All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.
~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"
Apr 18, 2008
Apr 4, 2008
On the question of race
This is so very surprising that what does one has to do with one's ethnicity or race when it comes to Job Applications. I had to answer these questions everywhere I applied for jobs. Strange, Who say's only UK is racist, US of A and Canada stand equally!!!!
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have respect in me
I have love in me
I share my respect and love with everyone
Especially to my close ones
There is love and respect
Inside my body
I am a part of a beautiful culture
I am a part of a caring culture
My culture is very lovely
Much different from here
There we die for each other
Here we are on our own
Caring nature from my background
Inside my body
I have a wonderful family
I have wonderful friends
Without them, I am nothing
Without them, I am no one
I am loner in the heart
Without their love
Without them, I have a lost soul
Inside my body
I have a dream, which I can fulfill
I have a will, which I can fulfill
Which I could have fulfilled in India
But in Canada, thought a land of opportunities
I can see myself somewhere
But its not like India
I miss my mother’s food
I miss my friends
But I made new friends here
My lost soul, feeling full
Inside my body
I have experienced education in India
I have started experienced education here
It is different in India
There teachers asked for homework
They cared about us
Here, we are on our own
It is our choice to come class
I feel useless here
Inside my body
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have a need
I have a want
I look for love in these people
Did I get what I Want???
Indeed only in a few people
I feel happy
Inside my body
I have a desire
I have a will
To become part of this country
Yet, have my values be part of me
I hope this will be possible
For many say they change
Even if I become Canadian like the others
My soul will remain Indian
My heart will remain Indian
My blood will remain Indian
And I will die Indian
Inside my body
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have respect in me
I have love in me
I share my respect and love with everyone
Especially to my close ones
There is love and respect
Inside my body
I am a part of a beautiful culture
I am a part of a caring culture
My culture is very lovely
Much different from here
There we die for each other
Here we are on our own
Caring nature from my background
Inside my body
I have a wonderful family
I have wonderful friends
Without them, I am nothing
Without them, I am no one
I am loner in the heart
Without their love
Without them, I have a lost soul
Inside my body
I have a dream, which I can fulfill
I have a will, which I can fulfill
Which I could have fulfilled in India
But in Canada, thought a land of opportunities
I can see myself somewhere
But its not like India
I miss my mother’s food
I miss my friends
But I made new friends here
My lost soul, feeling full
Inside my body
I have experienced education in India
I have started experienced education here
It is different in India
There teachers asked for homework
They cared about us
Here, we are on our own
It is our choice to come class
I feel useless here
Inside my body
They ask me to write down
My race and I think
And think very seriously
And consider writing down the
Truth and have my answer read
I have a need
I have a want
I look for love in these people
Did I get what I Want???
Indeed only in a few people
I feel happy
Inside my body
I have a desire
I have a will
To become part of this country
Yet, have my values be part of me
I hope this will be possible
For many say they change
Even if I become Canadian like the others
My soul will remain Indian
My heart will remain Indian
My blood will remain Indian
And I will die Indian
Inside my body
I’m just a Woman…
A woman needs to be assured
In each and every way,
She needs the warmth of loving words
That only you can say.
She needs a lot of understanding …
When she’s feeling somewhat down.
She needs for you to make her smile,
And take away her frown.
A woman’s heart is fragile
Her feelings are that way too,
Times she feels so sad inside,
Not knowing what to do.
It’s hard to be a woman,
Misunderstood in many ways,
Sometimes all it takes to help,
Is a loving word, to make her day.
She needs to know that she’s the one,
That fills your heart with desire,
She needs to be told often,
That she sets your soul on fire.
She needs that soft and tender touch
As if she were a fragile rose,
And feel that she’s so special.
From all others, you could have chose.
She needs to hear, “I Love you”,
Whether close or miles apart,
She needs to know… she’s the one,
That’s the center of your heart.
So, please listen when I need to talk,
Please kiss away my tears,
Let me share my worries with you,
And help me face my fears.
In each and every way,
She needs the warmth of loving words
That only you can say.
She needs a lot of understanding …
When she’s feeling somewhat down.
She needs for you to make her smile,
And take away her frown.
A woman’s heart is fragile
Her feelings are that way too,
Times she feels so sad inside,
Not knowing what to do.
It’s hard to be a woman,
Misunderstood in many ways,
Sometimes all it takes to help,
Is a loving word, to make her day.
She needs to know that she’s the one,
That fills your heart with desire,
She needs to be told often,
That she sets your soul on fire.
She needs that soft and tender touch
As if she were a fragile rose,
And feel that she’s so special.
From all others, you could have chose.
She needs to hear, “I Love you”,
Whether close or miles apart,
She needs to know… she’s the one,
That’s the center of your heart.
So, please listen when I need to talk,
Please kiss away my tears,
Let me share my worries with you,
And help me face my fears.
Mar 28, 2008
I’ll dream…I’ll do!!
A free bird is what
I’ve always longed to be
Breaking away from the confines
Of an uncertain mind
Wanting to reach out
To the world surrounding me
Sky being my limit
I hope to reach great heights
Striving harder with each new day.
Taking criticism in my stride
I am now ready to create days
From the dark and dreary nights…
My dreams are real
Quite different from the rest
I seek to usher in a new tomorrow.
Standing out from the crowd
I aim to become better
Of course better, than the very best!!
I just scribbling this last night, after I read a reply to my job application which said "Your academic qualifications are higher than required for this position".
Just want to pen down the words of a song which is quite inspiring and all those people who are away from home and are finding it so hard to hang in, this is for all you guys!!!
Yeh zamin hain reh guzar ter mere vaste
Har ghadi hain ek safar tere mere vaste
Nayi mazilo ko chale naye raaste
(It means that this land is for us to live by as ever moment in life is a part of our journey, and in this journey every new goal to make is going to create many roads to walk on)
Is gagan ke tale, hum jo ghar se chale, Sirf ye khawab hi saath hain
Agle hi mod par, hone ko hain sehar, Zara der toh raat hain
Khushiyon se honi abhi mulakat hain
(Under the shelter of sky when we decided to leave our home, we walked out with our dreams, its been long that you have been walking in darkness but you need not give up now because the night is bout to come to and an end and in no time therz goin to be beautiful sunrise which will overtake the darkness, You have to hang on as you've got to meet the happiness)
Gum ki deewar se, dukh ki zanjir se, Ruk saki hain kaha zindagi
Ek naya hausla, leke dil ye chala, Arzoo dil mein hain phir nayi
In ankho mein phir hain saje khab kayi
(Inspite of hundreds of troubles and disappointment which stop you from moving ahead,they were nto able to stop life from moving ahead. Every trouble/disappointment have given a new hope and courage to move on and again there are new dreams that are built in our eyes)
I’ve always longed to be
Breaking away from the confines
Of an uncertain mind
Wanting to reach out
To the world surrounding me
Sky being my limit
I hope to reach great heights
Striving harder with each new day.
Taking criticism in my stride
I am now ready to create days
From the dark and dreary nights…
My dreams are real
Quite different from the rest
I seek to usher in a new tomorrow.
Standing out from the crowd
I aim to become better
Of course better, than the very best!!
I just scribbling this last night, after I read a reply to my job application which said "Your academic qualifications are higher than required for this position".
Just want to pen down the words of a song which is quite inspiring and all those people who are away from home and are finding it so hard to hang in, this is for all you guys!!!
Yeh zamin hain reh guzar ter mere vaste
Har ghadi hain ek safar tere mere vaste
Nayi mazilo ko chale naye raaste
(It means that this land is for us to live by as ever moment in life is a part of our journey, and in this journey every new goal to make is going to create many roads to walk on)
Is gagan ke tale, hum jo ghar se chale, Sirf ye khawab hi saath hain
Agle hi mod par, hone ko hain sehar, Zara der toh raat hain
Khushiyon se honi abhi mulakat hain
(Under the shelter of sky when we decided to leave our home, we walked out with our dreams, its been long that you have been walking in darkness but you need not give up now because the night is bout to come to and an end and in no time therz goin to be beautiful sunrise which will overtake the darkness, You have to hang on as you've got to meet the happiness)
Gum ki deewar se, dukh ki zanjir se, Ruk saki hain kaha zindagi
Ek naya hausla, leke dil ye chala, Arzoo dil mein hain phir nayi
In ankho mein phir hain saje khab kayi
(Inspite of hundreds of troubles and disappointment which stop you from moving ahead,they were nto able to stop life from moving ahead. Every trouble/disappointment have given a new hope and courage to move on and again there are new dreams that are built in our eyes)
Mar 22, 2008
The Best colors of my life!!!
I know I have always been the crazier one amongst you’ll, but as always I get those Pagalpan & Stupidity attacks today is one of those days. I don’t know why am I doing this but cuz today being Happy Holi and wanted to feel very happy as it is my fav festival for its full of colors, and I love the quote which says “I’m a part of all that I have met” I just wanted count all the colors of love & friendship I have had in life…. Y do I need to do it today???? - Because this day is meant to be spent with colors.
So the colorful list follows, find your name its alphabetical – (I Know I’m quite smart)
Aasutosh – the first time I spoke to this man, showed his irritation because his name was spelt wrong – which he think when pronounced as its spelled sounds like whtever. One of the sweetest friends I have had since past 3 yrs now. I know its very funny and strange how we came across and am really happy tht we did continue as friends and since then hez always been there to hear me out. One person, I don’t know how he figures out only just reading one line I write while I am chatting to him that I am tensed, confused, sad or depressed that he leaves all his work and sits and talks it out with me. Never lets me lose the faith in me n yesterday for the first time he lost on me cuz he cud not hear me sound so negative. One of the men who can make roti’s absolutely round, a shayar at heart and with words, man I miss talking to you these days with all the shayari’s … love ya
Akhil – you are this one weirdo I met at bholas 8 years ago who wanted to copy an answer from me and I showed it to him and look at his guts that after the exam was over he comes upto me and tells me that next week test i have to read electricity chapter and show him the answers cuz he was not goin to study. Since then thru the year he used to tell me what should I study and go for the test so that he can copy from me and since then we hv been friends. One fellow who gets so annoyed while I used to wait on the streets to eat panipuri and all other chat and used to call me LS… hehe. Whenever we've planned clubbing he used to promise that he’ll get me drunk and when we finally reach he used to buy me cola and keep my mouth shut – how boring – Indian man. He has entertained all my tantrums without getting annoyed and I loved you the most when I told to quit smoking cuz I dint like it and you did that at that moment. Dude I hv very few ppl who take all my tantrums and no one here in Toronto. Man plan a trip soon.
