The fool said: "Yes, you may be wise,
But then again, p'raps not,
Only pence had I to buy, one candle's all I got,
But then, I bought some matches too
And you, the silly goose,
Bought none, and so without a light
Your candles are no use!"
The moral of the story is simplicity's defence,
For even the buffooning clown
May have some common sense!
The wise man and the village fool,
But tell me which is which?
The one with only coppers?
Or the other very rich?
After reading this, did you not start thinking on the question asked.... quite an intellectual question!!!
May 12, 2008
Finally back to work!!!!
Its been months tht i hv been eating people's head that i cudnt study nemore and really wanted to hit the working life as soon as possible. But the way things were, I had already given up of getting any genuine sensible job and I had made up my mind to go back to mumbai for good!!
But finally last day of sem, last exam and i get a call from Ontario Ministry of Environment - Mr. Manager Frank Tomassini - "are you still available for work this summer". And I went like - More than available. Tht was the day and today is the day that I finally made it to work after not so good but neither that bad 9 months... It was actually a period worth delivering a baby for sure.
So how was the day - Fantastic, Fantabulous, Perfect.
As usual, like every time I hv to get back to work after school term, on the first day itself i can never wake up on time inspite of all precautions taken. So was today, sitting in my bed half asleep instead to getting ready to go as I was already getting late, I'm replying to emails. But cuz I'm so used to rushing I finally make up everything on time.
After 11 months I actually dressed up all in formals, man i cudnt stop adoring myself in the mirror, an absolute professional look. The last time I was so elegantly formally dressed was 15th july 2007 for my Final and the last Board meeting at Winmark (My workplace in Bbay - though i still miss my desk and all my belongings at office). I am out of the house at 7 am and every one on the station all dressed up formals rushing to work, finally i see a busy life in Toronto and so many people rushing at the same time. It reminded me of my Bbay days at work and this view was way more polished. I was enjoying it all. Finally I reach work on time and got started.
I was a bit skeptical wht kinda work would I be given since it was a lab dept. But like I say god always listen to wht my heart wants and I really got much more thn i was expecting. I am finally placed in the reporting team for the annual lab Audit of the ministry labs. Man the work i love the most - Managing and puttingvthins in place and in order and deal with regulations, laws and compliance. Wow I still dont believe I'm gonna get to do it all. The best work timing i cud ever ask for. The only disappoint I had was that i am really goin to be paid really low compared to others. But today looking at the kind of work I am goin to do for the remaining 4 months and the opportunities I am goin to come across at the ministry just covered up for it. Reviewing protocols and SOP's, Audit papers and annual records, stats data, factual data, the list is never ending. I finally sign a confidentiality contract and took an oath - it was just the perfect icing with a a cherry on the cake. As of this day I couldnt hv asked for more.
I guess most of the things are in place, atleast for some time. And I hv always believed tht a good start is the best thing u can have and prolly - I hv it.
Now what ahead,, just keeping my fingers crossed as a few permanent internal openings are goin to come in 2 months time and if I manage to get that, there wud not be more i cud ask for, for atleast 1 -2 yrs.
Studies and education are in place, work life is in place, my home is kinda settled; need not worry for some time - the only thing left my PERSONAL LIFE - which every1 in the world my friends and family thinks that I need to fix and give all my attention and importance, so working on it as well - hoping this time I give it fair chance, time and attention - Probably i know its goin to be the most difficult thing for me compared to the totally different things tht has got importance and attention from my side - But lets give it a shot - For a change everything is falling in right and perfect place - hope even this gets charmed by the good things and vibes around. Inshallah!!!!
But finally last day of sem, last exam and i get a call from Ontario Ministry of Environment - Mr. Manager Frank Tomassini - "are you still available for work this summer". And I went like - More than available. Tht was the day and today is the day that I finally made it to work after not so good but neither that bad 9 months... It was actually a period worth delivering a baby for sure.
So how was the day - Fantastic, Fantabulous, Perfect.
As usual, like every time I hv to get back to work after school term, on the first day itself i can never wake up on time inspite of all precautions taken. So was today, sitting in my bed half asleep instead to getting ready to go as I was already getting late, I'm replying to emails. But cuz I'm so used to rushing I finally make up everything on time.
After 11 months I actually dressed up all in formals, man i cudnt stop adoring myself in the mirror, an absolute professional look. The last time I was so elegantly formally dressed was 15th july 2007 for my Final and the last Board meeting at Winmark (My workplace in Bbay - though i still miss my desk and all my belongings at office). I am out of the house at 7 am and every one on the station all dressed up formals rushing to work, finally i see a busy life in Toronto and so many people rushing at the same time. It reminded me of my Bbay days at work and this view was way more polished. I was enjoying it all. Finally I reach work on time and got started.
I was a bit skeptical wht kinda work would I be given since it was a lab dept. But like I say god always listen to wht my heart wants and I really got much more thn i was expecting. I am finally placed in the reporting team for the annual lab Audit of the ministry labs. Man the work i love the most - Managing and puttingvthins in place and in order and deal with regulations, laws and compliance. Wow I still dont believe I'm gonna get to do it all. The best work timing i cud ever ask for. The only disappoint I had was that i am really goin to be paid really low compared to others. But today looking at the kind of work I am goin to do for the remaining 4 months and the opportunities I am goin to come across at the ministry just covered up for it. Reviewing protocols and SOP's, Audit papers and annual records, stats data, factual data, the list is never ending. I finally sign a confidentiality contract and took an oath - it was just the perfect icing with a a cherry on the cake. As of this day I couldnt hv asked for more.
