Being Married...

MARRIAGE is OUT, WEDDINGS are IN !! - 
After my this post once upon a time I never thought I would  write on this topic again!! And here I am again...

I met up with with an old friend today for dinner and we were catching up after a long long time close to a decade!!!  A couple of months ago he was getting ready to get married with his long time friend and on and off girl friend.

Unaware of whats going in his life and him relocating to Dubai, I happen to ask him how his married life was treating him as the first year is special! It came as a shocking surprise when he told me that he had split with his wife few months ago and processing a divorce!!! As much as I was shocked I could see the pain in his eyes and so I decided to change the topic and catch back memories of good old school days!

I am home lying in my bed after a nice day of solitude, can't stop thinking!!! whats wrong with people. Where is the concept of adjustments, tolerance and patience gone these days. I am hopelessly romantic, practically optimistic and I strongly believe that the meaning and definition of Love changes with different experiences be it good or bad and you can definitely fall in love more than one time only difference being its not the first time so there are are fewer things that can take you for a surprise and affect you or you react to them as the first time!

Among all my close friends especially the girl gang; I am the only one left single! All I hear from the married ones is to enjoy my singledom and freedom while I can. Marriage is the throw out call for the rose-tinted glasses. My cousins and friends repeatedly say; the first thing that goes out of the window is LOVE the day you say I-DO!!!

I refrain and refuse to agree to that! I believe its a new beginning to fall in love all over again with the same person you have said your vows to!

Love will happen.  All over again or for the very first time. But it will happen. You may have known him for years, or just a few months. But this guy who you are promising your life to is still pretty brand new to you and you to him. Once the annoying habits have all come to fore, and the diverging views on all things important have been argued over, you will begin to see how he's come to accept you and you him. In a way no one ever accepted either of you. Not parents, brothers, sisters, friends. No one else but you and him.  

You will grow faster than you have in years with this marriage. In a few days, weeks, months you will begin to feel like you are not the same anymore. You might even begin to look different. And scary as that may seem, don't fight it. Because the woman that will emerge on the other end will definitely be a stronger, more grounded, infinitely more mature and definitely more selfless person. Who has finally learned to live just as much for another person as she does for herself.

There will be days you will wonder if this was a mistake. Don't shy away from those days. Because when you weigh the choice you have made versus all the could-haves and would-haves you might even feel a tiny twinge of having given something up. And that's okay. Because there will be that moment when he makes you laugh so much you think you might cry, or slips a compliment in front of people unexpectedly or unconsciously stand up for you when you need it or simply begins to share his friends, work, time, memories and life with you just as you do and your heart will stop. And you will smile knowing one thing: This is where you were always meant to be. Its where you truly belong. You are home.

Marriage is the beginning of a whole new family. Don't be afraid to lay the rules, if you are proud of how your parents or his did something, or you'd rather do things differently, explore it. Just do it together. And after you've laid down rules, remember that sometimes it is more important to be happy together than right in your own stubborn corners. You can only hope to be happy. But atleast you can do that instead of repeating, "this is just not working" to yourself when things seems bleak or low.

Seek contentment as much as you can versus seeking pleasure. Even if he doesn't know what that means, he will learn it from you in the choices you make, the way you live your life and conduct yourself. Until one day you'll find yourselves sitting in absolute silence on a couch, thinking the exact same thought and share a smile knowing you guys have become reflections of each other.

I do believe marriage whether love, arranged, matched online, through a newspaper, a nosey aunt or a good-intentioned friend, isn't something we make happen- Unlike choosing your grad school or course or who to date or who to be friends with. There's powers at play here much deeper and greater than you've known that have chosen and decided which two of all of us on this planet are to come together. Do stop to appreciate the strength of that power and know that you can only be in good hands. You are blessed simply by having been brought into each others lives. Some good will definitely have to come out of that. Take that thought and make the most of it. As much as you can. And breathe, as Anna Nalick says in the song., Just breathe. 