Centennial Folks –
Karan & Saad – these 2 are just Jay & Veeru from Sholay, absolute partners in crime, the first set of friends at centennial and after moving to Scarborough. They were the life line and saved me from getting lost with those mad, sad, annoying, gavti roomies I had got. We’ve spent some best time when it comes to goin out, hanging around and at times when I used to miss home. Karan you have been really sweet and your mum and dad have been so good that whenever i came up to your place i they made me feel at home. You guys will always remain close to my heart even if I leave Scarborough. By the way again this time Republik dint happen…. Not fair……
Bernard – The very first friend I made in my class, he loves Indian food and movies. He will always call up in the middle of the night to tell me which movie he watched and would discuss it. He almost understands everything we talk in hindi, n he replies in English. Man u notice every small thing I wear, shoes, coats, kajal, glosses – I guess now u hv a count of all things I own!!!! Always keeps complimenting me n keeps telling me i m looking good. The only person in this country called Canada I get a hug from everytime hez across…. Ur a total sweetheart
Jeff – Hez is a freaking flirt, never misses a single occasion to crack some kinda statement so much tht I m blushing almost all the time when he is around. Oh man he gets so mad at me when I say tht he shud hv better choices rather thn flirting with me – I love it when he says ‘u don’t know ur potential’. Hez on a mission to turn me from cute and sweet to hot n sexy gal – This mad man drags me to the gym, he snatches food from my hands while we are out, makes me work out so hard – I hate him for tht. But I love it when he shouts “get ur fat ass out of the couch” hehehe – hez so cute…. Everytime hez seriously saying something I start smiling n he loses on me but poor fellow cant help it…. Hez given up on me. Thank u sweetie – honestly i hv never loved to go to a gym, but cuz of u now it’s a habit. These days all the compliments I get for looking good, all credit goes to u, never felt so good about myself!!!! Muaahhhh
St. Josephites – My school
Wht do I say about these 3 guys – Anish, Jayraj and Rushabh – when all my closest friends left me n went to the US, I had these people around all the time. Never knew our school reunion would built a friendship so strong with people I used to hardly talk to in the school. I had never spoken to Anish in the school, it was an acquaintance with Jayraj and I remember Rushabh n Abbas used to tease me cuz I loved Salman Khan n everytime a crow used to come on a window they used to point it as Salman Khan.
We came together so that our reunion program could work out. Thanks to us and to the idea of reuion I did make friends with people whom once I knew – a lot more thn I used to talk while I was in school. We have discussed life, education, career, finances, real estate investments, stocks market and what not.almost a year and half it was every Friday I used to call up Jayraj – yeh week ka program kya hain. How much they used to tease me. Anish always says – tujhe ladki mein kaun ginta hain – hehe
They hv bared me n my non stop cribbing and non sense and a few personal issues all the time while I was in the process of coming to Toronto. They were so harrowed that that if it was in their hands they would have parceled me at that time. Diwali, navratri, weekends and last year’s holi – man I so wanted to have bhang n these guys some how managed to get me though only it was like one glass.
Poor Jayraj – as if hez working in Infosys just for us so that we can hv conference calls. Man I’m still trying to figure out out logic behind conference calls just to make weekend programs as if we were dealing with million dollar business….. man miss that time, but u guys hv to stay in touch n keep meeting even if I m not there. If I was the reason, I shud still be the reason for u guys to spend time together. Miss u all a lot
Karan Oberoi – thts wht the people know you as but for me ur the wacko Kay. What do I write about you, you’ve been the man, philosopher, guide, advisor, counselor and the elder bro. Who says relationships that last forever are of those with blood ties. Whether it be good or bad, u’ve stood by me, and with you I have got another set of parents and a sister who care as much as my own. Though always tried being the elder one which you are, I never let u win. The man who taught me to live life even in the most miserable conditions, taught me to be myself and made me believe in myself and my dreams. If I am a social butterfly or a people’s person is all because of u. If it not had been for u, I would still be that same stupid gal, ugly, introvert, reserved gal. Though not having blood ties, u’ve been my elder bro – conservative, protective and my bestest friend. A person who is always so critical on me, I know I used to feel so bad when u used to be rude but all that rudeness n nastyness has sculpted good things in me that are goin to stay wid me all my life. I need not hv said all this here cuz I know u hate it and u gonna blast me for it – BUT remember u were the one who made me start my Blog....
Raj – I met you when I was hunting a house to move from Mississauga and then we crashed again in the French class. If it not had been for you, Rohan and Vivek I would hv died in those French classes. Had and have a good time with you guys. You are always there if I need an advice be it my study permit, PR application, work permit, income tax whtever which is important to be known and the right time. You’ve been really helpful to a stranger like me. And plz plz plz gift me your dog (Your Max – bahut pyar se rakhungi….will never ask nething) ;) thanks for being there.
Rikin – Its not the ideal way people begin friendships the way it was ours but its been 2 yrs now and sometimes I think as if I’ve known you for years. I remember, forget even being friends we had like a brief acquaintance and I harrowed you with so many questions all the time while I was applyin to Canada. I still remember it was a Sunday nite for me and morning for you and I made you proof read my recommendation letters and though you were not ought to do that how sweet of you that you did it. That’s not the reason you find a place in this list but you were the very first person I met after coming to Toronto – My FIRST Friend, in Canada. The day I met you I was really low and upset cuz I had been sitting at home and did not go out for like 20 days and was really feeling homesick. That’s a diff thing the day I met you u made miss Bombay a lot that I actually went home and cried but those couple of hrs with you made me feel so comfortable and at home and till today its been the best time, your statements always brings me peace. I know you call me crazy all the time and after readin this I’m sure u’ll say I’m absolutely mad but its ohk… now I’m used to listening it… hehe. I know I do bore you a lot wid my stupidity but you will always be a special friend. It’s a total diff thing tht everytime you are coming down, u tell me; but forget meeting, u don’t even hv the time to call me…. And by the way I still need to meet Bugsy… loved to hv u as a friends, tons of thanks…..
And now the reason I am here in this beautiful world.
My Parents – I know most of my friends and many other people are in an awe when it comes to my mum and dad. Unlike other girls who were around me, I was never told to do certain things or not to do certain things cause I was girl. Wonder if many girls have so much freedom when it comes to taking decisions.
Daddy dearest - I hv been my Poppy’s support system, he has this blind faith in me n don’t know why he belives that I know it all, which acres me all the time. Its been the most difficult thing in his life to let me come here but he just accepted everything without a single word. No questions and no discussions of why, where, what for. I can just say one thing - You are the BEST. Though u tend to be too boring at times but just love the way you are.
Mommy bestest – I guess I hv the weirdest mum in the world. She hates to love me n the same is with me, though we are mother and daughter we are like those bad, wicked, naughty gals. We can talk n gossip bout nething. I guess I hv the only mother who thinks tht I am useless creature cuz I’ve managed to stay single for so long. She so wanted me to hv a BF so that she could team up with him to trouble and irritate me – she calls me a waste and I love it when u say that mom!!! while at my age when all mothers want their daughters to get married and settle down, she gave me all the liberty to do things the way i wanted be it for my personal life, my career - A very practical, understanding n damn Chalu mom...Hehe haha… Shez been my bestest friend may be that’s the reason I never needed a girl friend as u can see only guys are there in my list. Mom by giving me the freedom and independence you have let me learn from nature's best teacher called - LIFE.
My chotu, my sis – Sushmita – man everytime I talk to her I only feel that I wish I was like her when I was of her age. Shez 6 yrs younger to me but shez been my biggest support system. Man she knows it all, n she knows me inside out – just like still water runs deep. Nobody understands me as much she does, though she doesn’t behave older thn me but I feel she can read my heart. She is very strong, very firm, very very smart and intelligent. Can give u a run for your money. Love u chotu
My grandfather, my dadu – I hv been his eldest granddaughter and he has made me the ideal grand-daughter. Hez so proud of me and loves me so much, prolly not many wud hv such great dadu. Its been 8 months here n if the world may forget but ther isn’t been a single Sunday since the day I hv landed in this country that he has forgotten to call me. I know I mean the world to him and I would never let u down.
My grandmother, my dadi – I wish she was here to see me come so far. She was so so so proud of me and she has been my ideal, a very strong, and independent, self created woman. I was the apple of her eyes, dare if anyone could ever point a finger at me or discourage me in front of her, that person would be trashed, she would not even spare my mum and dad. When people see me they find her replica in me and nothing makes me feel so proud than this. I hope dadi I hv stayed upto your expectations. Your r the biggest thing I miss in life today, if there was some way that I could have you back in my life, I would hv done nething for it.
Mum & Dad & Dadu – u guys hv stood by me so strong in past 2 yrs when more half world was not with me and supported me with all I wanted and the way I wanted.
And last but not the least – My GOD – I’m always troubling & fighting with him and make him give me all the things I want, but because he is GOD he troubles me a lot in return before giving me everything I wanted. God – you try my patience a lot. Though I cant complain because he gave me all I wanted and will hv to give all I need. I thank you for giving a life filled with so many nice beautiful and positive colors. I can only wish and pray that everyone has a colorful life just like me!!!
HAPPY HOLI to everyone!!!
So the colorful list follows, find your name its alphabetical – (I Know I’m quite smart)
Aasutosh – the first time I spoke to this man, showed his irritation because his name was spelt wrong – which he think when pronounced as its spelled sounds like whtever. One of the sweetest friends I have had since past 3 yrs now. I know its very funny and strange how we came across and am really happy tht we did continue as friends and since then hez always been there to hear me out. One person, I don’t know how he figures out only just reading one line I write while I am chatting to him that I am tensed, confused, sad or depressed that he leaves all his work and sits and talks it out with me. Never lets me lose the faith in me n yesterday for the first time he lost on me cuz he cud not hear me sound so negative. One of the men who can make roti’s absolutely round, a shayar at heart and with words, man I miss talking to you these days with all the shayari’s … love ya
Akhil – you are this one weirdo I met at bholas 8 years ago who wanted to copy an answer from me and I showed it to him and look at his guts that after the exam was over he comes upto me and tells me that next week test i have to read electricity chapter and show him the answers cuz he was not goin to study. Since then thru the year he used to tell me what should I study and go for the test so that he can copy from me and since then we hv been friends. One fellow who gets so annoyed while I used to wait on the streets to eat panipuri and all other chat and used to call me LS… hehe. Whenever we've planned clubbing he used to promise that he’ll get me drunk and when we finally reach he used to buy me cola and keep my mouth shut – how boring – Indian man. He has entertained all my tantrums without getting annoyed and I loved you the most when I told to quit smoking cuz I dint like it and you did that at that moment. Dude I hv very few ppl who take all my tantrums and no one here in Toronto. Man plan a trip soon.
Centennial Folks –
Karan & Saad – these 2 are just Jay & Veeru from Sholay, absolute partners in crime, the first set of friends at centennial and after moving to Scarborough. They were the life line and saved me from getting lost with those mad, sad, annoying, gavti roomies I had got. We’ve spent some best time when it comes to goin out, hanging around and at times when I used to miss home. Karan you have been really sweet and your mum and dad have been so good that whenever i came up to your place i they made me feel at home. You guys will always remain close to my heart even if I leave Scarborough. By the way again this time Republik dint happen…. Not fair……
Bernard – The very first friend I made in my class, he loves Indian food and movies. He will always call up in the middle of the night to tell me which movie he watched and would discuss it. He almost understands everything we talk in hindi, n he replies in English. Man u notice every small thing I wear, shoes, coats, kajal, glosses – I guess now u hv a count of all things I own!!!! Always keeps complimenting me n keeps telling me i m looking good. The only person in this country called Canada I get a hug from everytime hez across…. Ur a total sweetheart
Jeff – Hez is a freaking flirt, never misses a single occasion to crack some kinda statement so much tht I m blushing almost all the time when he is around. Oh man he gets so mad at me when I say tht he shud hv better choices rather thn flirting with me – I love it when he says ‘u don’t know ur potential’. Hez on a mission to turn me from cute and sweet to hot n sexy gal – This mad man drags me to the gym, he snatches food from my hands while we are out, makes me work out so hard – I hate him for tht. But I love it when he shouts “get ur fat ass out of the couch” hehehe – hez so cute…. Everytime hez seriously saying something I start smiling n he loses on me but poor fellow cant help it…. Hez given up on me. Thank u sweetie – honestly i hv never loved to go to a gym, but cuz of u now it’s a habit. These days all the compliments I get for looking good, all credit goes to u, never felt so good about myself!!!! Muaahhhh
St. Josephites – My school
Wht do I say about these 3 guys – Anish, Jayraj and Rushabh – when all my closest friends left me n went to the US, I had these people around all the time. Never knew our school reunion would built a friendship so strong with people I used to hardly talk to in the school. I had never spoken to Anish in the school, it was an acquaintance with Jayraj and I remember Rushabh n Abbas used to tease me cuz I loved Salman Khan n everytime a crow used to come on a window they used to point it as Salman Khan.