I guess most of the things are in place, atleast for some time. And I hv always believed tht a good start is the best thing u can have and prolly - I hv it.
Now what ahead,, just keeping my fingers crossed as a few permanent internal openings are goin to come in 2 months time and if I manage to get that, there wud not be more i cud ask for, for atleast 1 -2 yrs.
Studies and education are in place, work life is in place, my home is kinda settled; need not worry for some time - the only thing left my PERSONAL LIFE - which every1 in the world my friends and family thinks that I need to fix and give all my attention and importance, so working on it as well - hoping this time I give it fair chance, time and attention - Probably i know its goin to be the most difficult thing for me compared to the totally different things tht has got importance and attention from my side - But lets give it a shot - For a change everything is falling in right and perfect place - hope even this gets charmed by the good things and vibes around. Inshallah!!!!
Apr 18, 2008
A quote worth reading!!!
All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.
~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"
~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"
Apr 4, 2008
On the question of race
This is so very surprising that what does one has to do with one's ethnicity or race when it comes to Job Applications. I had to answer these questions everywhere I applied for jobs. Strange, Who say's only UK is racist, US of A and Canada stand equally!!!!
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have respect in me
I have love in me
I share my respect and love with everyone
Especially to my close ones
There is love and respect
Inside my body
I am a part of a beautiful culture
I am a part of a caring culture
My culture is very lovely
Much different from here
There we die for each other
Here we are on our own
Caring nature from my background
Inside my body
I have a wonderful family
I have wonderful friends
Without them, I am nothing
Without them, I am no one
I am loner in the heart
Without their love
Without them, I have a lost soul
Inside my body
I have a dream, which I can fulfill
I have a will, which I can fulfill
Which I could have fulfilled in India
But in Canada, thought a land of opportunities
I can see myself somewhere
But its not like India
I miss my mother’s food
I miss my friends
But I made new friends here
My lost soul, feeling full
Inside my body
I have experienced education in India
I have started experienced education here
It is different in India
There teachers asked for homework
They cared about us
Here, we are on our own
It is our choice to come class
I feel useless here
Inside my body
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have a need
I have a want
I look for love in these people
Did I get what I Want???
Indeed only in a few people
I feel happy
Inside my body
I have a desire
I have a will
To become part of this country
Yet, have my values be part of me
I hope this will be possible
For many say they change
Even if I become Canadian like the others
My soul will remain Indian
My heart will remain Indian
My blood will remain Indian
And I will die Indian
Inside my body
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have respect in me
I have love in me
I share my respect and love with everyone
Especially to my close ones
There is love and respect
Inside my body
I am a part of a beautiful culture
I am a part of a caring culture
My culture is very lovely
Much different from here
There we die for each other
Here we are on our own
Caring nature from my background
Inside my body
I have a wonderful family
I have wonderful friends
Without them, I am nothing
Without them, I am no one
I am loner in the heart
Without their love
Without them, I have a lost soul
Inside my body
I have a dream, which I can fulfill
I have a will, which I can fulfill
Which I could have fulfilled in India
But in Canada, thought a land of opportunities
I can see myself somewhere
But its not like India
I miss my mother’s food
I miss my friends
But I made new friends here
My lost soul, feeling full
Inside my body
I have experienced education in India
I have started experienced education here
It is different in India
There teachers asked for homework
They cared about us
Here, we are on our own
It is our choice to come class
I feel useless here
Inside my body
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have a need
I have a want
I look for love in these people
Did I get what I Want???
Indeed only in a few people
I feel happy
Inside my body
I have a desire
I have a will
To become part of this country
Yet, have my values be part of me
I hope this will be possible
For many say they change
Even if I become Canadian like the others
My soul will remain Indian
My heart will remain Indian
My blood will remain Indian
And I will die Indian
Inside my body
I’m just a Woman…
A woman needs to be assured
In each and every way,
She needs the warmth of loving words
That only you can say.
She needs a lot of understanding …
When she’s feeling somewhat down.
She needs for you to make her smile,
And take away her frown.
A woman’s heart is fragile
Her feelings are that way too,
Times she feels so sad inside,
Not knowing what to do.
It’s hard to be a woman,
Misunderstood in many ways,
Sometimes all it takes to help,
Is a loving word, to make her day.
She needs to know that she’s the one,
That fills your heart with desire,
She needs to be told often,
That she sets your soul on fire.
She needs that soft and tender touch
As if she were a fragile rose,
And feel that she’s so special.
From all others, you could have chose.
She needs to hear, “I Love you”,
Whether close or miles apart,
She needs to know… she’s the one,
That’s the center of your heart.
So, please listen when I need to talk,
Please kiss away my tears,
Let me share my worries with you,
And help me face my fears.
In each and every way,
She needs the warmth of loving words
That only you can say.
She needs a lot of understanding …
When she’s feeling somewhat down.
She needs for you to make her smile,
And take away her frown.
A woman’s heart is fragile
Her feelings are that way too,
Times she feels so sad inside,
Not knowing what to do.
It’s hard to be a woman,
Misunderstood in many ways,
Sometimes all it takes to help,
Is a loving word, to make her day.
She needs to know that she’s the one,
That fills your heart with desire,
She needs to be told often,
That she sets your soul on fire.
She needs that soft and tender touch
As if she were a fragile rose,
And feel that she’s so special.
From all others, you could have chose.
She needs to hear, “I Love you”,
Whether close or miles apart,
She needs to know… she’s the one,
That’s the center of your heart.
So, please listen when I need to talk,
Please kiss away my tears,
Let me share my worries with you,
And help me face my fears.
Mar 28, 2008
I’ll dream…I’ll do!!