 And when you want to pull your hair out with frustration, and I kid you not those days will come more often than you might have imagined, think of Chandler in that episode of F.R..I.E.N.D.S when he discovers Monica's hidden closet of trash and asks her why she hid it and she says: "Because I didn't want you to know I am messy." And he goes: "I don't love you because you're organized. I love you in spite of it!" :))

Serenity and Solace in Solitude

Seems world is spinning faster and faster as each day passes by; resulting in enormous pressures, expectations and stress to overcome. We come to point that the only thing we look for or want is a balance and a sense that we hold the steering of our life.

Failing to have that  we overreact, feel overloaded, get easily annoyed with small stupid things and a feeling that we will never be able to catch up! So has my world been for a little more than a year for now! I have grown above the trials that life has thrown that I expect a lot, a lot more from myself.
Like its said its darkest before the sunrise, no matter what you do things just don't go your way. I have been there and felt the same. What has helped me to keep myself going is the concept and practicing mindfulness.

People think I am going crazy but I love when I pull myself out and away from people. And I am doing the same today. Away from home - especially constant attention from my mom.  Sitting here at Novotel beach facing cafe by myself in the afternoon was wonderful! Sometimes it is so important to give yourself I, Me and Myself time with some silence. Its like meditation. The sound of the waves brushing the shore, the cold breeze that travels across the Arabian sea seems relaxing.

I fail to understand why people generally mistake being silent and having solitude with being depressed and being lonely - a negative state which is a trait of isolation. Being silent and lonely is when you feel something within you or your life is missing. Its when you are with people but still don't feel part of it.

Solitude is that time you are with yourself without feeling lonely. Its very positive frame of mind, gives an opportunity to reflect, constructive engagement of mind be it enjoying the nature, reading random things, be it bird watching. Its the happy feeling, content that it brings along. It is a means of enjoying the quiet and whatever it brings that is satisfying and from which we draw sustenance. It is something we cultivate. Solitude is refreshing; an opportunity to renew ourselves. In other words, it replenishes us.

We all need periods of solitude, although temperamentally we probably differ in the amount of solitude we need. Some solitude is essential; It gives us time to explore and know ourselves. It is the necessary counterpoint to intimacy, what allows us to have a self worthy of sharing. Solitude gives us a chance to regain perspective. It renews us for the challenges of life. It allows us to get (back) into the position of driving our own lives, rather than having them run by schedules and demands from without.

The gambler - Kenny Rogers

I am so tempted to just have the lyrics here - its sums up to a great advice!!!

On a warm summer's eve onn a train bound for nowhere
I met up with the gambler
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-starin'
Out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us, and he began to speak

He said, "Son, I've made my life
Out of readin' people's faces
Knowin' what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind my sayin'
I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice"

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done

Now every gambler knows the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for
Is to die in your sleep"

So when he finished speakin'
He turned back for the window
Crushed out his cigarette
And faded off to sleep then somewhere in the darkness
The gambler he broke even,
but in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep

Journey and beyond.....

It was very re-assuring

Never Knew Your Life'S Shining,
You Just Got To Take Your Place
For That Silver Lining, Feel The Fire In Your Face

There'S No Waiting For Tomorrow
Get Up Your Time Is Now
There'S A Way To Feel A Sorrow
Come On Lemme Show You How
I Wanna Show You How

Feel Your Body Taking Over,
To The Rhythm Deep Inside
Moving Like A Rock And Roller,
Gotta Let Your Feet Decide
O Let My Feet Decide

Someone Said That Life'S Dance,
You Just Gotta Play Your Part
Never-Ever Loose A Chance
Don'T Loose, Don'T Loose What You Break
No Strings Around Your Heart
Common Break No Strings..


Move It, Move It, Show Me, Show Me, Show Me, How To Do It
Shake It, Break It, Everybody Come On

Dance With Me, Dance With Me, Come And Dance With Me
Come On, Dance With Me, Dance With Me
Come And Dance With Me

Marilyn Monroe's Quotes

It's sad how sometimes inspite of having the world, you are still left alone... Marilyn Monroe's writing has always attracted me... like said some lessons are only learnt the hard way.. some of the quotes that I have liked!!