We came together so that our reunion program could work out. Thanks to us and to the idea of reuion I did make friends with people whom once I knew – a lot more thn I used to talk while I was in school. We have discussed life, education, career, finances, real estate investments, stocks market and what not.almost a year and half it was every Friday I used to call up Jayraj – yeh week ka program kya hain. How much they used to tease me. Anish always says – tujhe ladki mein kaun ginta hain – hehe
They hv bared me n my non stop cribbing and non sense and a few personal issues all the time while I was in the process of coming to Toronto. They were so harrowed that that if it was in their hands they would have parceled me at that time. Diwali, navratri, weekends and last year’s holi – man I so wanted to have bhang n these guys some how managed to get me though only it was like one glass.
Poor Jayraj – as if hez working in Infosys just for us so that we can hv conference calls. Man I’m still trying to figure out out logic behind conference calls just to make weekend programs as if we were dealing with million dollar business….. man miss that time, but u guys hv to stay in touch n keep meeting even if I m not there. If I was the reason, I shud still be the reason for u guys to spend time together. Miss u all a lot
Karan Oberoi – thts wht the people know you as but for me ur the wacko Kay. What do I write about you, you’ve been the man, philosopher, guide, advisor, counselor and the elder bro. Who says relationships that last forever are of those with blood ties. Whether it be good or bad, u’ve stood by me, and with you I have got another set of parents and a sister who care as much as my own. Though always tried being the elder one which you are, I never let u win. The man who taught me to live life even in the most miserable conditions, taught me to be myself and made me believe in myself and my dreams. If I am a social butterfly or a people’s person is all because of u. If it not had been for u, I would still be that same stupid gal, ugly, introvert, reserved gal. Though not having blood ties, u’ve been my elder bro – conservative, protective and my bestest friend. A person who is always so critical on me, I know I used to feel so bad when u used to be rude but all that rudeness n nastyness has sculpted good things in me that are goin to stay wid me all my life. I need not hv said all this here cuz I know u hate it and u gonna blast me for it – BUT remember u were the one who made me start my Blog....
Raj – I met you when I was hunting a house to move from Mississauga and then we crashed again in the French class. If it not had been for you, Rohan and Vivek I would hv died in those French classes. Had and have a good time with you guys. You are always there if I need an advice be it my study permit, PR application, work permit, income tax whtever which is important to be known and the right time. You’ve been really helpful to a stranger like me. And plz plz plz gift me your dog (Your Max – bahut pyar se rakhungi….will never ask nething) ;) thanks for being there.
Rikin – Its not the ideal way people begin friendships the way it was ours but its been 2 yrs now and sometimes I think as if I’ve known you for years. I remember, forget even being friends we had like a brief acquaintance and I harrowed you with so many questions all the time while I was applyin to Canada. I still remember it was a Sunday nite for me and morning for you and I made you proof read my recommendation letters and though you were not ought to do that how sweet of you that you did it. That’s not the reason you find a place in this list but you were the very first person I met after coming to Toronto – My FIRST Friend, in Canada. The day I met you I was really low and upset cuz I had been sitting at home and did not go out for like 20 days and was really feeling homesick. That’s a diff thing the day I met you u made miss Bombay a lot that I actually went home and cried but those couple of hrs with you made me feel so comfortable and at home and till today its been the best time, your statements always brings me peace. I know you call me crazy all the time and after readin this I’m sure u’ll say I’m absolutely mad but its ohk… now I’m used to listening it… hehe. I know I do bore you a lot wid my stupidity but you will always be a special friend. It’s a total diff thing tht everytime you are coming down, u tell me; but forget meeting, u don’t even hv the time to call me…. And by the way I still need to meet Bugsy… loved to hv u as a friends, tons of thanks…..
And now the reason I am here in this beautiful world.
My Parents – I know most of my friends and many other people are in an awe when it comes to my mum and dad. Unlike other girls who were around me, I was never told to do certain things or not to do certain things cause I was girl. Wonder if many girls have so much freedom when it comes to taking decisions.
Daddy dearest - I hv been my Poppy’s support system, he has this blind faith in me n don’t know why he belives that I know it all, which acres me all the time. Its been the most difficult thing in his life to let me come here but he just accepted everything without a single word. No questions and no discussions of why, where, what for. I can just say one thing - You are the BEST. Though u tend to be too boring at times but just love the way you are.
Mommy bestest – I guess I hv the weirdest mum in the world. She hates to love me n the same is with me, though we are mother and daughter we are like those bad, wicked, naughty gals. We can talk n gossip bout nething. I guess I hv the only mother who thinks tht I am useless creature cuz I’ve managed to stay single for so long. She so wanted me to hv a BF so that she could team up with him to trouble and irritate me – she calls me a waste and I love it when u say that mom!!! while at my age when all mothers want their daughters to get married and settle down, she gave me all the liberty to do things the way i wanted be it for my personal life, my career - A very practical, understanding n damn Chalu mom...Hehe haha… Shez been my bestest friend may be that’s the reason I never needed a girl friend as u can see only guys are there in my list. Mom by giving me the freedom and independence you have let me learn from nature's best teacher called - LIFE.
My chotu, my sis – Sushmita – man everytime I talk to her I only feel that I wish I was like her when I was of her age. Shez 6 yrs younger to me but shez been my biggest support system. Man she knows it all, n she knows me inside out – just like still water runs deep. Nobody understands me as much she does, though she doesn’t behave older thn me but I feel she can read my heart. She is very strong, very firm, very very smart and intelligent. Can give u a run for your money. Love u chotu
My grandfather, my dadu – I hv been his eldest granddaughter and he has made me the ideal grand-daughter. Hez so proud of me and loves me so much, prolly not many wud hv such great dadu. Its been 8 months here n if the world may forget but ther isn’t been a single Sunday since the day I hv landed in this country that he has forgotten to call me. I know I mean the world to him and I would never let u down.
My grandmother, my dadi – I wish she was here to see me come so far. She was so so so proud of me and she has been my ideal, a very strong, and independent, self created woman. I was the apple of her eyes, dare if anyone could ever point a finger at me or discourage me in front of her, that person would be trashed, she would not even spare my mum and dad. When people see me they find her replica in me and nothing makes me feel so proud than this. I hope dadi I hv stayed upto your expectations. Your r the biggest thing I miss in life today, if there was some way that I could have you back in my life, I would hv done nething for it.
Mum & Dad & Dadu – u guys hv stood by me so strong in past 2 yrs when more half world was not with me and supported me with all I wanted and the way I wanted.
And last but not the least – My GOD – I’m always troubling & fighting with him and make him give me all the things I want, but because he is GOD he troubles me a lot in return before giving me everything I wanted. God – you try my patience a lot. Though I cant complain because he gave me all I wanted and will hv to give all I need. I thank you for giving a life filled with so many nice beautiful and positive colors. I can only wish and pray that everyone has a colorful life just like me!!!
HAPPY HOLI to everyone!!!
Feb 21, 2008
I, Me and Myself
Before I start writing, I have to mention that my cooking experiments have never turned a nightmare. I baked a chocolate cake and for sake of fun, I wanted to do some variation. God’s knows how and from where weird ideas come to my head. I mixed red wine with orange flavored Tang and soaked the cake in it n dressed it with frozen mixed berries. I was to hesitant and scared to taste the combination of red wine mixed with Tang, so gave a shout to Meowww (that’s my roomie Soumya) to come and taste it. She said it has turned awesome n trust me it was so fabulous that we all 5 gals pounced on it n in just 2 mins the cake was over. Just we missed the freshly whipped cream as a topping, n with that it would have tasted like heaven!!!! – No wonder Meoowww calls me Creative cook.
Now back to myself. People have had been telling that I had changed after coming to Canada and I continuously kept disagreeing to the fact that – I had changed but not for good. After all the rona – dhona for months, I guess I have learnt to be happy while staying all by myself. Only after I overcame all this emotional roller coaster, Arjun visited me last week and we had a great time together.
Honestly, now even I feel more comfortable with my life here – though its not that great but its neither that bad. After really long, I mean absolutely after 8 months my life has blessed me by keeping me busy and I guess I love it that way. And I only realized it when my project instructor Paula specially came upto me to tell me, “You love to stay extremely busy, don’t you? You don’t want to take a break for 5 mins while you are in lab”. Even I agree to her but I guess I love to stay busy. I guess idleness would kill me someday for sure.
By the way people have stop complaining that I am not the same Dee, darshi, darshu, tashi , they knew and now they have the same old me – only difference I’m not around them. My life is back to normal – I mean I am back to attending calls again figuring out where people’s lives are leading, solving their so called love issues, being the relationship counselor and the life expert.
And to people who really think that I look very different and attractive, these days and that I have lost a lot of weight. There’s nothing like that and no special reason behind it. I am not used to listening such things about me so BOYS stop complimenting.
Now what’s next with me… I guess will be finishing my semester in 2 months and by then I guess I should have some job. And we will see what happens next
Jan 1, 2008
The Christmas week & the New Year
I had a great christmas week starting from 24th dec'07 (i m sure i dont need to specify tht but then too). I really had a good time with friends, movies and lots of masti. We travelled to Oak Ridge and Port Perry, some of beautiful places in toronto, all covered with snow n frozen lake Ontario. Being in a vacation home with a balcony which gives u a breath taking and a mind blowing view. i loved it more cuz some how white attracts me a lot. it just looked like heaven on earth, the weather being really nice, not very very cold. I never thought with what I had seen in toronto that it had such beautiful places around. The saddest part tht i forgot to take my camera charger.... damn!!!
After all the fun in that beautiful home, we went for some gambling at the blue heron some where near port perry, which in itself is located at a beautiful place. Won a lil moolah with black jack and later moved our way back to toronto aka scarborough (sometimes, rather all the time I feel its a sad place) never mind just another four months n prolly might just move to Edmonton if I dont manage to find nething worth in toronto.
Now coming to last night i.e. 31st Dec 2007, was a fabulous day and a great evening and a nice new year start. i celebrated the new years according to indian time with all my frnds on phone, i was glad cuz i wanted to be with my few frnds n family, then followed by the evening, I sooo much felt like dressing up n going out to see the fire works in downtown. So i dared to wear a short skirt in tht cold weather and believe me it was cold but i survived. We had some good time strolling down the streets, these guys so wanted to go to a club n dance thru the nite n i so wanted to be in the open spaces that we split into 2 groups. I shudnt be happy but those guys never landed up going to a club, they got separated, the phones lines were jammed and welcome the new year in a despair n jiff. And me on the other hand enjoying the snow at Nathan Phillip Square, counting down the seconds and then shouting with everyone, and the fireworks. Then we were so hungry that we picked up a sub then travelled out way back home, at home we played some nice music, made some hot gulab jamun, again was on calls till 5.00 am n then finally slept.
Now a brand new day, a brand new year, today I just don't feel like thinking too much about the last year nor wonder about what will happen in this year. A nice snow clad day, lotta peace in my head, a nice naughty smile.... so i guess it's a nice start. Will eventually look forward to things.....
So HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!
By the way the pic is of the house we stayed in n was clicked when we were entering and after tht my cam died...... :(
Dec 13, 2007
Building a Dream
Dreams can get lost. From time to time most of us need a refresher course on building a dream.. The dust of day-to-day living can bury them. New dreams are often birthed in the midst of trial.