A free bird is what
I’ve always longed to be
Breaking away from the confines
Of an uncertain mind
Wanting to reach out
To the world surrounding me
Sky being my limit
I hope to reach great heights
Striving harder with each new day.
Taking criticism in my stride
I am now ready to create days
From the dark and dreary nights…
My dreams are real
Quite different from the rest
I seek to usher in a new tomorrow.
Standing out from the crowd
I aim to become better
Of course better, than the very best!!
I just scribbling this last night, after I read a reply to my job application which said "Your academic qualifications are higher than required for this position".
Just want to pen down the words of a song which is quite inspiring and all those people who are away from home and are finding it so hard to hang in, this is for all you guys!!!
Yeh zamin hain reh guzar ter mere vaste
Har ghadi hain ek safar tere mere vaste
Nayi mazilo ko chale naye raaste
(It means that this land is for us to live by as ever moment in life is a part of our journey, and in this journey every new goal to make is going to create many roads to walk on)
Is gagan ke tale, hum jo ghar se chale, Sirf ye khawab hi saath hain
Agle hi mod par, hone ko hain sehar, Zara der toh raat hain
Khushiyon se honi abhi mulakat hain
(Under the shelter of sky when we decided to leave our home, we walked out with our dreams, its been long that you have been walking in darkness but you need not give up now because the night is bout to come to and an end and in no time therz goin to be beautiful sunrise which will overtake the darkness, You have to hang on as you've got to meet the happiness)
Gum ki deewar se, dukh ki zanjir se, Ruk saki hain kaha zindagi
Ek naya hausla, leke dil ye chala, Arzoo dil mein hain phir nayi
In ankho mein phir hain saje khab kayi
(Inspite of hundreds of troubles and disappointment which stop you from moving ahead,they were nto able to stop life from moving ahead. Every trouble/disappointment have given a new hope and courage to move on and again there are new dreams that are built in our eyes)
I’ve always longed to be
Breaking away from the confines
Of an uncertain mind
Wanting to reach out
To the world surrounding me
Sky being my limit
I hope to reach great heights
Striving harder with each new day.
Taking criticism in my stride
I am now ready to create days
From the dark and dreary nights…
My dreams are real
Quite different from the rest
I seek to usher in a new tomorrow.
Standing out from the crowd
I aim to become better
Of course better, than the very best!!
I just scribbling this last night, after I read a reply to my job application which said "Your academic qualifications are higher than required for this position".
Just want to pen down the words of a song which is quite inspiring and all those people who are away from home and are finding it so hard to hang in, this is for all you guys!!!
Yeh zamin hain reh guzar ter mere vaste
Har ghadi hain ek safar tere mere vaste
Nayi mazilo ko chale naye raaste
(It means that this land is for us to live by as ever moment in life is a part of our journey, and in this journey every new goal to make is going to create many roads to walk on)
Is gagan ke tale, hum jo ghar se chale, Sirf ye khawab hi saath hain
Agle hi mod par, hone ko hain sehar, Zara der toh raat hain
Khushiyon se honi abhi mulakat hain
(Under the shelter of sky when we decided to leave our home, we walked out with our dreams, its been long that you have been walking in darkness but you need not give up now because the night is bout to come to and an end and in no time therz goin to be beautiful sunrise which will overtake the darkness, You have to hang on as you've got to meet the happiness)
Gum ki deewar se, dukh ki zanjir se, Ruk saki hain kaha zindagi
Ek naya hausla, leke dil ye chala, Arzoo dil mein hain phir nayi
In ankho mein phir hain saje khab kayi
(Inspite of hundreds of troubles and disappointment which stop you from moving ahead,they were nto able to stop life from moving ahead. Every trouble/disappointment have given a new hope and courage to move on and again there are new dreams that are built in our eyes)
Mar 22, 2008
The Best colors of my life!!!
I know I have always been the crazier one amongst you’ll, but as always I get those Pagalpan & Stupidity attacks today is one of those days. I don’t know why am I doing this but cuz today being Happy Holi and wanted to feel very happy as it is my fav festival for its full of colors, and I love the quote which says “I’m a part of all that I have met” I just wanted count all the colors of love & friendship I have had in life…. Y do I need to do it today???? - Because this day is meant to be spent with colors.
So the colorful list follows, find your name its alphabetical – (I Know I’m quite smart)
Aasutosh – the first time I spoke to this man, showed his irritation because his name was spelt wrong – which he think when pronounced as its spelled sounds like whtever. One of the sweetest friends I have had since past 3 yrs now. I know its very funny and strange how we came across and am really happy tht we did continue as friends and since then hez always been there to hear me out. One person, I don’t know how he figures out only just reading one line I write while I am chatting to him that I am tensed, confused, sad or depressed that he leaves all his work and sits and talks it out with me. Never lets me lose the faith in me n yesterday for the first time he lost on me cuz he cud not hear me sound so negative. One of the men who can make roti’s absolutely round, a shayar at heart and with words, man I miss talking to you these days with all the shayari’s … love ya
Akhil – you are this one weirdo I met at bholas 8 years ago who wanted to copy an answer from me and I showed it to him and look at his guts that after the exam was over he comes upto me and tells me that next week test i have to read electricity chapter and show him the answers cuz he was not goin to study. Since then thru the year he used to tell me what should I study and go for the test so that he can copy from me and since then we hv been friends. One fellow who gets so annoyed while I used to wait on the streets to eat panipuri and all other chat and used to call me LS… hehe. Whenever we've planned clubbing he used to promise that he’ll get me drunk and when we finally reach he used to buy me cola and keep my mouth shut – how boring – Indian man. He has entertained all my tantrums without getting annoyed and I loved you the most when I told to quit smoking cuz I dint like it and you did that at that moment. Dude I hv very few ppl who take all my tantrums and no one here in Toronto. Man plan a trip soon.