• “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 
• “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
• “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
• “A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left.”
• “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”
• “The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space.”
• “This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.”
• “When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them.”
• “Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”
• “I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.
• “She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad. And that’s important—you know ”
• “I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot!”
• “I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.”
• “Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together”
• “If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?”
• “Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
• “I'm pretty, but I'm not beautiful. 
• I'm sin, but I'm not the devil.
• I'm good, but I'm not an angel.
• I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.” 
• “All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.”
• “Friendship is the bestiest thing that comes to life . Friends will always be there for you don't worry about the fakes worry about the people who had your back from the start and never treated you wrong always remember they are your real friends don't never take them as granted because one day your going to lose a good friend by the way your action's are when you see a good friend stick to that person .” 
• “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” 
• “I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.” 
• “This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them.” 
• “How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.” 
• “Boys think girls are like books, If the cover doesn't catch their eye they won't bother to read what's inside".” 
• “Too often they don't realize what they have until it's gone. 
• ...they're too stubborn to say, 'Sorry, I was wrong' 
• they hurt the ones closest to their hearts, 
• and we let the most foolish things tear us apart” 
• “Just because you fall once, doesn't mean you're fall at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always trust yourself, because if you don't then who will??” 
• “Your clothes should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to show you're a lady” 
• “That's the way you feel when you're beaten inside. You don't feel angry at those who've beaten you. You just feel ashamed.”
• “When you're young and healthy you can plan on Monday to commit suicide, and by Wednesday you're laughing again.” 
• “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am pretty, but not beautiful. I have friends, but I am not the peacemaker.”

Turning 30: 30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know

In 1997, Glamour magazine published a story titled "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30." The list, written by Pamela Redmond Satran, was so popular that women started emailing it around, misattributing it to various female luminaries including Maya Angelou and Hillary Clinton. 

Noting what a phenomenon it had become, the editors of Glamour created a book around it, featuring essays from (mostly) famous women on each of the items on the list. Because the list still makes us so, so happy, it's here: (My Check List and may be more)

By 30, you should have ...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (Check)

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. (Need to own one)

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (Check)

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (Check)

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. (Check)

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. (Check)

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. (Working on it)

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. (Check)

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. (Check)

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (Check)

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. (Check)

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (Check)

13. The belief that you deserve it. (Check)

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (Hopefully Soon)

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. (Partially)

By 30, you should know ...

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. (Not sure)

2. How you feel about having kids. (Check)

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. (Check) 

4. When to try harder and when to walk away. (Not sure)

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. (Waiting for it to happen)

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. (Not sure)

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. (Check)

8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. (Check)

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. (Check)

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. (Check)

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. (Check)

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. (Check)

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. (Partially)

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. (Working on it)

15. Why they say life begins at 30. (Waiting for it to happen)

What's on your personal list of things to have and know -- and possibly do -- before turning 30?

Being an “Open Book”

Swi and I, somehow from a normal casual conversation land up at a point that we start arguing/debating on some or the other thing out of random.

Lately a lot of people around  me have been using this phrase “I’m an open book” recklessly.

Is being honest, speaking heart felt and being an open book one and the same???
If I had to answer... no its not!

For me, telling someone that you are an open book means you are saying that there is no more specific further details other that what some/many people already know... It’s not an answer when you are asked to be honest...

I don’t know if this is philosophy or psych... but its my perception... a book is a writer’s creation... the writer who had the control and choice what to write and what not to write... its can be real, fantasy or fiction... All I want to emphasize is the fact that the writer has the CONTROL and CHOICE of what he wants to share in public/open.... would you call that to be HONEST???

And the worst part is, most of the times this is used as an answer; when it comes to questions related to relationships.