Dreams take time to build. When building a dream you must be prepared to persevere. Building a dream is not for the faint-hearted! It takes faith, faith in yourself and faith in God who plants the seeds of dreams in the first place.
Most of us have a dream buried beneath the rubble of life. Take it out and dust it off. If you have no dreams left, put a new dream in your heart.
Share your dream with one person who will walk beside you and encourage you in building a dream. We all have days when the daily dust piles up again and it’s easy to let the dream slip away. A soul-mate will paint the colors of your dream for you when you have forgotten the picture.
Building a dream can start today
D – Define your dream. If it’s more education be specific about a particular course. If its starting your own business pinpoint exactly what you would do. If it’s helping the needy then decide what need and in what location. Identify where you’re going.
R - Resource yourself. In other words, do your homework. Find out what it takes to make happen what you want to happen. Where is your course offered? How much does it cost? Is there a market niche for the business you want to start? Can you practically get to the need you wish to help meet? Evaluate the risk. The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing!
E - Equip yourself. Start a savings account for your dream and put in pennies if that’s all you have today. Register for one course. Write up a business plan. Volunteer in the area of the need you have identified. Many dreams go by the wayside because no one ever took that first step. Make a choice today.
A – Apply yourself. Dreams take hard work and often sacrifice. You will have to say “no” to some things in order to pursue your dream. Persevere.
M – Manage yourself. Know your priorities and stick to them. Many things will call you away from your dream. Don’t let regret of yesterday or fear of tomorrow rob you of pursuing your dream today!
Dreams take time to build. When building a dream you must be prepared to persevere. Building a dream is not for the faint-hearted! It takes faith, faith in yourself and faith in God who plants the seeds of dreams in the first place.
Most of us have a dream buried beneath the rubble of life. Take it out and dust it off. If you have no dreams left, put a new dream in your heart.
Share your dream with one person who will walk beside you and encourage you in building a dream. We all have days when the daily dust piles up again and it’s easy to let the dream slip away. A soul-mate will paint the colors of your dream for you when you have forgotten the picture.
Building a dream can start today
D – Define your dream. If it’s more education be specific about a particular course. If its starting your own business pinpoint exactly what you would do. If it’s helping the needy then decide what need and in what location. Identify where you’re going.
R - Resource yourself. In other words, do your homework. Find out what it takes to make happen what you want to happen. Where is your course offered? How much does it cost? Is there a market niche for the business you want to start? Can you practically get to the need you wish to help meet? Evaluate the risk. The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing!
E - Equip yourself. Start a savings account for your dream and put in pennies if that’s all you have today. Register for one course. Write up a business plan. Volunteer in the area of the need you have identified. Many dreams go by the wayside because no one ever took that first step. Make a choice today.
A – Apply yourself. Dreams take hard work and often sacrifice. You will have to say “no” to some things in order to pursue your dream. Persevere.
M – Manage yourself. Know your priorities and stick to them. Many things will call you away from your dream. Don’t let regret of yesterday or fear of tomorrow rob you of pursuing your dream today!
Dec 12, 2007
Chocolate Vs. Love
Have you ever gone a long time without eating and felt your stomach groan with hunger? In those situations, what was your body telling you? Obviously, it was crying out for some nutritious food. Yet, how often have you consumed chocolate candy out of desperation or convenience, just to get rid of those hunger pangs? I've done it several times. What happens?
Chocolate Highs
Initially, feeding your empty stomach with chocolate feels great. The ache goes away, your hunger disappears, and all of the sugar and caffeine hitting your system gives you the sensation of feeling "high." Buzzing with bliss, you wonder why you don't eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
About thirty minutes later, however, everything changes. A sharper pain than the one before grips your stomach, and your head becomes dizzy. All of your pleasant feelings degenerate into discomfort worse than your original hunger.
What caused this pain to result?
Was there something wrong with the chocolate? No. Chocolate candy is safe to eat, but it doesn't contain the nutrients necessary for your body to survive. Therefore, when you are hungry, chocolate alone cannot help you. Instead, it makes you feel worse. For your body to thrive, it must receive a steady diet of nutritious food. Then you can enjoy chocolate as a fun dessert. However, you will get sick if you try to live solely on chocolate.
Unfortunately, many singles enter dating relationships by trying to "eat chocolate on an empty stomach." They approach one another with hungry hearts, hoping that the other person will feed them. This condition can be especially acute when a man or woman feels lonely, rejected, or starved for acceptance. Without love, people become desperate for something to fill the void inside their hearts. A romance, with its potentially sweet taste and emotional highs, seems the likely solution to their hunger.
Looking for love in all the wrong places
As a single adult, they are hungry for love and searched repeatedly to find a man/woman to fulfill them. Every new romance that they entered felt like a chocolate sugar high, with soaring emotions, exhilarating self-esteem boosts, and a sweet sense of security. In the headiness of romantic rapture, their heart thinks that a man/woman could fulfill them forever. Nevertheless, the euphoria inevitably collapses. Sometimes, it takes weeks. Other times, it takes months.
Regardless of how wonderful a new dating relationship feels, the romantic bliss will eventually wear off. Human affection may taste good, but, like chocolate, it cannot give our hearts what they need for survival. The true hunger of our hearts is to be accepted unconditionally. We need more than just attention, friendship, or sex. We long for someone to love us despite our faults, mistakes, and imperfections. Our hearts remain hollow when no one completely accepts us.
Unconditional love
Humans, however, cannot give each other unconditional love. We get upset or impatient when someone fails to make us happy. Furthermore, we base our love for someone on how well they perform. The root of this problem is sin, which causes constant mistakes, conflicts, and disappointments. No one is accepting, patient, and forgiving all of the time. Therefore, human love is like chocolate because the pleasure doesn't last. None of us have the ability to accept people unconditionally. The affection we give to each other may taste good initially, but the thrill disappears as our selfish motives demand performance. And this problem lasts from the cradle to the grave.
I don't mean to sound fatalistic, but we must acknowledge the reality that human love is performance-based. It always has been and always will be. You can date anyone in this world, but that person cannot give your heart the unconditional acceptance that it craves.
This truth also applies in marriage. Someone once asked my dad's friend, "What is your wife's opinion of you?"
He replied, "It depends on what day you ask her. Some days she loves me. Other days, I drive her crazy, and she wonders why she married me. My wife and I wish we could love each other perfectly, but it is impossible since we both sin and make choices that hurt each other."
Is marriage the answer?
Consider those around you. How many of your married friends warn you that marriage is tougher than you think? Yet, how many of your single friends complain of feeling incomplete without a spouse?
All too often, we neglect what our hearts really need and attempt to satisfy ourselves with a cheap substitute called romance. In essence, we try to live on an unhealthy diet of chocolate. But our hearts cannot survive under the demands of performance-based love. We inevitably burn out, wear out, or drop out, from trying to please others.
Real love is out there
You don’t need a new set of dating principles or techniques. A perfect love waits to delight you. This love, however, cannot soothe the ache within your heart until you stop chasing after romantic passion or passionate sex. Those shallow quests lead to emptiness. The hunger in your heart is for real passion.
Passion Awaits You
Stop settling for less than what your heart truly desires. A higher love waits to take you beyond the jaded, cynical disappointments that result from most dating relationships. No longer does your heart have to survive on the cheap chocolate of empty romance. You were made to experience more than just manipulation, performance, or selfish indulgence. You were created by God to share in the ecstasy of real love, not just when you get to heaven but in life on earth as well.
Before you can truly love another person, however, you must first understand how much you are already loved. So open your heart, and prepare for the passion that awaits you.
Chocolate Highs
Initially, feeding your empty stomach with chocolate feels great. The ache goes away, your hunger disappears, and all of the sugar and caffeine hitting your system gives you the sensation of feeling "high." Buzzing with bliss, you wonder why you don't eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
About thirty minutes later, however, everything changes. A sharper pain than the one before grips your stomach, and your head becomes dizzy. All of your pleasant feelings degenerate into discomfort worse than your original hunger.
What caused this pain to result?
Was there something wrong with the chocolate? No. Chocolate candy is safe to eat, but it doesn't contain the nutrients necessary for your body to survive. Therefore, when you are hungry, chocolate alone cannot help you. Instead, it makes you feel worse. For your body to thrive, it must receive a steady diet of nutritious food. Then you can enjoy chocolate as a fun dessert. However, you will get sick if you try to live solely on chocolate.
Unfortunately, many singles enter dating relationships by trying to "eat chocolate on an empty stomach." They approach one another with hungry hearts, hoping that the other person will feed them. This condition can be especially acute when a man or woman feels lonely, rejected, or starved for acceptance. Without love, people become desperate for something to fill the void inside their hearts. A romance, with its potentially sweet taste and emotional highs, seems the likely solution to their hunger.
Looking for love in all the wrong places
As a single adult, they are hungry for love and searched repeatedly to find a man/woman to fulfill them. Every new romance that they entered felt like a chocolate sugar high, with soaring emotions, exhilarating self-esteem boosts, and a sweet sense of security. In the headiness of romantic rapture, their heart thinks that a man/woman could fulfill them forever. Nevertheless, the euphoria inevitably collapses. Sometimes, it takes weeks. Other times, it takes months.
Regardless of how wonderful a new dating relationship feels, the romantic bliss will eventually wear off. Human affection may taste good, but, like chocolate, it cannot give our hearts what they need for survival. The true hunger of our hearts is to be accepted unconditionally. We need more than just attention, friendship, or sex. We long for someone to love us despite our faults, mistakes, and imperfections. Our hearts remain hollow when no one completely accepts us.
Unconditional love
Humans, however, cannot give each other unconditional love. We get upset or impatient when someone fails to make us happy. Furthermore, we base our love for someone on how well they perform. The root of this problem is sin, which causes constant mistakes, conflicts, and disappointments. No one is accepting, patient, and forgiving all of the time. Therefore, human love is like chocolate because the pleasure doesn't last. None of us have the ability to accept people unconditionally. The affection we give to each other may taste good initially, but the thrill disappears as our selfish motives demand performance. And this problem lasts from the cradle to the grave.
I don't mean to sound fatalistic, but we must acknowledge the reality that human love is performance-based. It always has been and always will be. You can date anyone in this world, but that person cannot give your heart the unconditional acceptance that it craves.
This truth also applies in marriage. Someone once asked my dad's friend, "What is your wife's opinion of you?"
He replied, "It depends on what day you ask her. Some days she loves me. Other days, I drive her crazy, and she wonders why she married me. My wife and I wish we could love each other perfectly, but it is impossible since we both sin and make choices that hurt each other."
Is marriage the answer?
Consider those around you. How many of your married friends warn you that marriage is tougher than you think? Yet, how many of your single friends complain of feeling incomplete without a spouse?
All too often, we neglect what our hearts really need and attempt to satisfy ourselves with a cheap substitute called romance. In essence, we try to live on an unhealthy diet of chocolate. But our hearts cannot survive under the demands of performance-based love. We inevitably burn out, wear out, or drop out, from trying to please others.
Real love is out there
You don’t need a new set of dating principles or techniques. A perfect love waits to delight you. This love, however, cannot soothe the ache within your heart until you stop chasing after romantic passion or passionate sex. Those shallow quests lead to emptiness. The hunger in your heart is for real passion.
Passion Awaits You
Stop settling for less than what your heart truly desires. A higher love waits to take you beyond the jaded, cynical disappointments that result from most dating relationships. No longer does your heart have to survive on the cheap chocolate of empty romance. You were made to experience more than just manipulation, performance, or selfish indulgence. You were created by God to share in the ecstasy of real love, not just when you get to heaven but in life on earth as well.