Centennial Folks –
Karan & Saad – these 2 are just Jay & Veeru from Sholay, absolute partners in crime, the first set of friends at centennial and after moving to Scarborough. They were the life line and saved me from getting lost with those mad, sad, annoying, gavti roomies I had got. We’ve spent some best time when it comes to goin out, hanging around and at times when I used to miss home. Karan you have been really sweet and your mum and dad have been so good that whenever i came up to your place i they made me feel at home. You guys will always remain close to my heart even if I leave Scarborough. By the way again this time Republik dint happen…. Not fair……
Bernard – The very first friend I made in my class, he loves Indian food and movies. He will always call up in the middle of the night to tell me which movie he watched and would discuss it. He almost understands everything we talk in hindi, n he replies in English. Man u notice every small thing I wear, shoes, coats, kajal, glosses – I guess now u hv a count of all things I own!!!! Always keeps complimenting me n keeps telling me i m looking good. The only person in this country called Canada I get a hug from everytime hez across…. Ur a total sweetheart
Jeff – Hez is a freaking flirt, never misses a single occasion to crack some kinda statement so much tht I m blushing almost all the time when he is around. Oh man he gets so mad at me when I say tht he shud hv better choices rather thn flirting with me – I love it when he says ‘u don’t know ur potential’. Hez on a mission to turn me from cute and sweet to hot n sexy gal – This mad man drags me to the gym, he snatches food from my hands while we are out, makes me work out so hard – I hate him for tht. But I love it when he shouts “get ur fat ass out of the couch” hehehe – hez so cute…. Everytime hez seriously saying something I start smiling n he loses on me but poor fellow cant help it…. Hez given up on me. Thank u sweetie – honestly i hv never loved to go to a gym, but cuz of u now it’s a habit. These days all the compliments I get for looking good, all credit goes to u, never felt so good about myself!!!! Muaahhhh
St. Josephites – My school
Wht do I say about these 3 guys – Anish, Jayraj and Rushabh – when all my closest friends left me n went to the US, I had these people around all the time. Never knew our school reunion would built a friendship so strong with people I used to hardly talk to in the school. I had never spoken to Anish in the school, it was an acquaintance with Jayraj and I remember Rushabh n Abbas used to tease me cuz I loved Salman Khan n everytime a crow used to come on a window they used to point it as Salman Khan.
We came together so that our reunion program could work out. Thanks to us and to the idea of reuion I did make friends with people whom once I knew – a lot more thn I used to talk while I was in school. We have discussed life, education, career, finances, real estate investments, stocks market and what not.almost a year and half it was every Friday I used to call up Jayraj – yeh week ka program kya hain. How much they used to tease me. Anish always says – tujhe ladki mein kaun ginta hain – hehe
They hv bared me n my non stop cribbing and non sense and a few personal issues all the time while I was in the process of coming to Toronto. They were so harrowed that that if it was in their hands they would have parceled me at that time. Diwali, navratri, weekends and last year’s holi – man I so wanted to have bhang n these guys some how managed to get me though only it was like one glass.
Poor Jayraj – as if hez working in Infosys just for us so that we can hv conference calls. Man I’m still trying to figure out out logic behind conference calls just to make weekend programs as if we were dealing with million dollar business….. man miss that time, but u guys hv to stay in touch n keep meeting even if I m not there. If I was the reason, I shud still be the reason for u guys to spend time together. Miss u all a lot
Karan Oberoi – thts wht the people know you as but for me ur the wacko Kay. What do I write about you, you’ve been the man, philosopher, guide, advisor, counselor and the elder bro. Who says relationships that last forever are of those with blood ties. Whether it be good or bad, u’ve stood by me, and with you I have got another set of parents and a sister who care as much as my own. Though always tried being the elder one which you are, I never let u win. The man who taught me to live life even in the most miserable conditions, taught me to be myself and made me believe in myself and my dreams. If I am a social butterfly or a people’s person is all because of u. If it not had been for u, I would still be that same stupid gal, ugly, introvert, reserved gal. Though not having blood ties, u’ve been my elder bro – conservative, protective and my bestest friend. A person who is always so critical on me, I know I used to feel so bad when u used to be rude but all that rudeness n nastyness has sculpted good things in me that are goin to stay wid me all my life. I need not hv said all this here cuz I know u hate it and u gonna blast me for it – BUT remember u were the one who made me start my Blog....
Raj – I met you when I was hunting a house to move from Mississauga and then we crashed again in the French class. If it not had been for you, Rohan and Vivek I would hv died in those French classes. Had and have a good time with you guys. You are always there if I need an advice be it my study permit, PR application, work permit, income tax whtever which is important to be known and the right time. You’ve been really helpful to a stranger like me. And plz plz plz gift me your dog (Your Max – bahut pyar se rakhungi….will never ask nething) ;) thanks for being there.