I don’t want to write a long post but for some smart souls who want me to give an example:

ABC: We were together for 3 years and everyone knows no matter how much ever we tried we always land up fighting and hurting one another
ME: It still bothers you even today. You have to move on...
ABC: I have moved on... I am an open book!

The so called “Open Book” part of the story would not include what ABC went through emotionally, internally at that point of time and today.... they are feelings that no words can express and explain and I am sure no one can put them in words, they are only felt....

All that people knew was that they were together and the relationship did not work and ways were parted and it was a hurting experience!

In the end, to me if you use the phrase "I'm an open book" when I ask you an open ended question... Either good or bad, there is way lot more to be known beyond what everyone else or most of them know related to the question!!!

A New Chapter......

I am lying on my bed with candles lit, looking outside my beautiful french window with a view of lit high-rise buildings giving a definition to the skyline. Very calm and serene just missing a clear sky and the full moon.

I just finish talking o mom, its her wedding aniversary and I totally forgot about it. Damn!! good I did not get caught with the fact that I had totally forgotten about it but she called asked for a gift herself so atleast I wished her. And in all the conversations where she contradicted herself in all she was talking about her marriage and her husband... "Dad" :) Feels good to know that all it takes is love to hang in there.

Everyday I think that I should start writing again. I missed writing but that spirit was missing. That one reason to bring me back was missing. I guess I found it just a few minutes back.

You know how it is when you have accepted within your head to let go of something and to move on, but deep down inside there is that one last thing that you wish should happen just to make yourself feel that it was a justice done to you. Something like that just happen, I got a news and it made me so happy, it was deep down within me that I never told anyone about it, nor even complained or asked God to do so (I have a tendency to talk to god in my head and while I am praying... I fight, complain - I am a weirdo but for sure dont need any psychiatric help for it :D)

I have to admit I can never complain to God that he never listens to me. He has always given me everything I wanted, I mean it... EVERYTHING!!!! and the things I did not get, I never wanted it badly because I always had doubts about it. I know I am always heard by Him, even things that I dont say or ask for which are deep down inside which I think I am not worthy of.

I really have to thank god for making me feel worth it all over again!!!! there was thing one thing that came to my mind when I was hurt, broken and shattered and it was my grief that I wished for this day, it was heard and granted.... I just dont want it to be true any further of what I wished since`it leads to being hurt and to someone who in no ways is responsible for my hurt feelings.... I would not want to anyone to go through a heartache... it really hurts a lot and takes a big part of you before it can leave you!!

Change is necessary with time and with time I have changed too. Somethings I wished for and somethings time and life brought... but when I look back, I feel blessed, I feel loved and taken care of!!!!

Hope this night leads to a beautiful morning and fills my life all over again with sunshine, bright days. I know I can never be who I was, but this one is better in someways, all it needs to learn is to trust herself again!!!

Burying the hardships, bad times and hurt feelings from the past, taking the strength of love, blessings and moments of happiness I would like to start a new chapter saying thank you to all who were a part and left and taking along and moving forward with all who stood and stuck by me and all entered my life to create more beautiful memories that would bring smile on my face when I think about them another beautiful night sometime in future!!!!

Thank you GOD for everything... Like I used to say I`m a part of everything that I`ve met

Its about time when......

Every single day I think that I should start writing again and should come back to my blog, but I believe I have lost that inner spirit. I wanted it to come back so I thought if nothing I should atleast write what I feel about writing.....

I want things to be like before where I was in control of atleast certain things. Other were never a reason for my happiness or my satisfaction..... I was self inflicted, i used to compete with myself and used to do things for myself, what made me happy and thinking about I, me and myself.... I had never needed a materialistic or other people to make me happy or who I was.

But since the day I put someone before myself, things started getting out of my control and life took a 360 degree turn. But as it said life does comes to a full circle, I hope I can come back to the same point where everything around me was mine.

Hope this brings back the time :)

"SOMEDAY....."