Before you can truly love another person, however, you must first understand how much you are already loved. So open your heart, and prepare for the passion that awaits you.
Stupid Women
Love is everything in a life of a woman. Failed to be successful in his professional sphere, a man at the moment can’t think about his relationships; on the contrary, a woman, having serious problems with her love affair, can’t concentrate on her job. Either agreeing with these statements or not, you can’t deny the fact that love and relationships are the huge part of a woman’s life. Exceptions are very few.
It all starts in the early childhood. Girls play dolls, marrying them, creating toy families; they play in mothers and daughters. Later girls start to dream of a beautiful white bride’s dress; they’re trying to catch the bouquet on the weddings of their elder relatives and friends. Their favorite topic for discussion are boys, they imagine a magnificent first date, a romantic first kiss, a perfect boyfriend, an ideal husband and a happy family.
Girls fall in love for the first time, and there starts the saga named “women and relationships”. Each girl thinks that she’s the unique one, the happiest or the most miserable. It doesn’t matter in fact, because love stories repeat the same scripts for every woman. Girls fall in and out of love, change boyfriends, making the same mistakes, blame it all on men.
When a woman starts new relationships with a man, she seems to play the main role. Men are obsessed with passionate attempts to get acquatinted with an object of adoration, but in course of time female happens to get too much attached to a partner, complaining of his not giving flowers or paying that tender attention anymore. A man has finally won his woman - she’s calling him everyday; turning for help, advice and understanding; she’s asking in a weepy voice “don’t you love me anymore?” - so does he still have to claim his individual property? His own logic says he doesn’t. Women and their relationships are the great encyclopedia of mistakes. Women tend to forget that the less they show their affection, the more they are appreciated by their second halves.
Women and relationships tell an endless story of a constant search for the Ideal Man that – and that’s proved by science – doesn’t exist. As a result, women try to change male dates in a way to meet their innocent dreams of Mr. Prince Charming on a White Horse. Usually, it never works - he gets annoyed, she gets disappointed.
We all should remind ourselves from time to time that we’re living in the real world, both men and women aren’t perfect, we have our bad habits and sins, some positive or negative past experience, our fears and complexes. While building relationships we have to deal with all that in each other. The love and relationships are never what women or men want them to be. Favorable outcome leads to compromises, dismal end – to everlasting cold war.
It all starts in the early childhood. Girls play dolls, marrying them, creating toy families; they play in mothers and daughters. Later girls start to dream of a beautiful white bride’s dress; they’re trying to catch the bouquet on the weddings of their elder relatives and friends. Their favorite topic for discussion are boys, they imagine a magnificent first date, a romantic first kiss, a perfect boyfriend, an ideal husband and a happy family.
Girls fall in love for the first time, and there starts the saga named “women and relationships”. Each girl thinks that she’s the unique one, the happiest or the most miserable. It doesn’t matter in fact, because love stories repeat the same scripts for every woman. Girls fall in and out of love, change boyfriends, making the same mistakes, blame it all on men.
When a woman starts new relationships with a man, she seems to play the main role. Men are obsessed with passionate attempts to get acquatinted with an object of adoration, but in course of time female happens to get too much attached to a partner, complaining of his not giving flowers or paying that tender attention anymore. A man has finally won his woman - she’s calling him everyday; turning for help, advice and understanding; she’s asking in a weepy voice “don’t you love me anymore?” - so does he still have to claim his individual property? His own logic says he doesn’t. Women and their relationships are the great encyclopedia of mistakes. Women tend to forget that the less they show their affection, the more they are appreciated by their second halves.
Women and relationships tell an endless story of a constant search for the Ideal Man that – and that’s proved by science – doesn’t exist. As a result, women try to change male dates in a way to meet their innocent dreams of Mr. Prince Charming on a White Horse. Usually, it never works - he gets annoyed, she gets disappointed.
We all should remind ourselves from time to time that we’re living in the real world, both men and women aren’t perfect, we have our bad habits and sins, some positive or negative past experience, our fears and complexes. While building relationships we have to deal with all that in each other. The love and relationships are never what women or men want them to be. Favorable outcome leads to compromises, dismal end – to everlasting cold war.
“The Buffalos” by William Carlos
No matter how strong are the values of a man or a woman they should never forget about feelings and happiness that are nowhere else to be found but in the heart of the beloved person. Men and women fight in relationships: fight for more independence, fight to prove their rightness and keep forgetting that love is not a fight but a “mutual support alliance”. William Carlos Williams in his story “The Buffalos” gives an outstanding example of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Francie in this story has a certain notion of what a relationship should be like. She seeks for being loved, understood, as any women does. But as far as it is possible to say – she has some kind of an inner conflict – she seeks love and at the same time she wants to show how independent and strong she is. She belongs to the type of women that will do anything to prove that they are not worse than man are and even better. Francie “had one defect-or habit, rather, which at first amused me. She was a great talker for woman's rights” says the storyteller. In her beloved one she saw love and an adversary at the same time. She got gentleness and love from him but afterwards she seemed to forget how precious it is and in this way she used the person she loved.
The man starts the story by telling: “Once I had a beautiful friend whom I loved and who loved me. It was not easy for us to see each other…”. This summation seems to reflect the whole story. The man loves, but in his relationship with Francie he seeks for pleasures. This is even supported by the fact that “it was sometimes months together before we could meet at all”. It seems to more of a “childish game” for him. The Buffalo story he tells her is some kind of reflection of his personal belief. Buffalos – are free animals, they do whatever they want. He tells it to outline the possibility for men and women live separately and freely like buffalos.
People should fight for their feeling if they want their relationship to work out. Love is not about being or not being dependent on each other. People should FEEL and think lesser than they do, stop constantly analyzing their relationship and just be happy, enjoying their moments together. This is the only way to really feel free. And at the end people are not buffalos, they are not animals- they are human being with hearts and souls. And the only thing really important thing to fight for is LOVE.
Francie in this story has a certain notion of what a relationship should be like. She seeks for being loved, understood, as any women does. But as far as it is possible to say – she has some kind of an inner conflict – she seeks love and at the same time she wants to show how independent and strong she is. She belongs to the type of women that will do anything to prove that they are not worse than man are and even better. Francie “had one defect-or habit, rather, which at first amused me. She was a great talker for woman's rights” says the storyteller. In her beloved one she saw love and an adversary at the same time. She got gentleness and love from him but afterwards she seemed to forget how precious it is and in this way she used the person she loved.
The man starts the story by telling: “Once I had a beautiful friend whom I loved and who loved me. It was not easy for us to see each other…”. This summation seems to reflect the whole story. The man loves, but in his relationship with Francie he seeks for pleasures. This is even supported by the fact that “it was sometimes months together before we could meet at all”. It seems to more of a “childish game” for him. The Buffalo story he tells her is some kind of reflection of his personal belief. Buffalos – are free animals, they do whatever they want. He tells it to outline the possibility for men and women live separately and freely like buffalos.
People should fight for their feeling if they want their relationship to work out. Love is not about being or not being dependent on each other. People should FEEL and think lesser than they do, stop constantly analyzing their relationship and just be happy, enjoying their moments together. This is the only way to really feel free. And at the end people are not buffalos, they are not animals- they are human being with hearts and souls. And the only thing really important thing to fight for is LOVE.
Just my thoughts put in words by some1 else!!!
This is a poem on Radhika’s blog.
If I ever say goodbye
Please don’t ask me, why???
But if ever you do the same,
I’ll readily take all the blame
If ever I decide to forget you,
I’ll erase your memory too
But if ever you do the same,
I’ll see to it you never forget my name!!
If ever in life we meet
I guess the memories would be sweet
But if destiny has something else in store
That certainly would be sweeter, I’m sure!!!
I had a few things or rather thoughts something like the above but was wondering if I would able to put those in words. Or to some extend I have actually put those words above in practice, specially the last 2 para’s. hehe I know I am such a……….. I am fed up of writing to much of philosophy on my blog, so lets have fun reading something practical and much more realistic.
If I ever say goodbye
Please don’t ask me, why???
But if ever you do the same,
I’ll readily take all the blame
If ever I decide to forget you,
I’ll erase your memory too
But if ever you do the same,
I’ll see to it you never forget my name!!
If ever in life we meet
I guess the memories would be sweet
But if destiny has something else in store
That certainly would be sweeter, I’m sure!!!
I had a few things or rather thoughts something like the above but was wondering if I would able to put those in words. Or to some extend I have actually put those words above in practice, specially the last 2 para’s. hehe I know I am such a……….. I am fed up of writing to much of philosophy on my blog, so lets have fun reading something practical and much more realistic.
Dec 10, 2007
Happiness scattered....
It was really nice lovely Sunday after really really long. Don’t know, something was soooo good about this day. With sleeping really late last night with all the assignments, dint feel like waking up till late in morning, but how was it possible. Why not???? You may ask, because it was Sunday, the only day in the week when everybody in the world remembers me without fail. All my Sunday’s start with an early morning call from my dadu, followed with my random friends all over world and then my darling parents, especially mom, with some gossip about the people in our world till mom feels sleepy and I think that its high time that I get out of my bed and get moving. Prolly the only day in the week I feel so relaxed and at home.
What was so special about today… actually nothing but it was once nice day. I was in my bed, believe me till 1 pm just simply attending calls. The best thing was I spoke to rushabh, anish and jayraj, just the same way like we used to have the multi millon dollar business conference calls for our weekend programs, all the guys pulling my leg and arguing and then finally agreeing to go to the place, I wanted to go… I miss that bossyness so much. It wasn’t only with the Joseph ites, but with other guys as well.
Watched Aaja nachle in the afternoon and believe me I was so jealous of Madhuri Dixit, she looked so elegant and beautiful at her age. I wish I am able to maintain like her till I reach her age. I guess after long I had madness attack, I was just dancing my way all thru the house, cracking really funny jokes, I felt that there was happiness all over my place. Finally with chef in me, we just had banana milkshake with fresh cream and cherries topped with chocolate ice cream. Yuummmmmm…… What else
I want before I hit the bed.
Don’t remember the last time I was so happy without having a reason, so just want to make a small prayer tonight that today’s spirit stays with me for a long time. Thank you god for such a beautiful day to cherish in my life.
Dec 6, 2007
Correlated....
I dont know the last time I read my friends blogs and a few more. It seems that everyone in the world had taken a long break from blogging and now they are back to their respective blogs.
I was reading parag's blog and believe me I just couldn’t stop smiling and laughing while i was reading it. I could see my roomates with the expression on their faces, "Has she gone mad?????" but they would not understand. I found a lot of similarities to the life I am leading these days. Life's definitely changed for good in like less than 4 months. I miss a lot of things, though I do get home cooked food, but its different when u have ur mom cooking for u. Though I am a good cook but it is boring to eat food that u cook. For a change, rather not a change cuz i used to this back home - to cook for boys. Like home, I have managed to some companions while being at school - again all guys, and land up cooking for them cuz i think they are mad over Indian food. The moment Bernard hears about pakora's his mouth starts watering.
After really really long I had a great time last night. Today our final formal report for our semester was due and we all guys started working on it like last evening at 4. After working like machines all of us were so tired and hungry that me, Bernard, Raoul, Monique, Kristein and Jigar decided that we should take a dinner break but it was so cold outside that no one wanted to come back to the library once we walked out. Finally I suggested that we should go to my place, have some nice hot Indian food and get back to the report. Everyone agreed in no time and we had some good dinner all together at my place. It was like a party time and we did not land up back to our reports till 11 pm. finally after all the fun we started working till 3.00 am and again tired took some sleep and hit back to college by 8.30. it seemed to be a long long day. Finally all major assignments come to an end for this semester and a finals next week.