Rikin – Its not the ideal way people begin friendships the way it was ours but its been 2 yrs now and sometimes I think as if I’ve known you for years. I remember, forget even being friends we had like a brief acquaintance and I harrowed you with so many questions all the time while I was applyin to Canada. I still remember it was a Sunday nite for me and morning for you and I made you proof read my recommendation letters and though you were not ought to do that how sweet of you that you did it. That’s not the reason you find a place in this list but you were the very first person I met after coming to Toronto – My FIRST Friend, in Canada. The day I met you I was really low and upset cuz I had been sitting at home and did not go out for like 20 days and was really feeling homesick. That’s a diff thing the day I met you u made miss Bombay a lot that I actually went home and cried but those couple of hrs with you made me feel so comfortable and at home and till today its been the best time, your statements always brings me peace. I know you call me crazy all the time and after readin this I’m sure u’ll say I’m absolutely mad but its ohk… now I’m used to listening it… hehe. I know I do bore you a lot wid my stupidity but you will always be a special friend. It’s a total diff thing tht everytime you are coming down, u tell me; but forget meeting, u don’t even hv the time to call me…. And by the way I still need to meet Bugsy… loved to hv u as a friends, tons of thanks…..
And now the reason I am here in this beautiful world.
My Parents – I know most of my friends and many other people are in an awe when it comes to my mum and dad. Unlike other girls who were around me, I was never told to do certain things or not to do certain things cause I was girl. Wonder if many girls have so much freedom when it comes to taking decisions.
Daddy dearest - I hv been my Poppy’s support system, he has this blind faith in me n don’t know why he belives that I know it all, which acres me all the time. Its been the most difficult thing in his life to let me come here but he just accepted everything without a single word. No questions and no discussions of why, where, what for. I can just say one thing - You are the BEST. Though u tend to be too boring at times but just love the way you are.
Mommy bestest – I guess I hv the weirdest mum in the world. She hates to love me n the same is with me, though we are mother and daughter we are like those bad, wicked, naughty gals. We can talk n gossip bout nething. I guess I hv the only mother who thinks tht I am useless creature cuz I’ve managed to stay single for so long. She so wanted me to hv a BF so that she could team up with him to trouble and irritate me – she calls me a waste and I love it when u say that mom!!! while at my age when all mothers want their daughters to get married and settle down, she gave me all the liberty to do things the way i wanted be it for my personal life, my career - A very practical, understanding n damn Chalu mom...Hehe haha… Shez been my bestest friend may be that’s the reason I never needed a girl friend as u can see only guys are there in my list. Mom by giving me the freedom and independence you have let me learn from nature's best teacher called - LIFE.
My chotu, my sis – Sushmita – man everytime I talk to her I only feel that I wish I was like her when I was of her age. Shez 6 yrs younger to me but shez been my biggest support system. Man she knows it all, n she knows me inside out – just like still water runs deep. Nobody understands me as much she does, though she doesn’t behave older thn me but I feel she can read my heart. She is very strong, very firm, very very smart and intelligent. Can give u a run for your money. Love u chotu
My grandfather, my dadu – I hv been his eldest granddaughter and he has made me the ideal grand-daughter. Hez so proud of me and loves me so much, prolly not many wud hv such great dadu. Its been 8 months here n if the world may forget but ther isn’t been a single Sunday since the day I hv landed in this country that he has forgotten to call me. I know I mean the world to him and I would never let u down.
My grandmother, my dadi – I wish she was here to see me come so far. She was so so so proud of me and she has been my ideal, a very strong, and independent, self created woman. I was the apple of her eyes, dare if anyone could ever point a finger at me or discourage me in front of her, that person would be trashed, she would not even spare my mum and dad. When people see me they find her replica in me and nothing makes me feel so proud than this. I hope dadi I hv stayed upto your expectations. Your r the biggest thing I miss in life today, if there was some way that I could have you back in my life, I would hv done nething for it.
Mum & Dad & Dadu – u guys hv stood by me so strong in past 2 yrs when more half world was not with me and supported me with all I wanted and the way I wanted.
And last but not the least – My GOD – I’m always troubling & fighting with him and make him give me all the things I want, but because he is GOD he troubles me a lot in return before giving me everything I wanted. God – you try my patience a lot. Though I cant complain because he gave me all I wanted and will hv to give all I need. I thank you for giving a life filled with so many nice beautiful and positive colors. I can only wish and pray that everyone has a colorful life just like me!!!
HAPPY HOLI to everyone!!!
So the colorful list follows, find your name its alphabetical – (I Know I’m quite smart)
Aasutosh – the first time I spoke to this man, showed his irritation because his name was spelt wrong – which he think when pronounced as its spelled sounds like whtever. One of the sweetest friends I have had since past 3 yrs now. I know its very funny and strange how we came across and am really happy tht we did continue as friends and since then hez always been there to hear me out. One person, I don’t know how he figures out only just reading one line I write while I am chatting to him that I am tensed, confused, sad or depressed that he leaves all his work and sits and talks it out with me. Never lets me lose the faith in me n yesterday for the first time he lost on me cuz he cud not hear me sound so negative. One of the men who can make roti’s absolutely round, a shayar at heart and with words, man I miss talking to you these days with all the shayari’s … love ya
Akhil – you are this one weirdo I met at bholas 8 years ago who wanted to copy an answer from me and I showed it to him and look at his guts that after the exam was over he comes upto me and tells me that next week test i have to read electricity chapter and show him the answers cuz he was not goin to study. Since then thru the year he used to tell me what should I study and go for the test so that he can copy from me and since then we hv been friends. One fellow who gets so annoyed while I used to wait on the streets to eat panipuri and all other chat and used to call me LS… hehe. Whenever we've planned clubbing he used to promise that he’ll get me drunk and when we finally reach he used to buy me cola and keep my mouth shut – how boring – Indian man. He has entertained all my tantrums without getting annoyed and I loved you the most when I told to quit smoking cuz I dint like it and you did that at that moment. Dude I hv very few ppl who take all my tantrums and no one here in Toronto. Man plan a trip soon.