Recently I have been using this word so often; like 'Someday I will be in that position doing tht thing', 'at somepoint that person will realize my importence how much helpful i was', 'Someday I will have a house in this area'.... and so on and so forth... hundreds of things, I've been using this word so often that I have started thinking when will this someday/at some point actually be a day in the present, why can't that someday/some point be today!

These thoughts of someday, although has helped me to learn about what I really wish deep down inside and my aspirations, probably it has led to me to find a way, work towards actually accomplishing them.

The word “Someday” is too ambiguous. It’s just not REAL, not a goal, a deadline, or an estimation — it’s an unspecified time in the future so indefinite that it’s borderline fantasy. As a result, it tends to promote inaction rather than action. Telling yourself that you want to do something someday doesn’t accomplish much — yet it’s human nature to think this way. People commonly proclaim “I want to get married someday,” or “I want to be rich someday.”

They have good reason for being so unspecific: It’s comforting to make goals that lack a due date. There’s no pressure to get it done immediately because there’s always tomorrow. In other words:There’s always the rest of your life for your perfect “Someday” to arrive, but unfortunately, it never comes because, we have to do ours actions for it to happen.

The truth is, you won’t experience that “Someday” you’re looking forward to unless you take action today. When you convince yourself that you have the rest of your life to do something, you’ll experience day after day of inaction until you’ve lost your chance to actually do it.

I learned this, learned it the hard way. That’s why you can’t make plans for someday. One of my favorite authors writes how “folks who have one foot in the future and the other in the past and spend their time pissin all over today because of it.” (Stephen King, from Four Past Midnight) — I agree wholeheartedly.

If you find yourself saying “I wish I had (done something differently),” the thing to do is let it go. Don’t live in your past.If you find yourself saying “I want to (do something) someday,” the thing to do is change your outlook, act to make it happen for the future.

"The past is gone... you cant change it, future is not yet here.... you dont know anything about it... what you have is your present, you can control it and work with it, on it; so that when the present becomes the becomes the past, you would not feel "I wish I had..." while you are in your future"

Random Quotes

Three quotes that I came across, randomly, during the day and it got me into DEEP THINKING!!! I haven't done that in a while... Looking deep inside!

'There comes a point in your life that you have to realize and accept that you'll never be good enough for some people even if you give up yourself to live life for them, just their way they would want you to, So you need to let go of it!'

'The reason why some people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, present worse than it is and future less resolved than it will be.'

'In life you can absolutely count on one thing – Everything can turn around in a Day, In a minute, In a moment – this defines HOPE and LEAP of FAITH.'

Mindfulness

After reading - A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

Mindfullness is simply bringing our awareness into the present moment, noticing what is happening right NOW!!! All we have is this very moment. The past is in the past. The future will always remain in future, because once it arrives it becomes present. The future becomes the "NOW". All we can know for certain is what is happening right now. The freedom from worries of what might or might not happen is in the present moment. Relief from the regrets of the past is in the present moment. Peace comes from letting go of the past and the future, learning from our experiences and accepting who we are right now.

Through my own personal life experience, I've come to realize how challenging it is to stay in the present moment when what we desire always seems to be in the next step. We become so consumed with the next step that we miss out on what is happening right now. It is easy to get caught up in what isn't working and what isn't happening. If we continue to past or the future, we are missing out on life, because life is happening right NOW!!!

For some of us, focussing on the past or future is a way of avoiding the present. By focusing on the future we can avoid any pain, anxiety and loss we are feeling in this moment. But avoiding those feelings won't make them go away; infact it will eventually negatively impact our health.

Practising the 3 A's

1. Awarness - noticing our thoughts and checking how we feel and getting a sense how those feelings show up in our physical body

2. Acceptance - Acceptance is such an important thing and its the most important wich most of us skip it. They end up holding negative emotions like anger and guilt in the physical body. Then they turn into self judgement and the self defeating cycle continues...

3. Action - Sometimes acceptance is the Action. There will be times that the process of making peace with our thoughts and feelings is enough to soften the negative emotions. Other times we will need to take action. It is important to choose the action steps that work best for us.