Finally had some nice, enjoyable and memorable moments to store in memories of my first semester here. My oral presentations were fabulous and I guess I scored 90+ in all of them (I know people would say, "who can compete you in talking?" right). But again something comes to mind about the life here. The happiness here is just momentary. It’s gone once that time is gone. It’s all about leading a loner's life. You really don’t have a loving face to see when you get back home, cuz no one is waiting for u at home. It’s a juiceless life.
This brings me to the same point that parag has written as the last lines - BEING SINGLE IS SO BORING!!!!!!!!! hahaha believe me I am saying this. I know people who would read this would have a raised eyebrows cuz I am sure this is something they would not expect me to say but I finally gave in to that thought. (Samandaro ka pani koi na pee sake, akela khara jeevan koi naa jee saka). May be I never thought that being single was boring because I had great friends and life in mumbai. But when you are in a phase like me where you really dont have nething to look forward to makes me think that atleast if I had some1 in my life, it would give me a reason to look forward to things. This makes me think to which my mom has been telling to me for some time now - START THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
I guess I think I want to think over that option seriously and give it some serious thoughts and time. BUT Where the hell are all good guys.... the ones I knew who probably were nice guys and interested in me gave up on me after really waiting long and tried too hard to pursue me to get into a committed relationship. And all of them now, either have some1 else in their life or are all ready to get married in coming few months. Hehehe hahaha… I know I always have a hard luck when it comes to Cards and love, I am never on the winning side... But one thing for sure is that I have made up my mind that I am seriously going to consider it and think over it. I will have some quality time only after March so I think I should start hunting so that when I have time, I can put it to some good use... :)
I don’t know but I have always believed my instincts, and they have been correct almost most of times. And this time I have a gut feeling that after Christmas I am going to have a much organized life than I ever had before. I need stability to my life which eventually will come along. Have to really work hard next semester cuz it’s an important one and a lot is dependent on what I do and how I do,in the coming 4 months. Keeping my fingers crossed for a few things I have in my mind and really hope that they happen to me.... It has been ages that things have happened to me which I badly wanted in life. Hoping to have a great New Year star and have lots of things to look forward to.
I was reading parag's blog and believe me I just couldn’t stop smiling and laughing while i was reading it. I could see my roomates with the expression on their faces, "Has she gone mad?????" but they would not understand. I found a lot of similarities to the life I am leading these days. Life's definitely changed for good in like less than 4 months. I miss a lot of things, though I do get home cooked food, but its different when u have ur mom cooking for u. Though I am a good cook but it is boring to eat food that u cook. For a change, rather not a change cuz i used to this back home - to cook for boys. Like home, I have managed to some companions while being at school - again all guys, and land up cooking for them cuz i think they are mad over Indian food. The moment Bernard hears about pakora's his mouth starts watering.
After really really long I had a great time last night. Today our final formal report for our semester was due and we all guys started working on it like last evening at 4. After working like machines all of us were so tired and hungry that me, Bernard, Raoul, Monique, Kristein and Jigar decided that we should take a dinner break but it was so cold outside that no one wanted to come back to the library once we walked out. Finally I suggested that we should go to my place, have some nice hot Indian food and get back to the report. Everyone agreed in no time and we had some good dinner all together at my place. It was like a party time and we did not land up back to our reports till 11 pm. finally after all the fun we started working till 3.00 am and again tired took some sleep and hit back to college by 8.30. it seemed to be a long long day. Finally all major assignments come to an end for this semester and a finals next week.
Finally had some nice, enjoyable and memorable moments to store in memories of my first semester here. My oral presentations were fabulous and I guess I scored 90+ in all of them (I know people would say, "who can compete you in talking?" right). But again something comes to mind about the life here. The happiness here is just momentary. It’s gone once that time is gone. It’s all about leading a loner's life. You really don’t have a loving face to see when you get back home, cuz no one is waiting for u at home. It’s a juiceless life.
This brings me to the same point that parag has written as the last lines - BEING SINGLE IS SO BORING!!!!!!!!! hahaha believe me I am saying this. I know people who would read this would have a raised eyebrows cuz I am sure this is something they would not expect me to say but I finally gave in to that thought. (Samandaro ka pani koi na pee sake, akela khara jeevan koi naa jee saka). May be I never thought that being single was boring because I had great friends and life in mumbai. But when you are in a phase like me where you really dont have nething to look forward to makes me think that atleast if I had some1 in my life, it would give me a reason to look forward to things. This makes me think to which my mom has been telling to me for some time now - START THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
I guess I think I want to think over that option seriously and give it some serious thoughts and time. BUT Where the hell are all good guys.... the ones I knew who probably were nice guys and interested in me gave up on me after really waiting long and tried too hard to pursue me to get into a committed relationship. And all of them now, either have some1 else in their life or are all ready to get married in coming few months. Hehehe hahaha… I know I always have a hard luck when it comes to Cards and love, I am never on the winning side... But one thing for sure is that I have made up my mind that I am seriously going to consider it and think over it. I will have some quality time only after March so I think I should start hunting so that when I have time, I can put it to some good use... :)
I don’t know but I have always believed my instincts, and they have been correct almost most of times. And this time I have a gut feeling that after Christmas I am going to have a much organized life than I ever had before. I need stability to my life which eventually will come along. Have to really work hard next semester cuz it’s an important one and a lot is dependent on what I do and how I do,in the coming 4 months. Keeping my fingers crossed for a few things I have in my mind and really hope that they happen to me.... It has been ages that things have happened to me which I badly wanted in life. Hoping to have a great New Year star and have lots of things to look forward to.
Nov 28, 2007
Can Men and Women be FRIENDS?
This is one of the assignments done by me for my creative writing course i have taken and supposedly was the best crafted piece. (thts wht my teacher felt) but its not here for that reason but a topic i like debating, discussing and arguing... is so much fun... have fun reading... here it comes
Can Men and Women be FRIENDS?
Reading about human behavioral psychology has always been one of my interests. While I was working on my English Research assignment, I came across one of the essay titled “What’s Funny to Him is Funnier to Her” in my book. The title really pulled my attention and I landed up reading the essay and also read articles related to it on online psychology journals. After reading a few articles, I thought it would be best to write on this topic titled above because to some extend I could relate myself to the topic and at some point of time in our lives we all have come across this question.
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs: Men and women can't be real friends. Blame the sexual tension that almost inevitably exists between any man and woman. Point to the jealousy that affects many rational people when a significant other befriends someone of the opposite sex or be it the inherent differences between the sexes. [Ward, L. (Sept 20, 2005)] It just can't be done. This is what people feel all the time, Right?
Wrong, even I have experienced and relationship experts have said the same. "The belief that men and women can't be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance," explained Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, New York. "Now they work together and share sports interests and socialize together." This cultural shift has encouraged psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message. Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends. What's more, there are good reasons for them to do so.
Society has ruled out romance as the typical male-female relationship because it’s a way of begetting babies and keeps the life cycle going; cross-sex friendship, as researchers call it, has been either ignored or trivialized. We have rules for how to act in romantic relationships (flirt, date, get married, have kids) and even same-sex friendships (boys relate by doing activities together, girls by talking and sharing). But there are so few non physical male-female friendships on display that we're at a loss to even defining these relationships.
Part of this confusion stems from the media. A certain classic film starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal convinced a nation of moviegoers that sex always comes between men and women, making true friendship impossible. Television hasn't helped either, almost every time you see a male-female friendship; it winds up turning into romance. These cultural images are hard to overcome. It's no wonder we expect that men and women are always on the road to romance. But that's only one of the major barriers.
It’s also about defining the relationship between men and women as Friends and as Lovers. Non physical love does exist. Ask people who have opposite sex buddy, they would confirm that "friendship attraction" or a connection devoid of lust, is a bona fide type of bond that people experience. Distinguishing between romantic, sexual and friendly feelings, however, can be exceedingly difficult. People don't know what feelings are appropriate toward the opposite sex, unless they're what our culture defines as appropriate. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but not enough to date or marry them. What does this mean?
It’s also about overcoming the sexual attraction. The reality that sexual attraction could suddenly enter the equation of a cross-sex friendship uninvited is always there in the background. A simple hug could instantaneously take on a more sexual meaning. You're trying to do a friend-friend thing, but the male-female parts of you get in the way. Unwelcome or not, the attraction is difficult to ignore. [Morry, M. M.(2007)]
In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 150 professional men and women were asked what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women's list of dislikes was sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship. Either way, 62 percent of all subjects reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships. [Reeder, H. M. (2000)]
Friendship should be a pairing of equals. But, in a culture where men have always been more equal than women, male dominance, prestige and power is baggage that both men and women are likely to bring to a relationship. Women are at risk of subconsciously adopting a more submissive role in cross-sex friendships, although that is slowly changing as society begins to treat both genders more equally.
Society may not be entirely ready for friendships between men and women that have no sexual subtext. People with close friends of the opposite sex are often asked "Are you really just friends?" This is especially true of older adults, who grew up when men and women were off-limits to each other until marriage.
As the workplace and other social arenas become increasingly open to women, the sexes are mingling more and more. Still, men and women continue to have surprisingly few opportunities to interact. These obstacles may seem numerous but, male-female friendship is becoming not only a possibility but also a necessity. If men and women are to work, play and coexist in modern society, I believe men and women must learn to understand and communicate with each other. Eventually people are now beginning to understand some basic truths about male-female friendship. [Parker, S. & Vries, B. (1993)]
Men benefit more from cross-sex friendship. There are proven, apparent and distinct differences between female friendship and male friendship. Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts.
Men I know consider cross-sex friendships as being much higher in overall quality, enjoyment and nurturance than their same-sex friendships. What they reported liking the most was talking and relating to women—something they can't do with their buddies. Meanwhile, gals I know found their same-sex friendships higher on all these counts. They expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, so they're easily disappointed when they don't receive them. I remember one of my friend telling me that "Women confide in women and men confide in women”, while we were discussing this topic.
...But Women benefit too. All that sharing and discussing in female-female friendship can become exhausting, as any woman who's stayed up all night comforting a brokenhearted girlfriend can attest. With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. I feel that friendships with men are lighter, more fun. Men aren't so sensitive about things. I also like the protective, familial and casual warmth I get from men, viewing them as surrogate big brothers. What I like the most of all is getting some insight into what guys really think.
Cross-sex friendships are emotionally rewarding. Although women dig men's light hearted attitude, most male-female friendships resemble women's emotionally involving friendships more than they do men's activity-oriented relationships. The number one thing male and female friends do together is talk one-on-one. Other activities they prefer—like dining out and going for drives—simply facilitate that communication. In fact close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive because they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships and females appreciate gathering the male perspective. [Morry, M. M.(2007)]
In reality it’s not all about sex or isn't always on the agenda. That could be due to sexual orientation, lack of physical attraction or involvement in another romantic relationship. After all, even friends who are attracted to each other may also recognize that qualities they tolerate in a friendship wouldn't necessarily work in a serious romantic relationship. And after years of considering someone as a friend, it often becomes difficult to see a cross-sex pal as a romantic possibility. Of pairs that do face the question of lust, those that decide early on to bypass an uncertain romantic relationship are more likely to have an enduring friendship. [Morry, M. M. (2007)].