Centennial Folks –
Karan & Saad – these 2 are just Jay & Veeru from Sholay, absolute partners in crime, the first set of friends at centennial and after moving to Scarborough. They were the life line and saved me from getting lost with those mad, sad, annoying, gavti roomies I had got. We’ve spent some best time when it comes to goin out, hanging around and at times when I used to miss home. Karan you have been really sweet and your mum and dad have been so good that whenever i came up to your place i they made me feel at home. You guys will always remain close to my heart even if I leave Scarborough. By the way again this time Republik dint happen…. Not fair……
Bernard – The very first friend I made in my class, he loves Indian food and movies. He will always call up in the middle of the night to tell me which movie he watched and would discuss it. He almost understands everything we talk in hindi, n he replies in English. Man u notice every small thing I wear, shoes, coats, kajal, glosses – I guess now u hv a count of all things I own!!!! Always keeps complimenting me n keeps telling me i m looking good. The only person in this country called Canada I get a hug from everytime hez across…. Ur a total sweetheart
Jeff – Hez is a freaking flirt, never misses a single occasion to crack some kinda statement so much tht I m blushing almost all the time when he is around. Oh man he gets so mad at me when I say tht he shud hv better choices rather thn flirting with me – I love it when he says ‘u don’t know ur potential’. Hez on a mission to turn me from cute and sweet to hot n sexy gal – This mad man drags me to the gym, he snatches food from my hands while we are out, makes me work out so hard – I hate him for tht. But I love it when he shouts “get ur fat ass out of the couch” hehehe – hez so cute…. Everytime hez seriously saying something I start smiling n he loses on me but poor fellow cant help it…. Hez given up on me. Thank u sweetie – honestly i hv never loved to go to a gym, but cuz of u now it’s a habit. These days all the compliments I get for looking good, all credit goes to u, never felt so good about myself!!!! Muaahhhh
St. Josephites – My school
Wht do I say about these 3 guys – Anish, Jayraj and Rushabh – when all my closest friends left me n went to the US, I had these people around all the time. Never knew our school reunion would built a friendship so strong with people I used to hardly talk to in the school. I had never spoken to Anish in the school, it was an acquaintance with Jayraj and I remember Rushabh n Abbas used to tease me cuz I loved Salman Khan n everytime a crow used to come on a window they used to point it as Salman Khan.
We came together so that our reunion program could work out. Thanks to us and to the idea of reuion I did make friends with people whom once I knew – a lot more thn I used to talk while I was in school. We have discussed life, education, career, finances, real estate investments, stocks market and what not.almost a year and half it was every Friday I used to call up Jayraj – yeh week ka program kya hain. How much they used to tease me. Anish always says – tujhe ladki mein kaun ginta hain – hehe
They hv bared me n my non stop cribbing and non sense and a few personal issues all the time while I was in the process of coming to Toronto. They were so harrowed that that if it was in their hands they would have parceled me at that time. Diwali, navratri, weekends and last year’s holi – man I so wanted to have bhang n these guys some how managed to get me though only it was like one glass.
Poor Jayraj – as if hez working in Infosys just for us so that we can hv conference calls. Man I’m still trying to figure out out logic behind conference calls just to make weekend programs as if we were dealing with million dollar business….. man miss that time, but u guys hv to stay in touch n keep meeting even if I m not there. If I was the reason, I shud still be the reason for u guys to spend time together. Miss u all a lot
Karan Oberoi – thts wht the people know you as but for me ur the wacko Kay. What do I write about you, you’ve been the man, philosopher, guide, advisor, counselor and the elder bro. Who says relationships that last forever are of those with blood ties. Whether it be good or bad, u’ve stood by me, and with you I have got another set of parents and a sister who care as much as my own. Though always tried being the elder one which you are, I never let u win. The man who taught me to live life even in the most miserable conditions, taught me to be myself and made me believe in myself and my dreams. If I am a social butterfly or a people’s person is all because of u. If it not had been for u, I would still be that same stupid gal, ugly, introvert, reserved gal. Though not having blood ties, u’ve been my elder bro – conservative, protective and my bestest friend. A person who is always so critical on me, I know I used to feel so bad when u used to be rude but all that rudeness n nastyness has sculpted good things in me that are goin to stay wid me all my life. I need not hv said all this here cuz I know u hate it and u gonna blast me for it – BUT remember u were the one who made me start my Blog....
Raj – I met you when I was hunting a house to move from Mississauga and then we crashed again in the French class. If it not had been for you, Rohan and Vivek I would hv died in those French classes. Had and have a good time with you guys. You are always there if I need an advice be it my study permit, PR application, work permit, income tax whtever which is important to be known and the right time. You’ve been really helpful to a stranger like me. And plz plz plz gift me your dog (Your Max – bahut pyar se rakhungi….will never ask nething) ;) thanks for being there.
Rikin – Its not the ideal way people begin friendships the way it was ours but its been 2 yrs now and sometimes I think as if I’ve known you for years. I remember, forget even being friends we had like a brief acquaintance and I harrowed you with so many questions all the time while I was applyin to Canada. I still remember it was a Sunday nite for me and morning for you and I made you proof read my recommendation letters and though you were not ought to do that how sweet of you that you did it. That’s not the reason you find a place in this list but you were the very first person I met after coming to Toronto – My FIRST Friend, in Canada. The day I met you I was really low and upset cuz I had been sitting at home and did not go out for like 20 days and was really feeling homesick. That’s a diff thing the day I met you u made miss Bombay a lot that I actually went home and cried but those couple of hrs with you made me feel so comfortable and at home and till today its been the best time, your statements always brings me peace. I know you call me crazy all the time and after readin this I’m sure u’ll say I’m absolutely mad but its ohk… now I’m used to listening it… hehe. I know I do bore you a lot wid my stupidity but you will always be a special friend. It’s a total diff thing tht everytime you are coming down, u tell me; but forget meeting, u don’t even hv the time to call me…. And by the way I still need to meet Bugsy… loved to hv u as a friends, tons of thanks…..