We can begin practising mindfullness using everyday tasks such as eating, walking, listening, working etc. When we focus on what we are doing, seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting or feeling, we are being mindful

Ask ourselves frequently throught out the day "what is happening right now". Noticing everything around us and begin looking around the world as if we were looking at the world for the very first time..Looking closely, listening intently, and allowing all our senses to guide us to explore the world in every moment.Savouring all the details and cherishing each moment sd it arrives. For each moment is a "present". It is a Gift!

As we receieve the gift or present moment we will be able to find peace, a deep sense of peace that will help us guide through our journey. We have the ability to transform our expereince of life and life is occuring now!!!

All you need is a Good Companionship!!!!

Let me take the most common of the Wedding Vows – “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part” – Honestly how many of us actually practice it in real life. Be it the Man or the Wife – you always land up saying – “You don’t understand me”.

Just like rest of the zillions of people in the world, neither do I know what works for me & what doesn’t... nor do I know what I would like and I wouldn’t like because it depends from person to person and situation to situation I would be with.

As per for me, I am different with different people, sometimes I am so predictable while there are times when you will fail to figure me out. I do live different lives - I am different when I am home, with my close ones, I differ as a person with my different sets of friends, you would refuse that you hv known me if you catch me at work. There are only a handful of people who have seen me in all the different shades of my personality, so much to say that even my parents and some of my bestest friends will be taken by surprise at some point.

This brings me to the point how people have perceived me – just to mention a few - some people thought I was – “Arrogant, proudy, bold, bitchy, full of Attitude, Strict and the best one my manager told me “NO NONSENSE PERSON” to the other side – Shy, hesitant, introvert, Calm, Respecting” when they met me for the first time, which does not make me either good nor bad.

My Companion, My partner   - I want to be with someone where I can be myself where I'm my mum n dad’s girl, didi to my younger ones. I come with all my beliefs, value system and relationships and would want to add his to mine in my pot filled with loving people.

I want to be corrected when I am wrong, I don’t know everything, I’m not perfect. But; tell me “this is a better option, it’s done this way” and not shouting “don’t u know such a simple thing, I’m telling you its a bad idea/choice/option”. I can deal with hot and short tempered, highly impatient person but not some who has violent streak in his anger and throws things around and has no control over his anger.

Where we have conversations from stupidest stuff to being able to share deep down heart secrets and feel at comfort sharing those moments, where you don’t have to worry about being judged on your every action – it’s only then you can be yourself, mutually being able to share what certain things and people mean to you and being able to respect that. Talks to me about his friends and family, even work; so what if I don’t understand a shit of what he is talking about, the girls he has liked, LOVED and hated.

He who knows to live life in small moments that we share every day, has kindness, want to help people where he can, volunteer for needy, can share his happiness and richness, stay humble irrespective of his status and success, respecting elders, who wants to stay with his parents and siblings and have a family. If given a chance at some point I want to adopt a child, and can be supportive of a selfless act like that. Who want to have kids not because you have to have kids but want to enjoy parenthood, want to have a daughter so that he can have his “Daddy’s princess” and a son where he can cheer him in his game and be a proud dad saying "That's my boy".

Fights happen everywhere, disagreements are there. I want to have disagreements, want to fight prolly for something as mere as the remote control and TV shows, where both of us want to win while we are selecting something like dishes, furniture, blinds, curtains, kitchen appliances, wall color – why not??? This is life!!!! Fight, disagree with each other for protecting one another’s family, near and dear ones, go out walking hands in hands, share ice creams - rather in my way, “Let me try yours” and give urs to him, go cycling, short run, beating one another to the door – In doing all these whoever wins, I’m sure makes both of them happy. Doing such things does make you look stupid,  BUT it’s COMPANIONSHIP, a strong Partnership!!!