Men and women have increasingly similar rights, opportunities and interests, which can make cross-sex friendship very political. It upsets the agreed-upon social order. Women and men engage in an equal relationship, or they aren't friends. For one thing, new generations of kids grow up believing that boys can play with dolls and girls can take kickboxing, and they're crossing paths more frequently as a result. [Morry, M. M. (2007)].
Men and women are blending both traits as their societal roles become more similar. Men are more willing to have feminine characteristics, and women are a lot more willing to admit to traditionally masculine characteristics, like assertiveness. Whatever the challenges of male-female friendship, to succeed as friends, both genders have to openly and honestly negotiate exactly what their relationship will mean—whether sexual attraction is a factor and how they'll deal with it—and establish boundaries. If sex is part of the dynamic, addressing it explicitly is the best strategy for making sure the friendship survives. The issue will fester if friends try to ignore it. So in the end, male-female friendship does have something in common with romantic relationships: To work, communication is the key.
Can Men and Women be FRIENDS?
Reading about human behavioral psychology has always been one of my interests. While I was working on my English Research assignment, I came across one of the essay titled “What’s Funny to Him is Funnier to Her” in my book. The title really pulled my attention and I landed up reading the essay and also read articles related to it on online psychology journals. After reading a few articles, I thought it would be best to write on this topic titled above because to some extend I could relate myself to the topic and at some point of time in our lives we all have come across this question.
If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs: Men and women can't be real friends. Blame the sexual tension that almost inevitably exists between any man and woman. Point to the jealousy that affects many rational people when a significant other befriends someone of the opposite sex or be it the inherent differences between the sexes. [Ward, L. (Sept 20, 2005)] It just can't be done. This is what people feel all the time, Right?
Wrong, even I have experienced and relationship experts have said the same. "The belief that men and women can't be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance," explained Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in Valley Stream, New York. "Now they work together and share sports interests and socialize together." This cultural shift has encouraged psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message. Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends. What's more, there are good reasons for them to do so.
Society has ruled out romance as the typical male-female relationship because it’s a way of begetting babies and keeps the life cycle going; cross-sex friendship, as researchers call it, has been either ignored or trivialized. We have rules for how to act in romantic relationships (flirt, date, get married, have kids) and even same-sex friendships (boys relate by doing activities together, girls by talking and sharing). But there are so few non physical male-female friendships on display that we're at a loss to even defining these relationships.
Part of this confusion stems from the media. A certain classic film starring Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal convinced a nation of moviegoers that sex always comes between men and women, making true friendship impossible. Television hasn't helped either, almost every time you see a male-female friendship; it winds up turning into romance. These cultural images are hard to overcome. It's no wonder we expect that men and women are always on the road to romance. But that's only one of the major barriers.
It’s also about defining the relationship between men and women as Friends and as Lovers. Non physical love does exist. Ask people who have opposite sex buddy, they would confirm that "friendship attraction" or a connection devoid of lust, is a bona fide type of bond that people experience. Distinguishing between romantic, sexual and friendly feelings, however, can be exceedingly difficult. People don't know what feelings are appropriate toward the opposite sex, unless they're what our culture defines as appropriate. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but not enough to date or marry them. What does this mean?
It’s also about overcoming the sexual attraction. The reality that sexual attraction could suddenly enter the equation of a cross-sex friendship uninvited is always there in the background. A simple hug could instantaneously take on a more sexual meaning. You're trying to do a friend-friend thing, but the male-female parts of you get in the way. Unwelcome or not, the attraction is difficult to ignore. [Morry, M. M.(2007)]
In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 150 professional men and women were asked what they liked and disliked about their cross-sex friendships. Topping women's list of dislikes was sexual tension. Men, on the other hand, more frequently replied that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen a friendship. Either way, 62 percent of all subjects reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships. [Reeder, H. M. (2000)]
Friendship should be a pairing of equals. But, in a culture where men have always been more equal than women, male dominance, prestige and power is baggage that both men and women are likely to bring to a relationship. Women are at risk of subconsciously adopting a more submissive role in cross-sex friendships, although that is slowly changing as society begins to treat both genders more equally.
Society may not be entirely ready for friendships between men and women that have no sexual subtext. People with close friends of the opposite sex are often asked "Are you really just friends?" This is especially true of older adults, who grew up when men and women were off-limits to each other until marriage.
As the workplace and other social arenas become increasingly open to women, the sexes are mingling more and more. Still, men and women continue to have surprisingly few opportunities to interact. These obstacles may seem numerous but, male-female friendship is becoming not only a possibility but also a necessity. If men and women are to work, play and coexist in modern society, I believe men and women must learn to understand and communicate with each other. Eventually people are now beginning to understand some basic truths about male-female friendship. [Parker, S. & Vries, B. (1993)]
Men benefit more from cross-sex friendship. There are proven, apparent and distinct differences between female friendship and male friendship. Women spend the majority of their time together discussing their thoughts and feelings, while men tend to be far more group-oriented. Males gather to play sports or travel or talk stock quotes; rarely do they share feelings or personal reflections. This may explain why they seem to get far more out of cross-sex friendship than their female counterparts.
Men I know consider cross-sex friendships as being much higher in overall quality, enjoyment and nurturance than their same-sex friendships. What they reported liking the most was talking and relating to women—something they can't do with their buddies. Meanwhile, gals I know found their same-sex friendships higher on all these counts. They expect more emotional rewards from friendship than men do, so they're easily disappointed when they don't receive them. I remember one of my friend telling me that "Women confide in women and men confide in women”, while we were discussing this topic.
...But Women benefit too. All that sharing and discussing in female-female friendship can become exhausting, as any woman who's stayed up all night comforting a brokenhearted girlfriend can attest. With men, women can joke and banter without any emotional baggage. I feel that friendships with men are lighter, more fun. Men aren't so sensitive about things. I also like the protective, familial and casual warmth I get from men, viewing them as surrogate big brothers. What I like the most of all is getting some insight into what guys really think.
Cross-sex friendships are emotionally rewarding. Although women dig men's light hearted attitude, most male-female friendships resemble women's emotionally involving friendships more than they do men's activity-oriented relationships. The number one thing male and female friends do together is talk one-on-one. Other activities they prefer—like dining out and going for drives—simply facilitate that communication. In fact close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive because they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships and females appreciate gathering the male perspective. [Morry, M. M.(2007)]
In reality it’s not all about sex or isn't always on the agenda. That could be due to sexual orientation, lack of physical attraction or involvement in another romantic relationship. After all, even friends who are attracted to each other may also recognize that qualities they tolerate in a friendship wouldn't necessarily work in a serious romantic relationship. And after years of considering someone as a friend, it often becomes difficult to see a cross-sex pal as a romantic possibility. Of pairs that do face the question of lust, those that decide early on to bypass an uncertain romantic relationship are more likely to have an enduring friendship. [Morry, M. M. (2007)].
Men and women have increasingly similar rights, opportunities and interests, which can make cross-sex friendship very political. It upsets the agreed-upon social order. Women and men engage in an equal relationship, or they aren't friends. For one thing, new generations of kids grow up believing that boys can play with dolls and girls can take kickboxing, and they're crossing paths more frequently as a result. [Morry, M. M. (2007)].
Men and women are blending both traits as their societal roles become more similar. Men are more willing to have feminine characteristics, and women are a lot more willing to admit to traditionally masculine characteristics, like assertiveness. Whatever the challenges of male-female friendship, to succeed as friends, both genders have to openly and honestly negotiate exactly what their relationship will mean—whether sexual attraction is a factor and how they'll deal with it—and establish boundaries. If sex is part of the dynamic, addressing it explicitly is the best strategy for making sure the friendship survives. The issue will fester if friends try to ignore it. So in the end, male-female friendship does have something in common with romantic relationships: To work, communication is the key.
Nov 18, 2007
Back to the blog
Aaaaahhhhhh feels so nice to come back to my blog.... i had a good roller coaster of emotions for a couple of weeks now... finally things are better...
In no time the semester has almost come to an end and in 2 weeks i will be done with the first semester. enjoying the winters... really dont hv much thougts rght now but will be back to this place soon with nice things to write about... cheers :)
In no time the semester has almost come to an end and in 2 weeks i will be done with the first semester. enjoying the winters... really dont hv much thougts rght now but will be back to this place soon with nice things to write about... cheers :)
Oct 1, 2007
Happiness...
"Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections"
Happiness is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it,
the more it will elude it.
But if you turn your attention to other things,
it comes soflty and sits on your shoulders.....
This is such a sweet message i got from my dad the moment i opened my inbox in the morning... and believe me i hv experienced this and its so true... i hv been bickering abt a few things for a month now... eventually was missing all my FRIENDS and my FAMILY a lot... but in the process of getting all things right i did not look at the good things it has given me...
Now i realize tht wht a life i hv lead back in mumbai... i hardly had time for myself, to sit back and just think about MYSELF... dont remember the last time i tried to be selfish and was just thinking bout myself... School, job and friends, i was occupied all the time with something or the other and here in toronto I had nuthing to do, no worries, nuthing challenging to look forward to, JUST ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO
But now I have a lot to look forward to. Yesterday I started packing my stuff as I will be moving into a new apartment with a set of roomies. It reminded me of the day when i started packing my things to come to toronto... man tht was a difficult day, i had a world to myself and i had only 4 bags and 75 kgs tht i could carry (that was really difficult, all the things close to me had to be left back home) and was for the first time i realized tht i had countable days left, i was really really sad. But yest i was so excited packing things, i will be all by myself and after long i will hv a chance to do up my space with things i like(i hv lotta things in my mind to do when i move in, wow).
My space - Lotta pillows, Candles, flowers, earthy colours arond and SOFT TOYS.. I'm so much looking forward to it.... ALL SET TO MOVE ON with everything new to life and i guess the reason I left India, did not go to US and came to Canada seems to be accomplished... Want to revive a few things in life but with new people and new friends.... A lot to look forward to....
Happiness is like a butterfly.
The more you chase it,
the more it will elude it.
But if you turn your attention to other things,
it comes soflty and sits on your shoulders.....
This is such a sweet message i got from my dad the moment i opened my inbox in the morning... and believe me i hv experienced this and its so true... i hv been bickering abt a few things for a month now... eventually was missing all my FRIENDS and my FAMILY a lot... but in the process of getting all things right i did not look at the good things it has given me...
Now i realize tht wht a life i hv lead back in mumbai... i hardly had time for myself, to sit back and just think about MYSELF... dont remember the last time i tried to be selfish and was just thinking bout myself... School, job and friends, i was occupied all the time with something or the other and here in toronto I had nuthing to do, no worries, nuthing challenging to look forward to, JUST ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO
But now I have a lot to look forward to. Yesterday I started packing my stuff as I will be moving into a new apartment with a set of roomies. It reminded me of the day when i started packing my things to come to toronto... man tht was a difficult day, i had a world to myself and i had only 4 bags and 75 kgs tht i could carry (that was really difficult, all the things close to me had to be left back home) and was for the first time i realized tht i had countable days left, i was really really sad. But yest i was so excited packing things, i will be all by myself and after long i will hv a chance to do up my space with things i like(i hv lotta things in my mind to do when i move in, wow).
My space - Lotta pillows, Candles, flowers, earthy colours arond and SOFT TOYS.. I'm so much looking forward to it.... ALL SET TO MOVE ON with everything new to life and i guess the reason I left India, did not go to US and came to Canada seems to be accomplished... Want to revive a few things in life but with new people and new friends.... A lot to look forward to....
Sep 16, 2007
It's a month!!!!