And now the reason I am here in this beautiful world.
My Parents – I know most of my friends and many other people are in an awe when it comes to my mum and dad. Unlike other girls who were around me, I was never told to do certain things or not to do certain things cause I was girl. Wonder if many girls have so much freedom when it comes to taking decisions.
Daddy dearest - I hv been my Poppy’s support system, he has this blind faith in me n don’t know why he belives that I know it all, which acres me all the time. Its been the most difficult thing in his life to let me come here but he just accepted everything without a single word. No questions and no discussions of why, where, what for. I can just say one thing - You are the BEST. Though u tend to be too boring at times but just love the way you are.
Mommy bestest – I guess I hv the weirdest mum in the world. She hates to love me n the same is with me, though we are mother and daughter we are like those bad, wicked, naughty gals. We can talk n gossip bout nething. I guess I hv the only mother who thinks tht I am useless creature cuz I’ve managed to stay single for so long. She so wanted me to hv a BF so that she could team up with him to trouble and irritate me – she calls me a waste and I love it when u say that mom!!! while at my age when all mothers want their daughters to get married and settle down, she gave me all the liberty to do things the way i wanted be it for my personal life, my career - A very practical, understanding n damn Chalu mom...Hehe haha… Shez been my bestest friend may be that’s the reason I never needed a girl friend as u can see only guys are there in my list. Mom by giving me the freedom and independence you have let me learn from nature's best teacher called - LIFE.
My chotu, my sis – Sushmita – man everytime I talk to her I only feel that I wish I was like her when I was of her age. Shez 6 yrs younger to me but shez been my biggest support system. Man she knows it all, n she knows me inside out – just like still water runs deep. Nobody understands me as much she does, though she doesn’t behave older thn me but I feel she can read my heart. She is very strong, very firm, very very smart and intelligent. Can give u a run for your money. Love u chotu
My grandfather, my dadu – I hv been his eldest granddaughter and he has made me the ideal grand-daughter. Hez so proud of me and loves me so much, prolly not many wud hv such great dadu. Its been 8 months here n if the world may forget but ther isn’t been a single Sunday since the day I hv landed in this country that he has forgotten to call me. I know I mean the world to him and I would never let u down.
My grandmother, my dadi – I wish she was here to see me come so far. She was so so so proud of me and she has been my ideal, a very strong, and independent, self created woman. I was the apple of her eyes, dare if anyone could ever point a finger at me or discourage me in front of her, that person would be trashed, she would not even spare my mum and dad. When people see me they find her replica in me and nothing makes me feel so proud than this. I hope dadi I hv stayed upto your expectations. Your r the biggest thing I miss in life today, if there was some way that I could have you back in my life, I would hv done nething for it.
Mum & Dad & Dadu – u guys hv stood by me so strong in past 2 yrs when more half world was not with me and supported me with all I wanted and the way I wanted.
And last but not the least – My GOD – I’m always troubling & fighting with him and make him give me all the things I want, but because he is GOD he troubles me a lot in return before giving me everything I wanted. God – you try my patience a lot. Though I cant complain because he gave me all I wanted and will hv to give all I need. I thank you for giving a life filled with so many nice beautiful and positive colors. I can only wish and pray that everyone has a colorful life just like me!!!
HAPPY HOLI to everyone!!!
Feb 21, 2008
I, Me and Myself
Before I start writing, I have to mention that my cooking experiments have never turned a nightmare. I baked a chocolate cake and for sake of fun, I wanted to do some variation. God’s knows how and from where weird ideas come to my head. I mixed red wine with orange flavored Tang and soaked the cake in it n dressed it with frozen mixed berries. I was to hesitant and scared to taste the combination of red wine mixed with Tang, so gave a shout to Meowww (that’s my roomie Soumya) to come and taste it. She said it has turned awesome n trust me it was so fabulous that we all 5 gals pounced on it n in just 2 mins the cake was over. Just we missed the freshly whipped cream as a topping, n with that it would have tasted like heaven!!!! – No wonder Meoowww calls me Creative cook.
Now back to myself. People have had been telling that I had changed after coming to Canada and I continuously kept disagreeing to the fact that – I had changed but not for good. After all the rona – dhona for months, I guess I have learnt to be happy while staying all by myself. Only after I overcame all this emotional roller coaster, Arjun visited me last week and we had a great time together.
Honestly, now even I feel more comfortable with my life here – though its not that great but its neither that bad. After really long, I mean absolutely after 8 months my life has blessed me by keeping me busy and I guess I love it that way. And I only realized it when my project instructor Paula specially came upto me to tell me, “You love to stay extremely busy, don’t you? You don’t want to take a break for 5 mins while you are in lab”. Even I agree to her but I guess I love to stay busy. I guess idleness would kill me someday for sure.
By the way people have stop complaining that I am not the same Dee, darshi, darshu, tashi , they knew and now they have the same old me – only difference I’m not around them. My life is back to normal – I mean I am back to attending calls again figuring out where people’s lives are leading, solving their so called love issues, being the relationship counselor and the life expert.
And to people who really think that I look very different and attractive, these days and that I have lost a lot of weight. There’s nothing like that and no special reason behind it. I am not used to listening such things about me so BOYS stop complimenting.