One who enjoys backpack traveling, goin to zoo’s – looking at the monkey’s and chimpanzee’s trying to match each others face, long drives with windows, sunroof open and not worrying about the car and the gas just enjoying the view with the music and a comfortable silence between us, who makes faces while I pick up candles and agarbatti’s and then smile later on. Likes to sit by the window, enjoys a cup of tea, moves around the house while I am doing up things, goes mad when I want to keep the house clean, splash, sprinkle water while doing dishes, has strong taste buds and flair for food, can enjoy eating pani puri on a street cart without worrying if its hygienic or not but instead agreeing that it would give some immunity to the body, Pillow fights, running around the house. Who says only kids can do that????

When you are upset, stressed, tensed, gives you space to be by yourself. Help each other grow and succeed. Be the light at the end of the tunnel for one another when you losing hope; build up the faith for one another by letting them know that you are going to be there for them. Life is not a bed of roses but you protect each other from the thorns that are lying, if you are hurt help you recover, help you believe in yourself.

All this seems to be a long list, very novelish, filmi for some people but it’s not. These are the small moments of life and there is nothing unreal or something that can’t happen. You just need that other person who believes in all these things equally and understand what such moments mean and represent. No wonder its said that “A good friend will be a good partner but a good partner need not be a good friend”.. May be you might not “LOVE” the person, or may be your partner might not “LOVE” you but you like each other as companions – that is important, you are comfortable being with that person and can be yourself that is what that matters at the end. I call it a TRUE GOOD COMPANIONSHIP

You don’t need lots of money, lavish lifestyle and materialistic luxuries to have a good time; you just need one good companion – its not where we are but with whom we are that makes the difference!!!!

About a man.....

What happens to a man when
He spills his heart on a page... and
He watches words flow away then
His feelings lie on the page alone
There waiting
For someone who cares to read them
To open their eyes to see them
To see if they can make his thoughts their own

What happens to a soul when
It's trapped inside his emotions
And all of these words he's spoken
They bind him to the life he's left behind
And every new step he takes
He knows that he might not make it
To all of these dreams that he has yet to find

Maybe your life's not perfect
But maybe it's not worth what he gives away
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart
Letting you see through me
Now only consumes me
Forget your pain and watch me fall apart
You can see that this broken soul is bleeding
So you can see your feelings inside yourself
And wander through my heart

Yipee!!!! This is my first post of 2009.....
After series of events that happened since August 2008, I was feeling that I never be able to write again in my life... Unexpected, undesired things kept happening and got completely trapped in my life that i was badly looking for freedom, freedom of thoughts, words and time. I'm glad I managed to get out from the trap and back :D

Lots more to come.... every one shud keeping smiling

Winter's Roads

I read this and just put's my feelings at this moment in words.

by Ron Carnell

I cannot speak for all who stem
'Long roads less traveled as their way,
Nor question choices made by them
In days long past or nights long dim
by words they spoke and did not say.

Each road is long, though short it seems,
And credence gives each road a name
Of fantasies sun-drenched in beams
Or choices turned to darkened dreams,
To where each road wends just the same.

From North to South, then back again,
I followed birds like all the rest
Escaping nature's snowy den
On roads I've seen and places been,
Forsaking roads that traveled West.

This journey grows now to its end,
As road reflections lined in chrome
Give way to roads with greater bend
And empty signs that still pretend
They point the way to home sweet home.

But all roads lead to where we go
And where we go is where we've been,
So home is just a word we know,
That space in time most apropos
For where we want to be again.

For even home, it seems to me,
Is still a choice we all must face
From day to day and endlessly,
To choose if home is going to be
Another road - or just a place

Now I hv no title for this one!!

A lonely seagull flies the winds
Majestic... soaring...gliding wings
A single screech sounds from the sky
Come fly with me... come here and fly

My spirit floats to be a part
I feel the beating of its heart
My soul, one with this bird of sea
Now knows the meaning to fly free

I feel the winds caress my soul
And soar the streams without a goal
My being trembles of delight
A treasure I received tonight

The seagull's flight of soaring high
The gift of what it means to fly

Interesting

The Wise Man and The Fool
by John McLeod


Said the wise man to the fool one day:
"I've got a hundred candles,
And lots of copper candlesticks with ornamental handles,
They cost me every cent I had
But I shall be all right,
And in the darkness of the eve I'll have a splendid light."