Finally it's a month here in Toronto. Yest night while I was trying to complete my assignment i realized that it's month here.today morning dont remem how many calls i attended and all were like sweetie its a month and we dont believe that you not missing ne1 or crying either (how to tell you peopele how much i cried when i woke in the morning - was missing mum like hell)I guess after long i spoke to almost all the people in my family and lotta friends, other reason it happened cuz it was ganesh visharjan and a sunday and all were getting ready to go for visarjan and dance like mad people with those ghati street music - man i missed it this year, it used to be so much fun.I'm feeling much better since the past week as I am the way I like it the best - Staying Busy. School really keeps me busy with a few things so i dont land up thinking rubbish things.
I think my blog recently or rather has become kinda of my personal diary. All useless and unwanted things that i shouldnt be thinking bout or worrying kept bothering me and in turn i kept bothering people in past 3 weeks. Finally things are settling down for me. I hv got my peace of mind back and can put this stupid head to some work worth it.
The only thing which i knew was not going to be easy for me was to make new friends. And same thing happened and to add to the disaster my class was full of Indians - definately not a bad thing cuz I am one and proud to be one - BUT the crowd was really pathetic and the remaining ones were Chinese and i was left with like 7 more people to interact with. But as I always say, ma be late or whatever i am blessed with really great circle of friends and i had Farnz in my class(I am a big social butterfly and need to have stupid mad funny people around me - not forgetting i am a loner as well and would like to go into my shell ocassionally and not be disturbed or bothered for some time)
Me and Farnz were caught up in the same crisis of transfer credits and some how trying to get rid of the extra english class that we were put in. But at the end we landed up being together and finally becoming lab partners. She is a nice Iranian girl (Boys dont run your imaginations wild - Shez MARRIED.... hahaha) Just a kind of a girl i would want to hang around with, not much of gossiping, bickering and some good realistic stuff to converse about.
Then to add more to get rid of my boredom and wanted to do a lil diff thing other than biotechnology, i took up french classes. I thought lets try to learn a new language. I was hesitant cuz i hate studying languages and then to study them and later write exams but however i took it. God to add more to it - i have french class on saturday morning at 9.30 am till 12.30... felt like killing myself. so finally i landed in the french class yest absolutely with no further interest to learn it. BUT.....
I think yest was really an awesome day close to the best day so far... the french class turned out to be a cool class, had lots of fun and finally made a few mad frnds.. for people n my lil sis - yes guys (trust me life is so simple when ur with guys)... i had met these guys before,a week back for like 15 -20 mins at siddhi's apt (yea tht bombay bitch tht keeps troubling me all the time with her stupid issues and problems - wonder how do those guys bear her) and then i see them in class. we just started chatting n making fun of the chinese girls in the class and by the end of the class i had 2 new friends...
Things are coming to my old routine and the weather is getting cooler. Just a few more things needs to be sorted out and my gaddi will be back on track ready to move further. Insha allah by next month everything will be in place and really hv no clue and dont want to think or analyse or plan for what's going to come next... will live the way i used to in bombay and take each day as it comes to me, life so far has not been really cruel, yea sometimes bad and sad but all for the better so no complaints.. Yipeee i am towards becoming the same old stupid and mad giel just like before. will put some nice stuff to read on my blog.. hopefully and not my jeevan katha.. hehe
I think my blog recently or rather has become kinda of my personal diary. All useless and unwanted things that i shouldnt be thinking bout or worrying kept bothering me and in turn i kept bothering people in past 3 weeks. Finally things are settling down for me. I hv got my peace of mind back and can put this stupid head to some work worth it.
The only thing which i knew was not going to be easy for me was to make new friends. And same thing happened and to add to the disaster my class was full of Indians - definately not a bad thing cuz I am one and proud to be one - BUT the crowd was really pathetic and the remaining ones were Chinese and i was left with like 7 more people to interact with. But as I always say, ma be late or whatever i am blessed with really great circle of friends and i had Farnz in my class(I am a big social butterfly and need to have stupid mad funny people around me - not forgetting i am a loner as well and would like to go into my shell ocassionally and not be disturbed or bothered for some time)
Me and Farnz were caught up in the same crisis of transfer credits and some how trying to get rid of the extra english class that we were put in. But at the end we landed up being together and finally becoming lab partners. She is a nice Iranian girl (Boys dont run your imaginations wild - Shez MARRIED.... hahaha) Just a kind of a girl i would want to hang around with, not much of gossiping, bickering and some good realistic stuff to converse about.
Then to add more to get rid of my boredom and wanted to do a lil diff thing other than biotechnology, i took up french classes. I thought lets try to learn a new language. I was hesitant cuz i hate studying languages and then to study them and later write exams but however i took it. God to add more to it - i have french class on saturday morning at 9.30 am till 12.30... felt like killing myself. so finally i landed in the french class yest absolutely with no further interest to learn it. BUT.....
I think yest was really an awesome day close to the best day so far... the french class turned out to be a cool class, had lots of fun and finally made a few mad frnds.. for people n my lil sis - yes guys (trust me life is so simple when ur with guys)... i had met these guys before,a week back for like 15 -20 mins at siddhi's apt (yea tht bombay bitch tht keeps troubling me all the time with her stupid issues and problems - wonder how do those guys bear her) and then i see them in class. we just started chatting n making fun of the chinese girls in the class and by the end of the class i had 2 new friends...
Things are coming to my old routine and the weather is getting cooler. Just a few more things needs to be sorted out and my gaddi will be back on track ready to move further. Insha allah by next month everything will be in place and really hv no clue and dont want to think or analyse or plan for what's going to come next... will live the way i used to in bombay and take each day as it comes to me, life so far has not been really cruel, yea sometimes bad and sad but all for the better so no complaints.. Yipeee i am towards becoming the same old stupid and mad giel just like before. will put some nice stuff to read on my blog.. hopefully and not my jeevan katha.. hehe
Sep 7, 2007
I really dont know but i dont hv titles for my post these days... yest my cuzin left for india n again kinda main aur meri tanhaee.. i know it sounds so not like me but cant help it...
Had a really great long weekend with my cuzin n bhabhi in toronto.. went to niagara falls n places aroud. Yest they left n i had a long day in school.. still trying to be frnds with peoeple n believe me there are hell lotta indians in my program. But they are not the kinds i want to be friends with...
After we dropped my cuzin at the airport yest, i left for school. I was already missing them n started missing home so badly tht i landed up calling home n spoke to my ma n pa. But this time i cudnt controll my tears. i just felt like crying all the time and i landed calling my parents then called my dadu, kaka, kaki n some close frnds(spent a like $10 on calling cards n cried on all the calls equally, i was really missing every1). I didnt come here to b all alone... so far my life had been with people who loved me n i loved, all around me. I landed questioning myself tht this not for which i have moved here.. i had put in lotta efforts, technically fought with people who were against the idea of me coming here.
Today i m more relaxed, a lil low but its all right.. i will move on... i guess from next week i am going to be really busy with school.. for sure will find some accomodation so tht i can move out from my uncle's place n be a lil close to my campus so tht i dont travel for close to 5 hrs everyday... A few things tht also needs to be done is with my program details... get a US visa so if i wish i can go to New York n spend a weekend with Kay n shelia ma n pa (thts my second family). Will see if i can put in my papers for permanent residence as well..
There are lotta things to be done n i need to get my ass n head moving in tht direction.. its just tht i was never left so alone, i had someone or the other to eat my head, trouble me, late night phone calls or be mommy to my guys trying to figure out n help them find solutions to their issues. And now suddendly now i hv nuthing to do in life, its just me n myself n really dont hv nething in life tht i can look forward...
Between got a few good news, rachna is getting married in nov n moving to US(Ahhhh baby i m gonna miss ur wedding), Nikhil finally found a compatible physiotherapist who also now going to his better half (Nikhil i always told u kriti was the one for u, thank god atleast she asked for marriage orelse u guys wud hv spent god know how many more years just like tht), shruti - my collegue delivered a baby boy n her son looks so cute n handsome
And as for me, even i am looking forward in putting down something new fresh n refreshing things on my blog n not bicker all the time... and its not only about the blog but i need to get rolling with my life n move ahead n hv new things to life..
But in all this i hv this content feeling tht finally i hv reached toronto - FINALLY!!!
P.S. - My boys, plz stop writing me scraps, post n emails saying tht u guys miss me so much and its now difficult to meet to the other guys without me. it makes me feel bad n worse sometimes. u guys had, hv n will hv a life without me. dont make it sound like it was because of me tht we were bound in groups n used to catch up.. agreed tht all are now on jobs n tend to be lazy on weekends to get out n socialize but thts the only way u guys will remain bonded. it shudnt be tht the time i come down to mumbai tht one person is not aware wht other has been upto, for sure i cant come down n hit u guys but i will still shout over the phone... haha
LOVE YOU ALL n MISS ALL like HELL.... muuaaahhhh
Had a really great long weekend with my cuzin n bhabhi in toronto.. went to niagara falls n places aroud. Yest they left n i had a long day in school.. still trying to be frnds with peoeple n believe me there are hell lotta indians in my program. But they are not the kinds i want to be friends with...
After we dropped my cuzin at the airport yest, i left for school. I was already missing them n started missing home so badly tht i landed up calling home n spoke to my ma n pa. But this time i cudnt controll my tears. i just felt like crying all the time and i landed calling my parents then called my dadu, kaka, kaki n some close frnds(spent a like $10 on calling cards n cried on all the calls equally, i was really missing every1). I didnt come here to b all alone... so far my life had been with people who loved me n i loved, all around me. I landed questioning myself tht this not for which i have moved here.. i had put in lotta efforts, technically fought with people who were against the idea of me coming here.
Today i m more relaxed, a lil low but its all right.. i will move on... i guess from next week i am going to be really busy with school.. for sure will find some accomodation so tht i can move out from my uncle's place n be a lil close to my campus so tht i dont travel for close to 5 hrs everyday... A few things tht also needs to be done is with my program details... get a US visa so if i wish i can go to New York n spend a weekend with Kay n shelia ma n pa (thts my second family). Will see if i can put in my papers for permanent residence as well..
There are lotta things to be done n i need to get my ass n head moving in tht direction.. its just tht i was never left so alone, i had someone or the other to eat my head, trouble me, late night phone calls or be mommy to my guys trying to figure out n help them find solutions to their issues. And now suddendly now i hv nuthing to do in life, its just me n myself n really dont hv nething in life tht i can look forward...
Between got a few good news, rachna is getting married in nov n moving to US(Ahhhh baby i m gonna miss ur wedding), Nikhil finally found a compatible physiotherapist who also now going to his better half (Nikhil i always told u kriti was the one for u, thank god atleast she asked for marriage orelse u guys wud hv spent god know how many more years just like tht), shruti - my collegue delivered a baby boy n her son looks so cute n handsome
And as for me, even i am looking forward in putting down something new fresh n refreshing things on my blog n not bicker all the time... and its not only about the blog but i need to get rolling with my life n move ahead n hv new things to life..
But in all this i hv this content feeling tht finally i hv reached toronto - FINALLY!!!
P.S. - My boys, plz stop writing me scraps, post n emails saying tht u guys miss me so much and its now difficult to meet to the other guys without me. it makes me feel bad n worse sometimes. u guys had, hv n will hv a life without me. dont make it sound like it was because of me tht we were bound in groups n used to catch up.. agreed tht all are now on jobs n tend to be lazy on weekends to get out n socialize but thts the only way u guys will remain bonded. it shudnt be tht the time i come down to mumbai tht one person is not aware wht other has been upto, for sure i cant come down n hit u guys but i will still shout over the phone... haha
LOVE YOU ALL n MISS ALL like HELL.... muuaaahhhh
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