Now what’s next with me… I guess will be finishing my semester in 2 months and by then I guess I should have some job. And we will see what happens next
Jan 1, 2008
The Christmas week & the New Year
I had a great christmas week starting from 24th dec'07 (i m sure i dont need to specify tht but then too). I really had a good time with friends, movies and lots of masti. We travelled to Oak Ridge and Port Perry, some of beautiful places in toronto, all covered with snow n frozen lake Ontario. Being in a vacation home with a balcony which gives u a breath taking and a mind blowing view. i loved it more cuz some how white attracts me a lot. it just looked like heaven on earth, the weather being really nice, not very very cold. I never thought with what I had seen in toronto that it had such beautiful places around. The saddest part tht i forgot to take my camera charger.... damn!!!
After all the fun in that beautiful home, we went for some gambling at the blue heron some where near port perry, which in itself is located at a beautiful place. Won a lil moolah with black jack and later moved our way back to toronto aka scarborough (sometimes, rather all the time I feel its a sad place) never mind just another four months n prolly might just move to Edmonton if I dont manage to find nething worth in toronto.
Now coming to last night i.e. 31st Dec 2007, was a fabulous day and a great evening and a nice new year start. i celebrated the new years according to indian time with all my frnds on phone, i was glad cuz i wanted to be with my few frnds n family, then followed by the evening, I sooo much felt like dressing up n going out to see the fire works in downtown. So i dared to wear a short skirt in tht cold weather and believe me it was cold but i survived. We had some good time strolling down the streets, these guys so wanted to go to a club n dance thru the nite n i so wanted to be in the open spaces that we split into 2 groups. I shudnt be happy but those guys never landed up going to a club, they got separated, the phones lines were jammed and welcome the new year in a despair n jiff. And me on the other hand enjoying the snow at Nathan Phillip Square, counting down the seconds and then shouting with everyone, and the fireworks. Then we were so hungry that we picked up a sub then travelled out way back home, at home we played some nice music, made some hot gulab jamun, again was on calls till 5.00 am n then finally slept.
Now a brand new day, a brand new year, today I just don't feel like thinking too much about the last year nor wonder about what will happen in this year. A nice snow clad day, lotta peace in my head, a nice naughty smile.... so i guess it's a nice start. Will eventually look forward to things.....
So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!
By the way the pic is of the house we stayed in n was clicked when we were entering and after tht my cam died...... :(
Dec 13, 2007
Building a Dream
Dreams can get lost. From time to time most of us need a refresher course on building a dream.. The dust of day-to-day living can bury them. New dreams are often birthed in the midst of trial.
Dreams take time to build. When building a dream you must be prepared to persevere. Building a dream is not for the faint-hearted! It takes faith, faith in yourself and faith in God who plants the seeds of dreams in the first place.
Most of us have a dream buried beneath the rubble of life. Take it out and dust it off. If you have no dreams left, put a new dream in your heart.
Share your dream with one person who will walk beside you and encourage you in building a dream. We all have days when the daily dust piles up again and it’s easy to let the dream slip away. A soul-mate will paint the colors of your dream for you when you have forgotten the picture.
Building a dream can start today
D – Define your dream. If it’s more education be specific about a particular course. If its starting your own business pinpoint exactly what you would do. If it’s helping the needy then decide what need and in what location. Identify where you’re going.
R - Resource yourself. In other words, do your homework. Find out what it takes to make happen what you want to happen. Where is your course offered? How much does it cost? Is there a market niche for the business you want to start? Can you practically get to the need you wish to help meet? Evaluate the risk. The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing!
E - Equip yourself. Start a savings account for your dream and put in pennies if that’s all you have today. Register for one course. Write up a business plan. Volunteer in the area of the need you have identified. Many dreams go by the wayside because no one ever took that first step. Make a choice today.
A – Apply yourself. Dreams take hard work and often sacrifice. You will have to say “no” to some things in order to pursue your dream. Persevere.
M – Manage yourself. Know your priorities and stick to them. Many things will call you away from your dream. Don’t let regret of yesterday or fear of tomorrow rob you of pursuing your dream today!
Dreams take time to build. When building a dream you must be prepared to persevere. Building a dream is not for the faint-hearted! It takes faith, faith in yourself and faith in God who plants the seeds of dreams in the first place.
Most of us have a dream buried beneath the rubble of life. Take it out and dust it off. If you have no dreams left, put a new dream in your heart.
Share your dream with one person who will walk beside you and encourage you in building a dream. We all have days when the daily dust piles up again and it’s easy to let the dream slip away. A soul-mate will paint the colors of your dream for you when you have forgotten the picture.
Building a dream can start today
D – Define your dream. If it’s more education be specific about a particular course. If its starting your own business pinpoint exactly what you would do. If it’s helping the needy then decide what need and in what location. Identify where you’re going.
R - Resource yourself. In other words, do your homework. Find out what it takes to make happen what you want to happen. Where is your course offered? How much does it cost? Is there a market niche for the business you want to start? Can you practically get to the need you wish to help meet? Evaluate the risk. The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing!
E - Equip yourself. Start a savings account for your dream and put in pennies if that’s all you have today. Register for one course. Write up a business plan. Volunteer in the area of the need you have identified. Many dreams go by the wayside because no one ever took that first step. Make a choice today.
A – Apply yourself. Dreams take hard work and often sacrifice. You will have to say “no” to some things in order to pursue your dream. Persevere.
M – Manage yourself. Know your priorities and stick to them. Many things will call you away from your dream. Don’t let regret of yesterday or fear of tomorrow rob you of pursuing your dream today!
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