The fool said: "Yes, you may be wise,
But then again, p'raps not,
Only pence had I to buy, one candle's all I got,
But then, I bought some matches too
And you, the silly goose,
Bought none, and so without a light
Your candles are no use!"


The moral of the story is simplicity's defence,
For even the buffooning clown
May have some common sense!

The wise man and the village fool,
But tell me which is which?

The one with only coppers?
Or the other very rich?


After reading this, did you not start thinking on the question asked.... quite an intellectual question!!!

Finally back to work!!!!

Its been months tht i hv been eating people's head that i cudnt study nemore and really wanted to hit the working life as soon as possible. But the way things were, I had already given up of getting any genuine sensible job and I had made up my mind to go back to mumbai for good!!

But finally last day of sem, last exam and i get a call from Ontario Ministry of Environment - Mr. Manager Frank Tomassini - "are you still available for work this summer". And I went like - More than available. Tht was the day and today is the day that I finally made it to work after not so good but neither that bad 9 months... It was actually a period worth delivering a baby for sure.

So how was the day - Fantastic, Fantabulous, Perfect.
As usual, like every time I hv to get back to work after school term, on the first day itself i can never wake up on time inspite of all precautions taken. So was today, sitting in my bed half asleep instead to getting ready to go as I was already getting late, I'm replying to emails. But cuz I'm so used to rushing I finally make up everything on time.

After 11 months I actually dressed up all in formals, man i cudnt stop adoring myself in the mirror, an absolute professional look. The last time I was so elegantly formally dressed was 15th july 2007 for my Final and the last Board meeting at Winmark (My workplace in Bbay - though i still miss my desk and all my belongings at office). I am out of the house at 7 am and every one on the station all dressed up formals rushing to work, finally i see a busy life in Toronto and so many people rushing at the same time. It reminded me of my Bbay days at work and this view was way more polished. I was enjoying it all. Finally I reach work on time and got started.

I was a bit skeptical wht kinda work would I be given since it was a lab dept. But like I say god always listen to wht my heart wants and I really got much more thn i was expecting. I am finally placed in the reporting team for the annual lab Audit of the ministry labs. Man the work i love the most - Managing and puttingvthins in place and in order and deal with regulations, laws and compliance. Wow I still dont believe I'm gonna get to do it all. The best work timing i cud ever ask for. The only disappoint I had was that i am really goin to be paid really low compared to others. But today looking at the kind of work I am goin to do for the remaining 4 months and the opportunities I am goin to come across at the ministry just covered up for it. Reviewing protocols and SOP's, Audit papers and annual records, stats data, factual data, the list is never ending. I finally sign a confidentiality contract and took an oath - it was just the perfect icing with a a cherry on the cake. As of this day I couldnt hv asked for more.

I guess most of the things are in place, atleast for some time. And I hv always believed tht a good start is the best thing u can have and prolly - I hv it.
Now what ahead,, just keeping my fingers crossed as a few permanent internal openings are goin to come in 2 months time and if I manage to get that, there wud not be more i cud ask for, for atleast 1 -2 yrs.

Studies and education are in place, work life is in place, my home is kinda settled; need not worry for some time - the only thing left my PERSONAL LIFE - which every1 in the world my friends and family thinks that I need to fix and give all my attention and importance, so working on it as well - hoping this time I give it fair chance, time and attention - Probably i know its goin to be the most difficult thing for me compared to the totally different things tht has got importance and attention from my side - But lets give it a shot - For a change everything is falling in right and perfect place - hope even this gets charmed by the good things and vibes around. Inshallah!!!!

A quote worth reading!!!

All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.

~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"